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My heart thundered, beating out of control now as it crawled higher in my throat.
Yes,I wanted to scream.I remember Mr. Hale. I remember him all too well.
The devil moved around my father, giving him a pat on the shoulder as he passed.
“Katerina,” the devil whispered, eyes shining with hunger as he came toward me. “It’s so good to see you again…so very…very good.”
2
Lazarus
12 years old…
He didn’t get up. Not when I called him. Not even when I attached his lead.
He tried, pulling forward on his front paws, but his back didn’t rise. His rear legs stayed buckled as he looked at me with thatstupid fucking look. I just stood there, desperate to look past the graying hair around his muzzle and the sadness in his eyes. But there was no getting past this. Not when my father saw.
Desperation roared inside me. “Get up, Iggy.” I tugged on the lead. “I saidget up.”
He just gave a whine and tried once more. His legs trembled, belly sucked in tight, but then he just collapsed and stayed there.
You know what happens when the time comes,my father’s words filled my head.
“No,” I growled, fighting the tears as I pushed the words away. “No, Iggy…no.”
But he didn’t get up, no matter how hard I yanked on his lead. My chin trembled when I looked at him. At the patches of gray hair that traveled along his face, and the way that fucking lump bulged out of his side, a lump the vet said there was no cure for.
“Iggy.” An ache welled in the back of my throat as I sank to my knees.
Muffled roars of laughter came from underneath me, from the men who worked for my father. The same men who looked at me with sadness and pride. The same kind of sadness that lingered in Iggy's eyes as he leaned forward and licked the back of my hand.
“Don’t!” I cried, and wrenched my hand away. “Don’t you do that!”
Don’t…just don’t. Panic filled me, panic and the thudding in my ears. And they all laughed downstairs. Deep, booming laughter as they drank, played music, and cleaned their guns. Glinting steel filled my mind's eye now, slick with oil, hard, cruel, and merciful at the same time.
You know what happens, Lazarus,Dad’s voice filled me once more.You know our way…the Rossi way.
Something slick slipped down my cheek. I knew the Rossi way.
The only way there was.
There was no room for weakness.
No room for the sick.
“Iggy.” I smacked the lone tear from my cheek like it never existed and focused with all I had. Desperation burned inside me as I stood, gripped the lead until my knuckles turned white, and begged. “Please, I’m begging you.Get. Up.”
He just whimpered and dropped his head to the side of his bed.
“Get up.Get up. GET UP!”
But he didn’t. My knees buckled as I sank beside him, dropping my head as pain ripped through my chest. I trembled with sadness, hands shaking, throat thick. A sound tore free, sounding sick and strange. I didn’t care if I looked like a baby. I reached out with a trembling hand and brushed his long, floppy ear, lifting it at the edge and dropped it once more. It smacked the pillowed side of his bed, just like it’d done a hundred times before.
I wanted to flop it forever.
Wanted to run and play.
Wanted to still have the one good thing Dad ever let me have.
