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Dump dog. That’s what Dad called him, trash can Iggy. We'd found him when I was five. He was so thin then, nothing more than skin and bones. We brought him home and gave him food and a bath. He was mine…mine.
“I hate you.” I jerked my gaze to his. “Ifuckinghate you.”
That pain moved higher in my throat, no matter how much I swallowed, I couldn’t get it down. So I pushed up from the floor and took a step closer, still holding the lead. “You know what happens, Iggy.”
He just gave a whine as I bent over and picked him up, bed and all. He was heavy in my arms, barely moving as I adjusted his weight and took a step forward. My legs moved on their own, heading toward the stairs.
Iggy gave a whine as the bitter stench of piss filled my nose. I wanted to gag and heave. But I didn’t, because that’s what a little kid does. A man takes care of his own. I ground my teeth and stepped, carrying him down the stairs and toward the back door. Bitter cold hit me, making me tremble in my thin shirt. The back door was already open, letting the freezing air slip in amongst the stench of their cigarettes.
But I didn’t care about that now.
Laughter died as I stepped through the door carrying Iggy in his dog bed and headed for the open door.
“Laz, whatcha doin’ there?” Gravel asked.
But I just kept walking, shoving the door wider with my hip until it slammed against the outside wall with aboom!Dad just stood amongst the others, watching me. That same cold stare never flinched as I turned and made my way down the stairs into the howling wind.
My cheeks burned as I stepped down the stairs and walked further out into the backyard.
“What the hell is he doing?” Gravel’s words carried.
“What he needs to,” Dad answered. “He needs to learn even in death there can be mercy.”
“Take the dog to a damn vet.” Gravel urged.
“No.” Dad answered. “He needs to deal with it.”
I lowered my gaze as Iggy’s face blurred, tears fell down my cheeks as my chest throbbed and ached. “It’s o-okay,” I whispered. “I w-won’t let you suffer anymore.”
The corner of the backyard was bathed in shadows. I stepped closer and knelt, placing the dog bed on the ground. Iggy didn’t make a sound as I stood, just slumped slowly to the side as I turned and strode back toward the house.
My body trembled. I wanted to blame the cold, but it was more than that. I was never going to be okay again, never going to not feel this pain.Not ever.I tried to swallow the lump in the back of my throat, but it wouldn’t go down.
Please…
Please help me.
I clenched my eyes closed listening to the harsh rasp of his breath…and stopped my own. I stopped breathing, letting the air burn in my lungs, until with a pathetic sound the air rushed out. A stillness swept over me as I climbed the wooden stairs once more and stepped into the room. Dad was waiting for me with a gun in his hand, the muzzle pointed toward the floor. I stared at the weapon for a second, unable to meet his gaze.
“Lazarus…” he started.
It was all I needed to shock me into movement. I stepped forward, grasped the weapon from his hand, and turned, making my way back to where my best friend waited.
He was still on his side when I neared, shaking and whimpering. The rancid smell of poop was strong now as I knelt beside him. But I didn't look away and I didn’t cry. Not now. Not anymore. Not when he needed me.
There was no room for the old.
No place for the sick.
Not here…not for the Rossis.
Agony burned through me as I lifted the gun with a trembling hand.
“Benj, for fuck's sake,” I heard Gravel growl from the patio as I pressed the muzzle against Iggy’s head.
There was no room for dying…just as there was no room for the boy in me, not anymore. Not for a Rossi…
I pulled the trigger.
