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There was no spring for me now, not when Kat fell away, leaving the mask of Katerina in her place.He’s expecting you…the maid’s words resounded in that cold dead space inside. I left the playful sunlight of the library behind and headed toward the faint clang in the kitchen.
Sheer black fishnets peeked through the thigh-high slit of my dress. I lifted my gaze to the hallway ahead, my heart thundering. The chef turned at the sound of my heels, but he said nothing as I strode past. They never did. We…didn’t speak to the help. It wasn’t allowed.
I strode past the formal dining with its glinting Zenith chandelier hanging low over the twelve-seater walnut table. I couldn’t remember the last time we'd sat and ate together. I couldn’t remember the last time I wanted to eat. Not here in this house…not amongst these men.
A wave of deep raucous laughter hit me as I kept walking. My stomach tightened instantly at the sound until that cold wave of emptiness followed. The emptiness where they couldn’t reach…wherenothingcould reach. That hollow touch kept me whole…and sane. I lifted my head as that sound grew louder behind the closed double doors. It was a different house, and yet the core was always the same. Secrecy. Control.Hunger.
My hand trembled as I reached for the doors. I froze, staring at the shaking of my thumb. It never trembled…not here. There was always nothing when I reached the doors, no feeling, no shame. Nothing but going through the motions. Nothing but the mask of Katerina. But right now…right now, my hand was shaking. My eyes followed the movement up my arm.
Something was wrong.
Something was very…very wrong.
I lifted my gaze to the gleaming black doors. There was a change in me. Apushfrom that panicked beating in my heart. A whisper in my head that said,this isn’t right…this isn’t right…I’ve got to get away from them. I’ve got to get away. Or die.
I closed my eyes and felt the hallway sway. Panic flared from deep inside me, a lash of fire against the cold, stony walls I'd built inside. The flame couldn’t get through, I knew that. Still, it howled and raged, shooting sparks into the darkness inside me. The darkness where Katerina roamed.
“Get it together,” I whispered, and opened my eyes to stare at the doors. “They won’t wait forever, and you don’t want to piss them off.”
I know only too well what would happen then.
Stone by stone.
That’s what happened.
Each one a painful memory I'd used to build a wall. One no fire could invade, no matter how hot the flames. I inhaled hard and held it, letting the pressure build in my lungs before exhaling hard. The tremor in my hand stilled with the movement. I watched it for a second, making sure the mask was firmly in place, before I reached for the handles once more and opened the doors.
Laughter boomed along the hallway of my father’s wing. I stepped inside and closed the doors behind me, that bellowing, sickening sound mingled with others before a roar of,“You fucking cheat! Deal again!”
I could tell them by sound now, even their laughter.
I could pick them apart in a crowd without even seeing their faces.
All of their faces.
I lowered my gaze and moved. It was automatic now, no force required. Synapses fired and muscles moved. Heels sank into the carpet as I made my way past my father’s sitting room, then his kitchen and his massive study connecting with the master bedroom, until I reached the wide double doors in the middle of the wing.His entertainment room.
There was no shake now when I reached for the handles. I would’ve felt relief if I could feel at all. But I was beyond that now, beyond caring what I felt or what they thought as I pushed the double doors open and lifted my gaze.
Déjà vu.
The sensation slammed into me, over and over andoveragain.
How many times had I stood here? How many times had each monster around that table turned from the cards they held to meet my gaze? None more than the monster sitting at the head of the table, Mr. VanHalen himself.
“Katerina,” my father spoke, his dark eyes glinting. The others looked at my dress…and my body. But not him. He drove into my very soul. “Where were you?”
“Getting ready,” I answered, the dull sound of my own voice ringing in my head.
One simple nod was all I received. There’d be no fighting, not in front of his friends. Because that wasn’t part of the game…and we all knew how much he loved to play games. I was his ace hand. Hisroyal flush.I was the daughter. The heiress. Cold, closed down,unobtainable.My soul protected by the stony walls, ones they’d never scale.
“We’re running low on Cohiba Behik. Be a good girl and get some, will you?”
I swallowed a shiver. One nod. “Of course, is there anything else you need?”
A shake of his head and my father returned to the cards in his hand. “Whose turn was it, anyway? I lost count with all you goddamn cheats.”
“Haelstrom cheated,” Burbank declared, still staring at me.
