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Part 1
Prologue
The Delivery
“Chris, we have to go now!” I scream at my husband, holding my stomach. These contractions are getting closer together, and are not slowing down. I suck in a breath trying to bear the pain.
“Do you want me to carry you?” he asks, coming into the bathroom where I’ve been trying to pack my hospital bag in between contractions.
I breathe out shakily. “No, no, I should be okay. Did you call everyone?”
He places a calming hand on my back. “Yeah, babe, they’re on their way to the hospital now, they’ll meet us there. And your mom already called ahead to let them know we were coming too. They have a bed and a room waiting for us.”
The drive to the hospital feels like it takes forever, even with Chris speeding. As we pull up to the front doors of the emergency area, a nurse rushes out with a wheelchair for me.
“I’ll go park and be right up.” Chris gives me a quick kiss then climbs back in the car, speeding off.
Liquid starts gushing out of me as they wheel me down the hall, and the nursing staff starts moving around in a frenzy, as if something is wrong. “Get the Delivery room set up done now! And get Doctor Wildner, fast!” One shouts.
I look around the room, there is so much commotion, then down at myself and notice blood pouring out, leaving a trail behind me as we rush into a room. I feel dizzy and scared. I don’t understand what’s happening.
They quickly get me prepped and on the bed, everyone moving fast around me. It’s all happening in such a blur.
“My husband? Where is Chris? He needs to be in here.” I cry out as they start poking and prodding me.
“We can’t wait for him, Mrs. Crescent, we have to start now,” Nurse Michelle tells me as she rubs my arm. “I’ll stay right here by your side the whole time. I promise.” She gives me a sad smile.
I’m so confused about what’s going on right now, but I don’t have time to think about it as another contraction hits. The pain is so intense I feel sick.
“Trixie, on this next contraction I need you to start pushing until I say stop. Can you do that for me?” the doctor between my legs tells me.
I nod as sweat falls from my forehead, burning my eyes.
Contraction after contraction I push, until finally my child is out. I long to see my baby. I want Chris here for this moment. He should be here. Where is he?
Then I realize I hear no crying. Pure silence as the baby is rushed to a medical table being looked over and another nurse leaves the room.
“What’s going on? Is everything okay?” I finally ask. “Can I hold my baby? Why isn’t she crying? Where’s my husband?”
“We’re so sorry, Trixie, but your daughter was stillborn.”
I shake my head as the tears fall. “No, that’s not right. It can’t be right. I felt her move this morning. She’s fine. Give me my baby!”
Chris comes in as I argue with the doctor, tears streaming down his face. “No!” I cry out as I see her unmoving, no sound, no breaths leaving her small chest.
Chris comes to me, hugging me tightly as we cry together. Cry over our child who never got a chance to even take her first breath.
Chapter 1
Trixie
Waking up, I feel chilly. That’s odd, Chris is usually cuddling me, so I wake up overheated. Rolling over I find him sleeping on his side, facing the other way.
Ever since we lost our daughter, Lola, two years ago, we’ve started drifting apart. We still do little things together, we have date nights, but it doesn’t feel the same. Two months ago, I asked him if we could try again as I so badly want a baby, but he lost it, saying it wasn’t worth the heartbreak. He didn’t raise his voice, but there was this look in his eyes. I wasn’t expecting that reaction from him. He wanted our daughter so badly, I thought trying for another child could repair this rift between us.
Since then we’ve barely spoken, no matter how much I want to. He seems to avoid me. I hate it, I just want my husband back, the man I love with all my heart, the man I gave my friends up for.
I check the time and see the alarm is about to go off, so I shut it off myself and decide to wake Chris up in a much better way, praying he won’t shove me off him like he did last time.
