Page 20 of Always Was Mine

When we get out of the car, I grab her hand to hold it. She hesitates at first but then her hand relaxes in mine and I smile.

“Welcome to Denny’s, just two?” the hostess asks when we walk in. I nod as she grabs two menus and tells us to follow her. I pull out Tori’s chair and sit across from her. “Your server's name is Ashley, and she’ll be with you in a few moments,” she says as she puts out menus in front of us.

“Thank you.” Tori smiles then turns her attention to me. “So, do you know what you want?”

“Sure do, don’t even have to look at the menu, I never stray from my usual.”

She giggles. “That’s funny, I’m the same way.”

“Hey there beautiful people, I’m Ashley, can I start you off with something to drink?” Tori orders what she always did when we were together; a white chocolate raspberry milkshake, and I order the cake batter milkshake. Tori looks at me in surprise for a moment, and then puts her head down, as if she’s thinking about our first date.

“Perfect. Are you ready to order or do you need a few more minutes?”

I hand Ashley back the menu. “We’ll start with the Nachos, and I’ll have the Lumberjack Slam.”

“I’ll have the French Toast Slam,” says Tori, as she hands back her menu. We both chose our eggs the same way—over easy. I could have just ordered for her, but I didn’t want to scare her, and I’m not ready to tell her the truth just yet.

Our food is brought out quickly and as we eat, we talk. Everything I can possibly ask her about her last twelve years she answers easily. I try to avoid talking about Hangman, but I can’t help but bring it up.

“Can I ask you something personal? You don’t have to answer, but I feel like I need to. Call it curiosity,” I tell her honestly. This is one thing that has ate away at me. I need to know why of all the men she could have turned to, she chose him. My brother, the bastard responsible for ruining both our lives.

She stares at me for a moment. “Go ahead.”

“Why him? Why’d you marry your husband?”

She freezes, mid-chew, before quickly swallowing. “To tell that I have to start at the beginning. I had just lost my fiancé. He was murdered.” My heart aches as she pauses to take in a breath. “His name was Trevor, we were best friends since we were kids and we eventually became more. Being with him was the best time of my life. He had just asked me to marry him. We were going to run away together the second I finished school. But the night we were supposed to meet, he never came. I didn’t know what was going on, not until the news came that he had been murdered.” A tear slides down her cheek, and I want to take her into my arms, hold her tight and tell her it’s me. “I never had feelings like that towards Carson. Once Trevor died, it just happened, he comforted me during my grief, and eventually he talked me into marriage. To protect me, since my mother never did. I figured we would grow into love. You know. And it did, until I discovered I was pregnant.”

“Wait, you have a kid with him?” My voice comes out harsher than I meant it to. My blood is boiling and I try to keep my cool.

She looks up at me, startled. “No, the baby belonged to Trevor. Carson hated that I was pregnant with a child that wasn’t his. It was the first time he ever hit me. He slapped me and then begged me to forgive him, promising he’d never touch me again, which only lasted for a month. A week later I ended up miscarrying that baby.” I was going to have a child with Tori.Fuck. I feel like all the air has been punched out of me. “Years passed, Carson started changing. Our marriage got worse about six years ago. I had another miscarriage. I started getting depressed, and he’d come home smelling like other women. The final straw for me was when I started this current school year, I opened my door to let the kids start coming in, and this six year old little girl smiled at me as she took her seat. I knew right away, she had his smile. It was then I realized Carson didn’t only cheat, but he was making babies with other women when I couldn’t even have one.” Tears flow freely down her face and I lean forward to wipe them away. “You must think I’m so stupid staying for so long in a marriage like that.”

“Never. I think you’re strong to live through what you did. Look at you now, you got out. It’s better late than never.” I try not to think about our baby. It’s hard not to get swallowed up in the grief that is coursing through me. The pain crashes into me in harsh waves, but the broken look on her face is enough to focus my attention on helping her heal.

“That’s the thing, though. It’s not over, and if he gets his way, it never will be over.” Hangman won’t ever have her back, he’ll have to kill me to get her.

“I think that’s enough depressing shit for the night, what do you say we go back to my place and watch a movie?” I press, wanting to turn the evening back around. That was a lot of heavy on a first date, even if it technically isn’t the first. She doesn’t know that yet, though.

“I, um, okay. What movie?”

I stare, shocked for a moment and then I smile. “Face/off?” I blurt out her favorite movie.

Her eyes widen and she lights up. “I love that movie, it’s my favorite!”

When we get to my place, I give her a small tour and she smiles. As the movie is about to end, I look down at her resting on my shoulder, to find that she’s asleep. I pick her up carefully and take her into my bedroom. As I pull the blankets up over her, a huge smile splits her face. I wonder if she remembers our first date? Because so far, this entire night has been an exact replica of it.

“I missed you, Trevor, so much. I love you,” she whispers out in her sleep.

I sink to the floor, tears swimming in my eyes. Fuck. I need to figure something out.

Chapter 11

Tori

Iwake up with a smile on my face. The date with Trevor last night was perfect, even though I’ve already had the exact same date with my first love. I felt as if I was betraying my Trevor’s memory, but I had to move on from that, it’s been twelve years. I can’t keep holding a torch for him anymore, and I finally need to move on.

And I think, this Trevor is the man who could do it for me. Everything was perfect. This was the kind of man that I have always wanted, but I screwed my life up when I married Carson. I can’t keep comparing anymore. For once, I’m letting both of my past men go and moving on with my life.

Something healthy, loving, caring.

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