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Chapter Eight
Justine
Iwatch out the windowas Tomas talks to the biker, what on earth is he doing? Finished washing the dishes, I move to the front door and go out on the small deck for a smoke. I know Tomas is just being friendly, but at the same time, I’m worried about him talking to the guy about the kiss we shared. Tomas isn’t a violent man, but the man he’s talking to? He screams ‘violent.’
It shouldn’t turn me on, but it does. God, something is wrong with me. I watch the two of them, and they couldn’t be more different. Tomas and I talked late into the night last night about what he felt we should do about this, but I’m worried I’m going to lose Tomas for good. He’s been my strength and confidant for years. He’s my safe place. He is selfless, wonderful, and uncomplicated. But on the flip side, our intimacy is a little lackluster. Not that it’s horrible or anything, but it’s not exciting, wild, or passionate. Shit, maybe he’s right, maybe we’re not meant to be together as more then friendship.
Tomas and I have never really suited. Sure, I’ve gotten jealous over the years, moreso worried about losing the one thing in my life that was always there for me. But maybe he’s right, maybe we’re not meant to be together as more then friendship.
We won’t know until I do what he asks and go out with the biker. Bikers don’t date, though, do they? Chances are it would be more of a quickie on his bike than an actual date.
Tomas walks back over and smiles when he sees me. “Hey, I was just talking to Hangman, also known as Carson.” Hot name, both of them really. Wonder how he got his biker name. “If he asks you out, say yes, I know you want to.”
Narrowing my eyes at him, I ask, “Why are you pushing this so hard?”
“Honestly?” I nod. “I told you the other day that I’ve met someone in the science department that I think I want to date but didn’t want to spring that on you after moving all the way here with me.” He tells me, looking ashamed.
“We could have moved here as friends, Tomas, you know that. I would have still bought this house and still allowed you to stay here with me.” Tomas hates the fact that I bought this house, he refused to put his name as co-owner on it. It’s not my fault my books make me more money than his teaching career pays him.
Technically, he comes from money, but he doesn’t touch his trust. It just sits, earning interest. I’m not exactly sure what he’s saving it for, but I don’t question it. We each keep a separate bank account and split all bills down the middle. Which you’d think is odd, considering we’ve been together for so long. Hell, I know couples that get joint accounts after six months of dating. But it was just our way of doing things.
“Does she know about me?” I ask him.
“Yes, she doesn’t want to date until she talks to you first.”
“And she’s okay with having an open relationship?”
“Yes, I’ve told her today what I told you last night. I think we should see other people.”
“See other people like ‘break up and see other people.’ Or stay together while also seeing other people?” I want to make sure I understand what he’s saying.
“Justine, I love you. You’re my best friend, but I think that’s all we are. We won’t know if we don’t go out and try with other people.”
“So, basically, what you’re saying is—let me get this straight—you want us to date other people to see if we actually want to be with each other? So, we’re on a break?”
Tomas sighs, “Jus, think about this, really think about it. You can’t tell me I’m wrong.”
Fuck, I hate when he’s right. To be honest, I wanted to break up before this move, but didn’t want to hurt him. If I had known he’s felt like this, I would have gone through with it. Now, I just feel like a dick that I didn’t see this coming sooner. It took a hot as fuck biker dude from down the street to make me actually feel something.
“Okay,” I finally say.
“Okay, then. I’ll have my stuff moved into the second bedroom tonight. Might be awkward at first, but we’ll get through it. If you want me to move out, let me know.”
I shake my head no. “You still pay half the bills and we’re good. You and I both know that some months I don’t earn all that much, so having you help me out is a huge help.”
Part of me feels like I’m losing a piece of myself, and the other part feels freeing. Why does this decision feel completely natural? Sure, in the beginning, the sex was awesome. We were teenagers in love. Helping each other out with homework, going to movies, holding hands, and sex. Boy, did we have a lot of sex. It was fun and thrilling. But over time, I’ve come to rely on him in more ways than one. He was there for me when no one else was. But as of lately, sex has become mundane, stale if you will. I love him with all my heart and thinking we had more than sex was correct. We do have more. We are best friends first and foremost. But that right there is where the problem lies. We have love just not physical attraction.
