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We were still swaying and he finally told me that the music had stopped, like I couldn’t hear it for myself. It was going to be a few minutes and so help me I didn't want to leave his arms. It was perfect and I whined a little bit when he pulled me aside. The dance was over, but I didn't want it to be. There was so much that I had tried new in the last week since I’d gotten to Montana. All of it, all the changes and overwhelming feelings were because of Nick.
“Where do you want to go? Do you want to get a drink at the bar?”
I nodded my head that I didn't. That was the last thing on my mind. I didn't need any liquid courage. I just needed to not think about it. Thinking about it always made it harder to wrap my head around.
“No, why don't we get out of here? Is there somewhere around here that we could be alone? Maybe not in the cave, though.”
He had this brilliant smile that came over his face, but he quickly toned it down, turning off the wattage. I was almost sad in that it was gone so quickly. Maybe he had convinced himself that he needed to cool out?
“I think I know a place. “
“Is it your house?”
He disagreed, but then quickly said that if that's where I wanted to go, that's where we would go.
I was still up in the air about it. Maybe I wanted to be close if I had another moment where I just had to get away. It was a very real possibility, considering that just being around Nick made my heart flip-flop in my chest. Being alone with Nick in his house where I knew his bed was, that for some reason seemed even more of an extreme.
“That sounds like a perfectly good spot. You have a movie or something we can watch?”
Nick was quick to agree. Before he had been so sweet and thoughtful with what we did on our dates, but this time I wanted to skip all of that. I wanted something else, even though I had fought so hard to ignore that part of me. Maybe I just couldn't ignore it anymore. I didn’t want to. It was time.
I told him that I would meet him back at his place and he looked unsure for a moment.
“What?”
“I just want to make sure that you make it.”
I didn't know what to think about his comment. Maybe he thought that I was just going to take off on him again, and I can't say that I wasn't going to. There really was no telling, but at the same time, I liked to think that there could also be something great between us, that was so much more. All we had to do was see how it all worked out. I was anxious, but also anticipatory.
I really don't know where or when it happened, but I decided that Nick was going to be my first. It was a decision that I hadn't really believed I would ever make. Still, as I was going to his house to be with him in all ways, I still couldn't believe what was going to transpire. Nick was so different than me, but maybe that was the point. Maybe I was in desperate need of a change. Montana and Nick in particular, had changed me so much. I liked to think that it would never go back to normal. I had now realized how I didn't want normal. I wanted something new and exciting. I wanted Nick and what he had to offer.
