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“Her father, you know, the one you thought was Kimberly. Did you kill him?”
She made an almost silent sob that I could barely pick up. “I don't know. He had a bunch of stuff hooked to his face and I don't know. There were tubes running everywhere. It really didn’t look good.”
“I’ve got to get down there.”
I hung up on her before she could say anything else. I didn't feel sorry for her at all. It was one of those times when a person made their own bed and now, they had to lie in it. I was feeling so guilty about all of it. How could I have done this? I might as well have just done it myself. What was I thinking? Had I really thought that an action like that could go unpunished?
When I got to the hospital, we talked for a moment, but Kimberly made it clear that she wasn't in the mood for me to be there either. I was probably the last person that she wanted to see, considering that I could have stopped all of this from happening. While she fought for her father to live, I had to do what I should have done weeks ago.
* * *
It killedme to do it, but I went to the cop shop and talked to the detective that I had spoken to earlier. He was actually happy to see me, although he didn't seem so happy when I told him the full story. Once I added in the fact that Kimberly's father had been mowed down earlier in the evening, they seemed pretty adamant to move fast.
“Do you know where she is?”
I told him that I didn't, but I could call and find out.
“No, you've done enough. We are going to take it from here.”
I went home thinking that I hadn't done enough. I wanted to do more, and I called the hospital. Kimberly wouldn't see me, but I know that I could do something from where I was. Her father did not have the best insurance from what I gathered, and the first thing I did was get him moved to a private room, so he wasn't sharing with somebody else. Even in ICU, they would stack them up in rooms if it was possible. It also gave them a separate room that they could rest in. I knew that Kimberly wasn't going to be leaving her father’s side.
I ordered her some dinner and stayed up most of the night, hating myself for what had happened to her father. If I had just done the right thing from the start, this never would have happened. I knew that I should have just done it. What a mess it turned into.
* * *
I gota call the next morning from Kimberly.
“I wanted to thank you for the extra room and all the extra care that you're getting my dad. I don't know what to say because it's just too much. I appreciate it so much though. My dad is everything to me.”
“Is there anything else I can do? I just feel awful, Kimberly.”
“If you do call me in some food again, maybe you could make it Chinese?”
I told her that I would, and we didn't talk for very long, but I felt like it was a first step. I didn't say I was going down there; she wasn't ready to see me face to face, and I probably wasn't ready to see her. I wasn't ready to see firsthand what my poor decision had done. The day before I had caught her out in the hall, so I hadn't actually seen her father. I don't know how I could feel any worse than I already did,
Another week went by and it was so touch and go with her father at the hospital. I brought her things and tried my best to cheer her up, but I think the only thing that was going to do that was her father getting better. He was still in a coma and they were waiting to see if he was going to wake up. I wish to God that he did.
Chelsea, Tommy, and a couple others I knew had been arrested and their charges would be intensified if he did die, so I'm sure there were several people they were praying for her father’s safe recovery. I just wanted him to get better because of Kimberly. She had been through enough and she didn't need any more loss in her life. If I could have taken away the pain of it, I would have. I just felt awful about all of it.
It was a couple of days before Christmas and I was convinced that I needed to get Kimberly out of the hospital for just a little while. I talked her into having lunch with me, and it was then that I told her about Chelsea.
“I know. The detective called me about a week ago. He was really nice, and I told him everything I could. I was going to thank you for that, but it just seems kind of small, compared to everything else you've done for me.”
“I'm just sorry any of this happened.”
“Is that why you're doing this? Because you feel guilty and you're just trying to smooth it over with your money?”
She was using my words against me and I can't say that I liked it very much.
“No, I'm doing this because I love you, Kimberly. I've been in love with you since that first day on campus when you were lost. I'm sorry that we played so many games and if I could take it back, you know that I would. Or at least, I hope you do.”
She seemed surprised to hear it, but I thought it was pretty clear. I was head over heels in love with her. I had known for a while, but had not said it out loud. It felt good to do so.
“So, what does that mean for us?”
I shrugged, telling her that I wasn't sure.
“I don't know what it means. I know what I want it to mean, I want you with me. I don't think I'm ever going to be happy in life, if I can't have you. I don't even care if I have to give up football. Football was always a dream of mine, but now it just seems so silly. The only thing that matters is me and you. Family. That's how it's supposed to be.”
She looked away and said that she didn't know. It was going to take time for her to forgive me and there was still the matter of her father. What would happen if he died? How could she ever forgive me for that? Our life, our love, depended on his survival.
We didn't stay out long, and I didn't even approach Kimberly for some much-needed physical attention. I think we both could have used it, but she wasn't there yet
I took her back to the hospital, and I was about to leave when I heard the good news. Her father had woken up and was asking for her. She didn't even kiss me goodbye. I just waved her off. It was not the time for me to be there.
I felt elation as I was leaving, and it wasn’t all selfish. Most of it was, I'll be the first to admit it, but I was happy for her as well. I knew how much he meant to her because they were really close. It would have devastated her if it hadn’t worked out this way, which would have devastated me.
