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“You aren’t saving anything. You don’t give a shit about her or her happiness, or you’d take the blame for your messes instead of letting her constantly do it.”
Penny slowly lifts the hammer and points it at my face. “You’re lucky we like you, or you’d be on the ground convulsing and pissing yourself from my taser right now.”
Like me? Since when do they like me? Am I in the Twilight Zone?
“Why the hell do you think welether constantly take the fall for us?” Ginger asks.
“Because you’re bat-fucking-shit crazy and selfish?”
“Well, duh.” Penny rolls her eyes. “But also because it gives her something to keep her occupied. Granted, we are a little more unhinged during October, but it’s because you’re always here to bail her out. The rest of the year, we just do whatever we can to make sure she stays busy. It’s much better to have her chasing us around and yelling at us, than to have her moping everywhere, all sad and depressed because she missesyourstupid ass all year long.”
Wait, what?
“That first year was a nightmare.” Ginger sighs, while my heart starts racing.
“What are you talking about? Every year for the last six years has been a nightmare.”
“Right, but we’ve gotten progressively worse since then. Which has kept Sidney progressively busier, with less time for moping.”
“She still mopes over him for eleven months every year. It’s gross.”
“What’s so special about you anyway?
“Honestly, who wears that much flannel?”
“You’re kind of an asshole.”
“I don’t see the appeal.”
“Back. The fuck. Up,” I mutter, finally cutting them off when I can remember how to use words again.
She misses me all year… every year.
That’s more than just being attracted to me, right? That’s more than just a fling, like she reduced it to, dammit.
“And before you even get all up in our shit about Trick or Treat, have you ever even noticed the things we hide and/or destroy?” Ginger asks, changing the subject before I can even fully process what they just told me.
“The underwear she had since middle school.”
“That bed with the broken headboard that woke her up every time she rolled over.”
“That was a beautiful fire though.”
“It really was magnificent.”
“Her TV that only let you see half the screen and would only give you subtitles in Japanese.”
“All those old, dirty pairs of Converse she’s had since high school.”
“The tires on that piece-of-shit car that were so bald she’d skid through intersections on a dry, clear street on bright, sunny days.”
“Awe, our first practice run for slashing tires.”
“Those were the good old days.”
“What the fuck is your point?” I finally interrupt their rapid back-and-forth again.
“Our point is—” Penny smiles at me. “—everything we’ve trashed during Trick or Treat since you started coming to town, she needed replacing and couldn’t afford to.”
