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“I was young and stupid, okay?” She raises an eyebrow, and I chuckle.
“I was in with the wrong crowd. My parents didn’t care what I did, so I got into some trouble. I stole a DVD from Walmart.”
“That’s it?” she asks, and my gaze lowers because this next part is where I get embarrassed.
“I might have also punched the cop because one of the guys dared me to.” Clara laughs and shakes her head.
“Mama Jenn was right, you were a dipshit.” A burst of laughter leaves me, and when her radiant smile appears, I know everything’s okay.
“Yeah, she’s right. I was. But she set me straight, and the twelve or so years I spent here were the best I could ask for.” She nods.
“So, what about you? Where are your parents?” I realize that we haven’t really talked these last few days. We’ve mostly just had sex or texted about having sex. The more time I spend with this girl, the more I want to know, the more I want to immerse myself in every aspect of her life.
“There’s really nothing to tell. I grew up just outside of the city, and my parents were great…until I started my YouTube channel.” The sadness on her face makes me feel it in every limb.
“They didn’t like the idea of me exposing myself to the world. They told me I had to stop the channel or get out. So, I left.”
A server brings over our order. Two burgers and fries with Mama Jenn’s signature dipping sauce. The minute Clara takes a bite, I know she loves it. The moan that leaves her gorgeous mouth makes me imagine all sorts of fantasy scenarios. Unfortunately, I can’t do any of them in this diner.
“Do you talk to them now?” I ask, hoping for some semblance of a happy ending for her. Unfortunately, she shakes her head.
“They told me last time I called that they would only speak to me once I stop whoring myself out to the world.” She rolls her eyes and tries to smile through the pain, but it’s there. It stares back at me with uneasiness and panic.
“Shit, I’m so sorry Sunshine. I never should have called you that, if I had known...” I put my head in my hands and take a deep breath. It’s only when Clara’s hand touches my arm that I look up, seeing a sad smile on her face. “Have other people told you that, or just your parents?” I ask, hoping to God I don’t have to beat anyone up. I would never do that to her family—even though they deserve it—but if someone else said it? They’re fucked. I continue eating my burger and notice that Clara’s almost done, as well. I smile, loving the fact that she adores the food as much as I do.
“No. Usually, everyone thinks it’s cool or interesting.” It’s true. Ever since she told me what she did for a living, I’ve been intrigued.
“What do you think?” she asks weakly. When our eyes meet across the table, uncertainty and a glimmer of fear stare back at me.
“I won’t lie and say that when you told me I had any idea what having a YouTube channel meant. But when I watched a bunch of your videos, I got a whole new respect for what you do.” She gives me a knowing smile.
“Liam was pissed that I spent all my time watching you put makeup on, but he got over it.”
She seems hesitant as she seemingly prepares to ask her next question. “What did you think?” Her voice is small, and I cringe at the thought of what I did to put that uncertainty there. She has no idea how much she’s weaved her way into my life. None.
“I know way too much about concealer and eyeshadow now, but I loved watching you. You’re so confident and sexy on camera.”
“Really?” she asks, as I take my last bite of burger.
“But what I didn’t expect were the comments…” I start and see that fear return.
Fuck, I should have let this go.
Yet, when her confident stare meets mine, I continue. “Do you always get comments that…graphic?”
She sips her milkshake and fear flashes through her beautiful blue eyes right before she looks out the window beside us. “Clara, look at me.” She does, and I smile reassuringly. “I just want to make sure you’re okay. That’s all. I don’t like people talking to you like that.” She nods and gives me a hint of a smile.
“I know. It’s just embarrassing, that’s all. I try and report them all, but they usually just make new accounts and come back. Trolls are a natural part of this business.” I try and keep my anger under control. I need to remember that Clara’s a grown woman who’s been dealing with this longer than I have.
“Are you afraid that any of them will try and hurt you?” I ask, not really wanting to hear the answer, yet needing it all the same.
“I’ve never really thought about it. But, no. It’s never been a concern for me.”
“Well, if you ever feel unsafe, you can call me. I will be there. I don’t want anyone to think they have agency over you just because you make videos online.”
Tears gather in her eyes, and one falls down her cheek.
14 CLARA
