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“I know this isn’t ideal and trust me when I say if I could take all of this away, I would.”
She shakes her head as if what I just said makes no sense. “Josh, I need you to understand something that I don’t think has sunk in yet.” Both her hands take the sides of my face as her eyes bore into mine. “I love you.” Her expression is fierce once that causes another head of mine to wake up.
“I know,” I say softly, leaning in for a kiss but she leans back, shaking her head once again.
“No, I don’t think you do.”
My eyes narrow, questioning her.
“I think you know I love you, but I don’t think you realize the magnitude of that love.” Her eyes soften just a bit before she leans in and gives me a quick kiss on the lips. “I would do anything for you. I would give up my life for you, move to whichever team you want to play for but most importantly I want you to know that your dream will always come first. Always.”
I shake my head because that’s not what I want.
“I don’t want you to sacrifice your life, your dreams for something that would never have happened if it wasn’t for my fame or my dream.”
She gives me a sad smile before sitting back on my knees and tracing her fingers down my chest.
“That’s the thing, Josh. You are my dream. So, giving you up would be just as devastating for me.”
Jesus fucking Christ. This woman is going to destroy me if she keeps talking like this. I knew she loved me, but fuck, I didn’t know she was just as invested as me. This realization causes a calmness to wash over my body as I lean in and nuzzle into her neck, kissing her lightly.
“I love you, Sunshine… so fucking much.”
Her arms wrap tightly around my neck and her fingers tangle themselves in my hair, causing gooseflesh to appear on every piece of exposed skin.
“I love you too,” she whispers into my hair, and we sit there for a while, just holding each other, because in that moment, that’s what we both needed.
“Move in with me,” I blurt out faster than my brain can catch up.
I don’t know where those words came from, but the longer they fill the air, the more I want them to be true. I want Harper in my space. I want to know that when I come home, she’s here, I want to know that when I’m on the road, she’s in our bed, eating our food and watching me play on our TV. I want all of that. I know I gave her a key, but that was more of a gesture and not a request. Moving in requires her to give up her own place in lieu of mine, and that’s something on a completely different level.
“What?” she breathes, leaning back and looking at me as if I have two heads. “Did you just ask me to move in with you?”
I nod my head, hoping to God I’m not scaring her away. “Josh, we’ve only been seeing each other for a few months. We have a blackmailer trying to ruin our relationship and now you want me to upend my entire life and move in here with you?”
“I don’t want to upend your life,” I start as she goes to say something, but I stop her. “I want to start a new life. With you.”
She starts to shake her head, so I go into panic word vomit mode.
“I know it’s fast, okay? But nothing about our relationship is normal. I want to come home to you, I want to know that you’re here, in our home when I’m not here… I want to start our life together.”
Her eyes soften before she looks down and plays with the band of my sweatpants.
“Sweetheart, I love you so much, and I just want us to be happy.”
“I am happy,” she admits before getting off my lap and pacing around the kitchen. “You’re happy, right?”
“Of course, I am. Can’t I be happy and still want us to move forward?” I can see the wheels turning in her head as she paces back and forth in front of me. “Do you want to move forward?” I thought from the way she was talking earlier that we were on the same page, but maybe that doesn’t include large life decisions.
At the fear evident in my eyes, Harper stops her pacing and makes her way toward where I’m still sitting. “Baby…” she murmurs before kissing me lightly and pulling me into her arms. “I want to move forward; this just came out of nowhere for me. I’ve been so busy trying to get through the blackmail stuff that all the rest hasn’t really entered my mind.” At those last words, I feel like the biggest jackass on the planet.
“Fuck, I’m sorry, sweetheart. I shouldn’t have asked you when you have so much other shit to deal with.” I feel utterly and completely embarrassed and selfish in this moment. But as always, Harper knows exactly what to do and say to make all that insecurity fall away.
“How about we make a deal? When all of this is over. When we can be ourselves without having to worry about photos or videos being leaked, we revisit this conversation.”
“And if that’s tomorrow?” I ask, hopeful.
“Then you’ll get an answer tomorrow.” I kiss her then, needing to reassure myself that she’s real and because she looks fucking hot standing in front of me wearing nothing but a T-shirt.
