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Harper can clearly hear him because her eyebrow raises as she sits up beside me.
“You want both of us there?” I ask, wondering why he wants to see Harper.
“Yeah, if you don’t mind. This concerns both of you.” The tone of his voice has my heart racing just a little bit faster than normal as Harper’s fingers dig into my leg. My eyes catch hers and she nods, telling me we should go.
“Okay. We’ll be there in about an hour.”
We hang up and before I can say anything, Harper is out of the bed and heading into the closet. I know from the tension in her shoulders that she’s wading through an armload of emotions right now.
“Sweetheart?” I ask, watching as she paces back and forth from her shirts that are hanging to the pants that are folded neatly on the shelf next to her. “Sunshine,” I say with more force, and she stops, turns, and looks me in the eyes. “Are you okay with going there?”
I don’t have to say the exact words, she knows I mean the stadium. From the fear laced in her eyes I know she’s still scared of that place. I know that one day doesn’t erase all the bad that happened there, and for that, I want to make sure that when she walks through those doors again, she’ll be okay.
“I think so?” she questions as if reassuring me and herself at the same time. “I know I made progress, but I’m scared I won't be able to…” She trails off as her eyes become distant and I pull her into my lap so that she’s straddling my hips and I take her face in the palms of my hands.
“I don’t care,” I say, making sure she understands every word that’s coming out of my mouth.
“What do you mean you don’t care?” she whispers, the anxiety rolls off her in waves.
I can’t tell you how many hours I’ve spent wishing and praying that I could hold that burden for her, and right now I’m doing the best I can to reassure her that what she’s feeling is valid and normal for her situation.
“I mean, I don’t care. If you can’t go in today, that’s okay.”
Her eyes narrow as if she doesn’t believe me.
“Sunshine, as much as I loved you coming to my game, I know how hard that was for you and I never want to see you that upset again.”
She’s quiet for a few seconds before she speaks again.
“But what if I can never go back in, what if for some reason that was the only time I could go into that stadium?” I give her a small smile, pulling her into my chest and feeling her arms wrap around me.
“Then you watch me from home.”
“It’s that simple for you?”
I nod. “Yes. Baseball is my passion, but you’re my future and I will do anything to protect you. Got it?” I lean in and kiss her softly before pulling us both up from the bed and setting her down on her feet. “Now get dressed so we can go see what my coach wants.” I head into the closet and when she doesn’t follow, I poke my head back out into the room to see her standing in the same spot I left her. “Harper? You okay?” I ask, hoping I didn’t say something I shouldn’t have.
“Yeah,” she whispers, her gaze meeting mine. “I love you.”
My face softens and I wink, loving the full-blown smile she gives me.
“Love you too, Sunshine.”
I pull into the parking lot of the Hawks stadium and glance to my right for what seems like the millionth time in the last twenty minutes. Making sure Harper is okay is the only thing on my mind right now, not what Coach wants to say, not what my future holds after this injury. Harper. That’s it.
“You okay?” I ask, my hand sliding to her knee and squeezing reassuringly.
She nods but says nothing.
“We can turn around right now, and I can have this conversation over the phone,” I say, hoping it helps ease some of the anxious energy I know is coursing through her.
“No, I’m okay. Just a bit on edge,” she whispers as I pull into my parking spot and turn off the car. I say nothing which leads to her undoing her seat belt and turning to face me. “Babe, I promise the minute I’m not okay, I will tell you, okay? Right now, I’m okay. A little shaky and nervous but not panicked.”
I nod because hearing her say that with such conviction and steady eye contact makes me breathe just a little bit easier.
“Okay, let’s get this over with so we can get home and watch some movies and eat junk food.”
She raises an eyebrow and I burst out laughing.
