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I fell asleep with a smile on my face.
Chapter 20
Evelyn
The large windows in Lucas’s room let the light in early. From the pale shade of the sky, I knew that the sun was barely peeking over the horizon. I could close my eyes and fade back to sleep, but I didn’t want to. This feeling—I hadn’t felt like this for longer than I could remember.
I felt peaceful. The same peace that had found me last night. Like I was in my own skin for the first time in years. Lucas was... absolutely amazing. There were no regrets or doubts lingering in my head. Just cloudy, dazed happiness.
Lucas’s arm was slung over my waist, his full warmth pressed up behind me. The sleep had been as amazing as the sex. Like the way I’d slept with Aspen at my side, but more complete. How long had it been since I’d been fully rested?
I took a huge, full breath, turning to face him. My aim was to watch him sleep the way I had that time he’d been on my couch, but closer. Except that like the night he’d slept over, Lucas’s eyes had opened the moment I faced him.
“How do you do that?”
“What?”
I shook my head. “Manage to be awake the second I move.”
He chuckled. “A lot of time spent in places where needing to be awake quickly was a necessity.”
“Oh.” Not exactly a fun answer.
Lucas leaned in. “Good morning.”
“Morning,” I managed before he kissed me. And this wasn’t a hesitant, delicate kiss. This was a kiss of new intimacy. Deeper, harder. Just like what I could feel against my leg.
He shifted, rolling over so he could look down at me, only a little of his weight on me. I traced the lines of his face, down his nose and across the strong lines of his jaw, now covered in stubble. His lips.
Lucas’s brown eyes were filled with warmth. The color of summer woods and chocolate syrup. Like roasting chestnuts and flickering fire. So many shades of color up close. I could stare into them forever and get lost.
His mouth tugged up into a smile. “How are you feeling?”
He wasn’t asking how I’d slept, but about him. About us. “I feel good.” I couldn’t keep the mirroring smile off my face. “I’m nervous, of course, but it was good. Being with you. The sex was better than good.”
Another short laugh. “Glad to hear it. No regrets?”
“None.”
“Thank God,” he said before he kissed me again, his hand slipping down my naked body under the blanket. Now that I knew what he felt like—what he could make me feel—it was a purely chemical reaction. My back arched into his hand and a moan slipped from my throat. I knew right then that I would stay all day in this bed with him if he asked me.
But there were questions I had. Things I hadn’t been ready to ask, but now... I could ask him anything. Or I hoped I could. I broke away from the kiss and looked up at him.
“What is it?”
“Can I ask you something?”
Lucas nodded. “Of course.”
“When you were trying to convince me to stay, you told me that—” I swallowed. “That you knew what it was like to look over your shoulder. What does that mean?”
His eyes shuttered, and he closed his eyes. “My father was an asshole,” he said quietly. “Fucking abusive prick. He beat my mother regularly. I only escaped the worst of it because I was a boy and my mother tried to shield me. But in her... I saw all the things that I saw in you that first day. The way your eyes looked. The fidgeting. All of it.
“When I got old enough to stand up to him, I took more of his anger, and he learned that he had to surprise me in order for it to work.”
Oh. That’s why he knew what it felt like. Why he saw far too much too soon. “Is that why you wanted to help me?”
“Partly.”
