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In love with her.
Was I in love with her?
I’d already admitted to myself that I was falling, but it honestly hadn’t occurred to me that I was already there. But I was. Holy fuck, I was so in love with Evelyn. Hearing the words out loud made it click like a key in a lock. But I wasn’t ready to say it. Because the other part of that question was real too. I was terrified. No matter how much I’d worked through my shit, I wasn’t sure that something like this would ever lose its power. And if I said out loud that I was in love with her, it felt too much like tempting fate.
A long time ago, I’d sworn that I would never fail someone like that again.
I scrubbed my hands over my face. “Both,” I said, voice raw. “It’s both.”
My ass hit the seat, all my arrogance and anger gone in a breath.
Daniel nodded. “Even if you weren’t ass over head in love with her, we would help her. You know that. No one deserves to live like that. But you know that your emotions and your biases are dangerous. So if we’re going to get ahead of him, you’re going to need our help.”
They were right.
“No more letting him call the shots, right?” Harlan was wearing a grim smile.
“Right.”
Daniel stood and stretched. “Then let’s get the fucker.”
Chapter 25
Evelyn
My fingers wouldn’t stop fidgeting. It felt dangerous to be here. And indulgent. I was sitting in Dr. Rayne’s office in Garnet Bend, and I’d been here for the better part of an hour. Lucas had told me that I could trust her, that she was one of the people who had helped him through his own PTSD.
That alone made me want to give her a chance. And since we weren’t running, and we were taking the stance of not being afraid, I wanted to do this. It had been far too long. And for the second time ever, I told someone everything. From the beginning through to the end. I was actually shocked at the way everything poured out of me.
“I know it’s a lot.”
Rayne smiled gently. “It’s your story. It’s intense, and it feels more so because you’ve kept it hidden for so long. Eventually, it won’t be so heavy for you.”
“I hope so,” I said, my fingers fidgeting again.
She noticed. There wasn’t much she didn’t notice. “Maybe at our next appointment we could meet outside? Or at the ranch with Penny, if you like. Often times meeting outside of an office can help people with PTSD. It might make you feel less trapped.”
I swallowed. I did feel trapped, but it wasn’t really the office that was doing that. It was Nathan. He was the reason I was still cooped up and the reason that we couldn’t meet outdoors. “Until the... situation is resolved, I don’t know that meeting outside would be safe.”
“That’s a fair assessment,” Rayne said with a sad smile.
Lucas was keeping watch outside of the office. It felt strange to have a bodyguard—someone with me wherever I went. But at the same time, it was comforting. For the first time, I wasn’t doing this alone. I was still afraid, but I could breathe, and that was better than nothing.
But I could see how tight Lucas was strung. The up and down, safety and not. Adrenaline and then tenuous peace over and over. It was wearing on him. The tiny whisper that I should leave was still in my mind.
“So that was the past,” Rayne said. “Let’s wrap up by talking about what’s happening right now.”
“There’s a lot happening right now.”
Rayne tilted her head and studied me. “What are you afraid of, sitting here in this moment?”
“Nathan.” The answer was immediate.
“More specifically?”
My hands flared outward and then curled into fists. “Him killing me. Or kidnapping me and then killing me. Or worse, him taking me back and forcing me to live with him forever. I’m afraid he’ll kill Lucas too.”
“Why is that?”
