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We rested in silence for a moment, and I let the knowledge settle and wrap my soul up in comfort.
“I was a prisoner of war for six months.” His voice was soft.
“Just like Noah.” I knew a little about the other man’s history after we’d witnessed him deal with his PTSD at the family dinner.
“The same place. He was rescued. I, along with another member of our team, wasn’t. When they finally came back for me, I was broken. Physically and mentally. I couldn’t get Isaac out. Eventually, they let him go. By that time, they’d extracted everything he knew, which wasn’t much, and were trying to make nice with our military.” He slid his hand down my side again, pulling me closer, like he was making sure I was real.
I felt the same way.
Finally, he spoke again. “Isaac killed himself a few months after he came home.”
“I’m sorry.”
He smiled briefly, but I could see shadows in his eyes. “I did the work. I dealt with it. Fixed my body and my brain, and all this time, I thought the nightmares were something that would always be there and they would always stop me from being with you. Because I wouldn’t survive waking up and finding out I—” One deep breath. “That I hurt you. Broke a bone or, worse, killed you without even knowing.”
I swallowed. “I have nightmares too.”
They were something I didn’t like to think about, the times I woke up sweating, remembering Evie’s screams or the feeling of knowing I was going to die.
“It’s one of the things that made me change my mind.”
I blinked. “But I’ve never told anyone.”
He hesitated and pulled me closer to kiss my forehead. “We’ll come back to that.” My stomach swooped with nerves. Not at talking about it, but the gentle firmness in the way he said it. We would talk about it, and that was the end of it. “I talked to Noah to see how he was handling it with Kate, and he told me the nightmares are better with her. He also, lovingly, verbally kicked my ass and pointed out you’ve gone through something too. He’s not the only one who kicked my ass, by the way.”
“You said it was one of the things.”
Jude’s face darkened. “Where we were… You’ll all find out soon enough. Kate was taken. Noah went after her, and with the fire, we were split. He and Liam had to go in before we got there because they were out of time.”
“Oh god.”
“They’re okay,” he said. “Everyone’s okay. But when we got there and set up eyes and ears, we could hear them. I could barely see them through a crack in a door. Noah was on his knees, and they were going to kill him.”
My gut twisted, listening. But at least they were okay.
“He told Kate to close her eyes.”
Jude went quiet, and I looked up at him. His eyes were closed, jaw tight. “Nothing more than that, but I understood it. He didn’t want her to live with the memory of seeing him die. Only the memories they had. And I put myself in his place. If it had been me, I would have had no memories with you.”
My heart kicked into high gear, breath going short.
“I was afraid to hurt you, and I still am. But after seeing them, I couldn’t stay away from you anymore.”
“You never had to stay away from me.”
“I know that now.” The words were murmured against my lips. “I’m sorry.”
The way he kissed me could have set the house on fire and melted all the snow for miles. All-consuming. An apology entirely on its own, apart from everything else. If I knew anything about Jude, it was once he made a decision, it was made. End of story. The waiting really was over.
I still felt an edge of carefulness in the way he touched me. There was something more he was holding back, but I wasn’t afraid of whatever it was. Now that we were doing this, we had time to tell each other things. He’d already said we’d talk about my nightmares, and I had no intention of doing it tonight.
But I couldn’t keep the smile off my face. “So, we’re doing this?”
“Yes,” he said mildly. “If you want to.”
I rolled my eyes. “Yes. Though I’m not sure if I’m looking forward to everyone knowing it’s finally happened.”
Jude chuckled. “True. But I’ll take the brunt of it. It was me who kept you waiting.”
