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I swallowed. “Okay.”
Holy hell, it was more than okay. I was on fire. My skin felt like it was burning, and arousal was building in my core as if every word he said was throwing more kindling on the blaze.
Jude went back to lazily exploring my body. His free hand and his mouth drawing patterns and teasing me until I was barely able to keep still. He was doing this because it was what he wanted, not what I wanted. Jude wasn’t a selfish lover—he wasn’t going to take without giving. But knowing he was only pleasing himself sent another wave of heat rushing through me, along with embarrassment.
Should I find that hot? Wasn’t it wrong? My mind faltered, and I tried to banish the thought, but it wouldn’t go.
“What was that?”
I shook my head. “I didn’t say anything.”
“No, but your whole body language changed. I did something, or you thought something. What was it?”
“I—” Hesitation blocked the words. I didn’t want him to think I didn’t want this when I did. I really did.
My hands, still caught in his, made it easy for him to yank me against his body. “The only way this truly works is to be honest, Lena. I don’t want you to hide anything from me. Whatever it is, we’ll handle it.”
“The way you were touching me.” I swallowed. “I knew it was only to please yourself, and I liked it. And I was embarrassed that I did.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t know if it’s okay to enjoy it when it isn’t about me. Like…” I struggled to find the words, and he released my hands, pulling them forward and massaging my wrists. “What does it say that I find you using my body…I don’t know how to say it right.”
“Is it okay to enjoy the fact that someone else is enjoying your body, even though the pleasure isn’t centered on you?”
Discomfort swam in my gut. “Yeah. I’m not sure what tripped me up.”
“First—” he smiled, though it was the kind of smile that made my toes curl “—I want you to know there will be pleasure. I’ve been thinking about being able to control your pleasure for a long time, and I want you screaming my name before the end.”
The wicked heat of arousal was back, fueled by his words and his hands, which now circled each of my wrists like handcuffs, locking me to him.
“And second, this isn’t an easy thing. Giving up control is hard and brave. But no, there’s nothing wrong with it. It can be difficult to let go, but think of it this way. You’re allowing yourself to be an object of pleasure for me. And it wouldn’t be the same if it wasn’t you.”
Using my captured hands, he pulled me so we were flush against each other and kissed me. This kiss was Jude unleashed. He held absolutely nothing back. All the control he craved and all the dominance that came as naturally as breathing.
It stole all the breath I had in my body, and I didn’t care. He moved swiftly, lifting me and laying me out on the bed like I was his own personal feast. Just as fast, Jude had my hands over my head, pinned to the mattress. His lips brushed the shell of my ear. “No more questions. No more worries. No more talking. If you need to stop, tell me. Otherwise, the only sounds I want to hear from you are sounds of pleasure.”
All the heat returned. I resisted the urge to respond to him after he’d just revoked my speaking privileges. It wasn’t easy. Questions bubbled at my lips, but I held them back.
Jude straddled my hips, leaning into the way he held my hands. “Later, you can ask all the questions you want. I swear it.”
I nodded, and he smiled. The approval in the smile warmed me like stepping into the sun. I wanted to bask in it like a cat.
“Hmm.” He let his gaze trace my body and the way it was spread underneath him. “What am I going to do with you?”
The words were light, but they hit hard. They had me squirming unintentionally, trying to get closer. My reactions to this shocked me. I always thought I wanted more control. When I read about the heroines of romance novels turning into puddles for the men who did exactly this, I thought it wasn’t me.
Oh, it was me.
It was very much me.
I hadn’t been with too many men, but it hit me now that I’d never been with anyone I trusted like Jude. He saved my life. He would stop if I asked him. So, the thought of voluntarily placing myself at his mercy was freeing in a way it never could have been with anyone else.
The realization unlocked my brain, and I relaxed. Everything was warm and soft and I wanted Jude to move, and I also never wanted anything but the way he was pinning me down—anchoring me.
“There you go.”
I asked the question with my eyes instead of my words.
