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Jude began to move his hands over my back, a sign he was coming back to himself. He loved touching me whenever he could, and his hands were rarely still. “Your nightmares still happen?”
“Not since you.” I was glad we were too close for him to see my expression. “But, yes. They happen all the time. And when I wake up, it’s not so different from what I just saw.” I paused, steeling myself. “I never told anyone.”
He searched my face. “Did you feel like you couldn’t?”
“I don’t know.” I looked away, but with the hand in my hair, he guided my gaze back. “Everyone was dealing with their own stuff, and I’ve always been the one who makes people feel better, so I didn’t bother anyone about it.”
“Lena—”
I kept talking in case I lost my nerve to say it at all. “I don’t like the dark. Not the complete dark or being alone in it. It reminds me of that night. When I have to stay late at Deja Brew, especially in the wintertime, closing up is really hard because I have to turn off all the lights, and I just…panic. I was already primed to freak out when Bessie broke down, and it just made everything worse. I couldn’t stop seeing Nathan appearing out of the darkness with his gun and—” My breath shuddered. “I can still hear her screaming.”
The hand in my hair made sure I kept looking at him and wasn’t able to look away. There was no judgment in his expression, just sadness and understanding. “I had no idea it was so bad—that you were going through all of it.”
“Of course it’s bad. What happened was terrible. Just like what happened to you was terrible. But it doesn’t mean I don’t want you or don’t see who you truly are. And it damn well doesn’t mean I don’t know the difference between you when you’re dreaming and you when you’re awake.”
Jude’s expression hardened. “And you bringing happiness to people doesn’t mean you’re unable to feel trauma. Nor does it mean you should hide it. Pushing it down doesn’t make it better. I would know.”
I blinked, my breath shaky. He was right, of course, but those thoughts still swirled in my head as I was sure his awful thoughts about him hurting me were still there. But away from him, especially now, was not where I wanted to be. “Please don’t go,” I whispered. “Don’t leave me alone.”
In that moment, I meant leaving to sleep on the couch. But I couldn’t help but feel the words meant something greater than that.
The air between us tightened, a spark finally entering Jude’s eyes again. He released my hair and eased his hold on me. “Take off your shirt.”
Heat dropped through me as I recognized the tone. I pulled the T-shirt up and over my head before tossing it aside. The casual way he looked over me, like I was his for the taking, had an even hotter fire burning under my skin.
Pulling me against him once more, Jude kissed me. Hard. It felt like the most natural shift in the world to suddenly be yielding as he took control.
Rolling us together, he pinned me to the bed again, just like he had in his dream. But this time, he was wide awake, and violence was the last thing on his mind. “If you’re afraid of the dark in the shop, I want you to call me,” he said. “If you ever have a moment when you’re about to panic? Call me. There’s no reason you need to go through any of this alone, Lena.”
I swallowed, feeling a little raw from finally admitting everything. It was a relief to know he was feeling the same. “If it goes for me, then it should go for you too. We can both help each other.”
He smiled, soft and sure. “All right. Deal.” Then he leaned down and brushed his lips over my chest. “But let’s let it go for the rest of the night. I think we both need it.”
Yes. I agreed, so I nodded.
“And until we both come, the only thing you’re allowed to say is my name. And ‘please.’”
My body arched in response to his command, subconsciously reacting to it. He was leaving me with only one option—to beg. “Jude.”
His smirk was back, and fuck if it wasn’t the sexiest thing I’d ever seen. “Remember, I said until we both come. So, this might take a while.”
I bit my lip to keep from speaking, because I knew now, not obeying would only make him more determined, and I would already be a limp, writhing mess by the end of it. “Please.”
Jude’s eyes lit with pleasure, and he returned to my skin, slowly continuing the trail he was blazing across it. “Good girl.”
Chapter 19
Lena
Mountain Jewels Coffee.
Jude told me about the place after he discovered it, but I admitted to avoiding it until Deja Brew was open again. That was the most important thing to me. That, and regaining the trust of my customers.
But though we’d opened again, Deja Brew had been distinctly emptier than before. Part of me expected it, and the other part was still saddened so many people stayed away even after I’d done what I could to make amends.
But this certainly showed why my business had been slow. My regulars were here at Mountain Jewels. They were here, and one of them came out as I was standing on the sidewalk, intentionally not meeting my eyes.
It wasn’t like I had a right to everyone in town. Business was business. However, in a town this size, and with what I did, everything felt a little more personal. I couldn’t help that it felt like a betrayal for customers who had been coming to Deja Brew every day like clockwork for years to be coming here instead.
