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Taking a breath, I tried to step back mentally. Of all the things I shouldn’t be wary of after knowing and loving Resting Warrior for so long, it was going to therapy. And it wasn’t therapy itself that made me pause. No, it was the idea that going meant admitting there was something wrong. Which was equally nonsensical, but still the way I felt.
“You don’t have to keep going if you don’t like it,” Evie called as she poured the rest of the Mountain Jewels coffee down the sink. “But I think trying it once will help.”
“You’re right. It probably would.” It wouldn’t be easy, but in the end, it would likely be worth it. “I’ll look into it.”
“Awesome.” She grabbed two cups and filled them with our coffee and handed one to me as she sat back down. “Now, we need a plan to win the town back over, because we can totally do it. We just need to be strategic. The cupcakes for the dance will definitely help, and we’ll do a bunch of tests to make sure everything is fine. But I have ideas.”
“Tell me.” I guessed that was the one thing about having a slow day. We had plenty of time to make new plans.
Chapter 20
Jude
The screens blurred in front of my eyes as I dug through page after page of information, trying to find something. Anything.
But my mind was elsewhere. Spinning back on itself and retracing paths I’d gone down a hundred times before. It was tiring, but at the very least, I was sleeping. Fitfully, since I kept waking up to make sure I hadn’t lost my shit and hurt Lena, but it was better than nothing.
My appointment with Dr. Rayne this morning had gone well, but I was still raw from what happened the other night. Lena didn’t care that it had happened, but I still did. The terror I felt in those moments when I woke up and was pinning her down—
I wouldn’t forget the feeling for a long fucking time. And yet, I knew it was nothing in comparison to what I would feel if I actually hurt her. Even by accident.
No part of me regretted finally taking my shot with Lena. The past few weeks had been the best in my life by far. But waking up and finding I’d bloodied her nose, blackened her eye—or worse—was still one of my greatest fears.
It wasn’t just that I was afraid of hurting Lena either. I couldn’t let another person get hurt because of me. Ever. Once was enough, and I would never be able to take it back, because Isaac was already gone.
If I’d been stronger. Better. Maybe I could have helped him. If I’d been able to hold on a little longer and insist they get him out with me and not left him behind, then maybe he’d still be here.
Rayne insisted, and logically I knew I wasn’t responsible. I’d been barely conscious when they carried me out of those caves. But still, even if I hadn’t been able to get him out, there must be something I could have done to keep him from taking his own life. Been there for him more, checked in more, made sure he was getting the help he needed.
The guilt telling me Isaac might still be alive if I’d done something was too big, and even after all this time, I didn’t know how to deal with it.
But I was newly determined not to let my guilt get in the way of my relationship with Lena. It had delayed it long enough; I wasn’t going to spoil the best thing to ever happen to me. She was right. We were both having nightmares, and we could help each other. I simply had to take it one day at a time.
In an attempt to distract myself and also do something worthwhile, I was digging into Allison DeVries, the owner of the new coffee shop. My instincts were still telling me something wasn’t right, but in looking for some proof she was the source of Lena’s troubles, I’d come up empty so far.
Allison was clean as a whistle. All the proper business permits were filed. She didn’t have any outrageous debt, and there were no signs the business was a front for something more nefarious. If this woman was actually the source of the problem, then it was a professional job, and that created an entirely new set of issues.
Sighing, I pulled out my phone and called Jenna Franklin. I was good, but she was better. If something was up, she’d be the one to find it.
She answered on the third ring, sounding like I’d woken her out of a dead sleep. “Hello?”
“Hello to you too.”
“Who is this?”
“It’s Jude at Resting Warrior.”
Some rustling on the other end of the line. “Fuck. What time is it?”
“About three in the afternoon.” I tried to suppress my chuckle.
“Shut up,” she said, but it didn’t sound angry. “Had a couple all-nighters. They really took it out of me, and now I’m completely out of whack.”
“I can call back later.”
“No.” She spoke through a yawn. “I’m up now, and I already should be anyway. What can I do for you?”
I gathered what I had so far on Allison’s file and sent it to the encrypted email she usually used. “I’m doing some digging on a person and just wanted to double-check I’m not missing anything.”
