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Okay, Lena. You can do this. You broke through his shell before. “Do you have any plans today?”
“Just ranch work.”
I pressed my lips together and took a breath. “I have to deliver a bunch of cookies, and hopefully I have some people coming in to order cakes. Ever since Grace and Harlan’s wedding, I’ve got a bunch of people asking about wedding cakes, and I love it. Granted, wedding cakes aren’t my specialty, but just the idea someone would trust me with something so important is really cool.”
Jude didn’t say anything, and I had to stop myself from biting my lip and getting my bright red lipstick all over my teeth. If he wasn’t going to talk about last night, then I had to be the one. We couldn’t keep going like this, and we were almost at the bakery. If I wanted to say anything and break this horrible, miserable silence, it had to be now.
“Last night.” My voice sounded strangled, and I cleared my throat. “I’m sorry. I took you by surprise. I know I should have asked first. I was just… After feeling like that with Bessie, I thought—” My palms were sweating. “I guess I don’t know what I thought.”
Jude said nothing, pulling up outside Deja Brew. He was out of the car and coming around to open my door before I could make him stay and say something. Anything.
The door opened, and he helped me down. Take the risk, Lena. Someone has to. “My whole point being, I’m sorry I startled you. But I would very much like to kiss you again, Jude.”
I reached for him out of instinct, and he pulled back just out of reach of my fingers. My soul was crumbling inside my body, and I had to blink away the sudden rush of emotion. He didn’t need to see me like this. Especially if he wasn’t interested. But I—
I cut off the thoughts. “Okay.”
Stepping around him, I headed for the door. I was going to be able to hold myself together for only so long. It was still early—I could take a few minutes to cry in my office before I needed to get anything done. I’d wipe off the stupid red lipstick, put on my comfortable shoes, and life would go back to how it always was.
Me, alone. And lonely.
I pressed my lips together as I got my keys out of my pocket. It was the only thing I could do to hold back the rising tide inside me. How in the hell had I managed to misread him so badly? Not just me—everybody. Maybe that was the problem. Everyone around us was so convinced Jude was in love with me that I’d believed it even as I’d denied it. But had anyone here seen what Jude was like when he was in love? Maybe this was just the way he was. Attentive and kind. Helpful. But completely not interested.
Lie.
The instinct was there. He’d kissed me back before he stopped, and I would never forget those few precious seconds when everything I’d ever wanted seemed within reach and everything felt right.
I fumbled with the keys but finally got them inside the cold lock and turned them, opening the door and stepping into the smell of pure comfort. Now that it wasn’t dark, my shop really, truly was one of my happy places. It didn’t make the feeling in my chest better. But it was a little more bearable, at least.
Shrugging off my coat, I went straight back to the office to change my shoes, trying and failing to avoid the thoughts popping into my head. We’d had moments. I was absolutely sure of it, and now they were piling into my brain without mercy, taunting me.
The first one that appeared was Grace and Harlan’s wedding. She’d seated us together and had us walk down the aisle as a pair, but nothing had really mattered until Jude asked me to dance, and I’d nearly fainted on the spot. He was his usual quiet, strong self. But the feeling of him pulling me in and leading…cradling me even though he was so much bigger. I’d never felt anything like that restrained gentleness, and I convinced myself what I felt was him trying to hold himself back for reasons I still hadn’t known.
Jude had driven me home on nights when I’d drunk too much with the Resting Warrior girls, but he never came inside. That should have been a clue, too.
Hell, even him coming to Deja Brew every week for the pickup, I’d twisted into him wanting me. When maybe he just liked the consistency of the routine. I felt my face flush, and a new wave of sharp, cutting embarrassment washed over me. How could I have been so stupid for so long?
If I didn’t have so much work to do, I’d consider going and burying myself in a hole for a week so no one could see me and I could dig through all this emotion in peace. But as a business owner, I didn’t have those kinds of luxuries.
Tears welled behind my eyes, and I quickly grabbed a tissue to save my mascara from running. I could cry later. Once I was home. While I was at it, I carefully blotted off the red lipstick. I still looked good, but the lipstick was going to be a reminder of him all day if I left it on.
“Okay, you can do this.” I stepped back out of the office and into the front of the bakery and froze. Jude was standing on the other side of the counter. I hadn’t realized he’d followed me inside. “Oh.”
The single word sounded so insignificant in the gigantic silence which currently formed the bubble around us.
“Would you like me to get Bessie to the shop?”
My heart stuttered. Here he was, doing the things which made me want him and feel like his attention meant more than it did. I didn’t want to give in to it, but I also needed my car, and I had enough to do today that taking time out to get back there and wait for the mechanic to tow it would be too much.
“If it’s not too much trouble,” I said. “I have a full day, and it would be helpful.”
“Of course.”
“Thank you.” I’d forgotten to bring my spare keys I usually used when Bessie was in the shop, so I grabbed mine and handed them to him.
Silence spun out between us again. And all I could think was how much I wanted him to be going to get the car because he liked me and not some sort of…protective obligation from being a SEAL.
The chimes over the door rang as Evelyn came in. “Morning!” Her cheery tone was perfect for combating the clouds currently hanging over the two of us. “Hey, Jude. Little early for you to be here.”
