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“I’ve been looking for you everywhere.”
Getting to her feet, she turned to face Brooke. “Here I am. What do you need me for?”
Brooke frowned. “You haven’t been answering my calls.”
“Sorry, my phone died.”
Brooke pointed to a power outlet in the corner. “You didn’t think to charge it?”
“Must have slipped my mind.” Yeah, she wasn’t fooling anyone. Her phone was dead because she’d been both hoping Sterling would call, and praying he didn’t. In the end, she’d decided she couldn’t handle the suspense.
“Take a break,” Brooke said. “I’ll make us a hot drink. Tea, coffee, hot chocolate?”
Kat didn’t want a hot drink. She wanted to be left alone to wallow. But the firm line of Brooke’s lips told her she wouldn’t be allowed to wallow any time soon. Her young friend may be the quiet, studious type, but she possessed a singularly stubborn streak and would dig her heels in if challenged.
“Coffee with a spoonful of drinking chocolate added?”
Brooke nodded. “One homemade mocha, coming right up.” She looked Kat up and down. “You might want to change your shirt before you leave the apartment.”
Kat cringed. She was wearing an old, comfortable t-shirt that had been one of Teddy’s favorites, and which now was so thin it was translucent. “Thanks for the advice.”
“No worries, chick.” Brooke padded away, her bare feet nearly silent on the carpet. Kat mopped the soap suds off the section of floor she’d scrubbed and went out into the living room. She’d just taken a seat on the sofa when Brooke returned with a steaming mug in each hand, and set the larger of the two in front of Kat, keeping the other for herself.
“So, Sterling left the lodge yesterday,” Brooke said, getting straight to the point. “He said to let you know he’d gone. I heard he’s staying at Logan’s place.”
“Thanks for letting me know.” She’d assumed he’d either left or was taking pains to avoid her. Neither option appealed.
For a while, they didn’t speak, and Kat began to wonder if that was all Brooke had come to say, but it seemed she’d just been summoning the courage to continue.
“Why did he go?” she asked. “What happened between you?” When Kat began to blow her off, Brooke touched her arm softly and stopped her. “Don’t lie to me. Or to yourself. Anyone with eyes could see you liked him.”
Kat laughed bitterly. Liked him? As if he were nothing more than a high school crush. As though she wasn’t a woman in her thirties with a dead husband and a wealth of life experience behind her. What did Brooke, with her sheltered life and unbroken heart, know about liking people?
“You don’t know anything about it,” she snapped.
Brooke flinched, reproach in her azure blue eyes, and guilt twisted Kat’s gut. “Because you won’t tell me,” she said. “How am I supposed to know anything if you clam up and keep it all to yourself?”
“You’re not supposed to, that’s the point. It’s not anyone’s business except mine.”
Brooke leaned forward and took her hand. “Please, talk to me. I’m your friend, Kat. I want to help.”
“You can’t help.” The words wrenched a sob from somewhere deep in her chest. “No one can. It’s my fault Teddy is gone, and I don’t deserve to have another chance with someone else—especially someone like Sterling, who wants to go all in. I can’t offer him the same. I don’t have a whole heart to give him, only scraps of what was left behind after the crash. He should have better than me.”
“But what if you’re all he wants?” The question was asked quietly, like she was unsure how Kat might react. “What if the scraps of your love are enough for him? Sterling doesn’t strike me as a guy who says or does anything without thinking it through and meaning it one hundred percent. If he said he wants you, maybe you should take him at his word.”
Kat buried her face in her hands. “It’s not that easy.”
“Maybe it could be. I know you’re scared, but you can’t let fear hold you back. If I stayed away from things that might hurt me, I’d be shut inside an empty, padded room all day. Actually, forget the pads. They’d hold dust. It’d have to be an empty concrete box.”
“At least you’d be safe.”
They both chuckled, although Kat’s was tearful.
“It’s not just fear,” she said. “The truth is, I don’t deserve to have a second chance at love. I had my turn, and I screwed it up. The universe doesn’t give do-overs to people like me.”
“You’re a good person, Kat. Look what you’ve done for me and Tione and the other people who come to stay at Sanctuary. You’ve given us a home when we didn’t fit in anywhere else.”
Brooke’s voice had thickened, and when Kat glanced up, her eyes were glistening. Kat’s own throat tightened in response. The past few days had been a constant stream of emotion, and she wasn’t sure how much more of it she could take.
“If anyone deserves to have good things happen to them, it’s you,” Brooke continued. “You’ve paid your penance, and no amount of scrubbing floors or pushing men away will bring Teddy back. He’s gone, and he’d want you to at least try to be happy.”
“You don’t know that,” Kat whispered, digging her nails into her palms to ground herself.
“But I do,” Brooke said kindly. “Because you loved him, and any man you loved would be decent enough to want the best for you.”
Kat’s heart cracked in two, because Brooke was right. Teddy wouldn’t want her living in some kind of limbo of guilt and grief. He’d want her to be the best she could be. That was the type of relationship they’d had.
“Thank you, Brookie,” she sniffed, as tears flooded her eyes. Her chest heaved and then she was ugly crying, loud sobs that came from deep within her soul and wracked her entire body. Brooke’s arms came around her and she murmured comforting nothings in her ear.
When she finally finished crying, Kat felt cleansed.
