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23
Sterling rosebright and early the morning after poker to jog along the beach, then looped around to visit the house he’d rented but not yet moved into. He paused outside to admire the clean lines of the white stone building and the lush lawn running right up to the fence. It had no garden, except for a collection of rocks and shrubs near the driveway. He may be turning over a new leaf, but he also knew his limitations. A lawn was more than enough for him to maintain.
The house was vacant, so he wandered up to it and peered in a window, reminding himself what the interior looked like. Living in a house, as opposed to an apartment, would be a massive change, both in terms of atmosphere and the sheer size of the place. He’d planned a trip back to Auckland this afternoon to pick up his furniture and collect a few more of his things, but not everything he owned. He’d give his new business a three-month trial run before he officially told his Auckland landlord that he was moving out and handed in his notice at Lockwood Holdings.
He continued jogging, a smile on his face, nodding to the people he passed and greeting a few by name. When he got back to The Den, he showered and dressed. Then he visited the minimart to restock Logan’s fridge since he’d done a fair job of emptying it over the past few days. He grabbed a basket and added a selection of fresh produce, milk, coffee, and a bag of trail mix to snack on during his drive to Auckland. He was at the counter and had just finished paying the cashier when a voice behind him caught his attention.
“Hello, Sterling.”
Closing his eyes briefly, he clenched his fists around his wallet, then pulled himself together, pasted a smile on, and turned. “Hi, Kat. How are you doing?”
He had to double-take at the sight of her. She looked wrecked. Dark smudges shadowed her eyes, her hair was piled haphazardly on her head, and she was washed out, her usual vitality absent. It seemed that the days since they’d parted had been rough on her, and his heart ached on her behalf. He wished he could take away her pain and guilt, but only she had that power.
Her lips pursed, and she sighed. “I’ve been better, but I’m hanging in there.” Her dark eyes searched his. “How about you?”
“I’m all right.” He paused to take his bags from the cashier, and moved aside to allow Kat’s groceries to be scanned and packed into a bag. “I’m making progress with my business.”
“I heard.” She smiled at him, swiped her card, and grabbed her bag. Then they walked outside together and stopped in the square. “You rented the space above Cafe Oasis, right?”
She’d been keeping tabs on him.
He nodded. “Yes, and I’ve rented a house on Elizabeth Street. I’m heading back to Auckland to pick up some things later today.”
She smiled, her teeth gleaming white between plum-colored lips. “Good for you. You’re going to do well, I just know it.”
She laid her bag down on the cobblestone sidewalk and rested her palm on his arm. Awareness zinged through him, strong enough he could have sworn his hair stood on end and his toes curled up.
“I’m so proud of you,” she said. “I know how brave you have to be to take a risk on something new.”
He appreciated the sentiment, but couldn’t help wishing that she’d be brave enough to take a similar risk.
“So far, everything is going well,” he told her. “Everyone has been supportive, including my boss.”
“That’s great.” He knew she meant it, but her enthusiasm was forced. In fact, she sounded worn out. “I’m happy for you.”
“Thank you.” He hesitated, then added, “I hope you’re taking care of yourself.”
She rolled her eyes. “Don’t worry, if I wasn’t, Tee and Brooke would tie me to a bed until I promised to do better. I know I look like shit. I’m just not sleeping well.”
He could guess why, and he wanted to let her know she didn’t need to beat herself up over it. “About what happened between us—”
“I’m sorry,” she broke in, then glanced down at the ground, followed by the statue—at anything other than him. “If I hurt you, I mean.”
He placed his bags beside hers and pulled her into a hug, his heartache irrelevant because she needed him. Needed reassurance. If nothing else, he could give her that.
“No hard feelings,” he murmured beside her ear. “I promise. You’re an amazing woman. I’m grateful for everything I learned from you, and I hope that one day you can forgive yourself.”
She snuggled into his chest and for a wonderful moment, he soaked up the feeling of being near her again. If only he could truly comfort her, erase her sadness, and replace it with all the love and joy he had to offer. If only he could give her the self-forgiveness she needed. He hoped with all his heart that she’d take his words on board and try to find peace.
When she extricated herself, he kissed her cheek, then lifted his bags so his hands were occupied. Otherwise he might reach for her before he could stop himself. Bidding her farewell, he returned to The Den, longing for her to be walking by his side.
* * *
Unlike last Saturday,this time Kat was ready when the phone call from her mother-in-law came. She watched the number blink on her screen and held her breath, her thumb hovering over the answer button. She chewed on her lower lip. She needed to do this. She owed it to Amanda, and to herself. She needed to front up to what she’d done, and try to move on. On the ninth ring, just before it went to voicemail, she accepted the call.
“H-hello.” Her voice shook when she spoke. She heard an intake of breath through the speaker but for a long time, no one said anything. “Amanda?” she asked. “Is that you?”
A hiccupping sob came down the line, loud and clear, then a series of sniffles. Her mother-in-law was crying. Kat’s gut wrenched. This was why she’d never answered.
