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Seeing her dilemma, Brooke came around and opened the passenger door wide, so all she needed to do was slide into the seat and buckle up. “You can do it, Kitty Kat. I believe in you.”
Her faith was all Kat needed to take the first step, then the second. She bent at the knees mechanically and got in. As she looked through the windshield, a pair of headlights appeared in her vision, careering toward them. Her blood pressure spiked, her head spun and she squeezed her eyes shut, throwing her hands up to protect herself. But nothing happened.
“Easy.” A hand landed on her thigh and a soothing voice spoke near her ear. “You’re okay. You did it. You’re in.”
Kat opened her eyes again. There was no other car. She’d imagined it. They were sitting, motionless, on the edge of Sanctuary’s gravel parking lot in broad daylight. She cringed. “Sorry, I thought I saw…” She trailed off.
“No need to explain anything to me,” Brooke said. “I’m here to support you, okay?”
“Okay,” she whispered, then pulled the door shut and clicked the belt into place. The tiny click seemed to echo ominously through the car. When Brooke turned the key in the ignition and the engine roared to life, Kat tensed.
“You all good?” Brooke asked.
“Yeah. Just drive.”
They crawled forward, a stark contrast to the days when Kat had been one of the fastest women on four wheels, but no less terrifying for it. She clung to the edge of her seat so hard her knuckles turned white.
“Remember to breathe,” Brooke urged.
“I can’t,” she choked. “I feel like I’m going to—” She slammed her hands over her mouth as bile rose up the back of her throat. Brooke stopped, and Kat undid her seat belt, threw the door open, stumbled out, and wretched up the contents of her stomach all over the grass bordering the driveway. A hand stroked her lower back, and she closed her eyes. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know that was coming.”
“Shush. Stop apologizing.”
Something pressed into her hand. A water bottle. She gulped greedily, swirling water around the inside of her mouth and spitting it out. “Thanks.”
“No problem. Now get back in the car, and let’s keep going.”
Brooke was a hard taskmaster, and Kat did as she was told. Twice more they had to stop for her to empty her stomach, but each time, she rinsed her mouth, wiped her clammy forehead on her sleeve, and got back into the car. It wasn’t as if she had any choice. She couldn’t exactly walk home.
They stopped for lunch in Tauranga, and the sheer volume of traffic and quantity of pedestrians unnerved Kat, given she hadn’t left Haven Bay in years. She watched people pass as they sat in the window of a cafe and ate. Neither of them spoke much. When they’d finished, Kat gave Brooke directions to the cemetery and asked her to wait near the exit. This was something she had to do alone.
It took nearly fifteen minutes to find Teddy’s grave. The nondescript black headstone was decorated with artificial flowers, which looked like they’d been delivered recently. Amanda and Motu must have come by, or one of Teddy’s friends. He’d had many. He was that kind of guy.
The stone read:
Edward Hopa
1987-2017
Beloved husband and son.
You will be missed.
Kat’s eyes watered. The simple words did nothing to describe the impact Teddy had had on the lives of those around him, but they were perfect all the same. Sinking to the ground above the spot where he lay buried, she touched a finger to one of her cheeks and realized they were wet. A sob wracked her body.
“I’m so sorry,” she said to Teddy’s headstone. “Aroha mai nui. I’m sorry about the crash. I wish you were still here. I miss you like crazy. You were the glue that held me together.”
She fell silent, gathering herself. A fantail swooped from a tree and landed nearby, watching her with beady black eyes. It hopped closer, and in that moment, she felt that she wasn’t alone. The sun warmed the back of her neck, as though Teddy was reaching down from the heavens to comfort her.
“I have to move on with my life,” she said, hoping that wherever he was, he could hear her and understand. “Your whaea told me that’s what you’d want.” The fantail took off, and she watched it flit over rows of graves and into the blue horizon. “I love you, with all my heart. Aroha tino nui ki a koe. In a little pocket of my heart, I’ll always love you. But your parents are right. It’s time for me to be brave and try to be happy again.” Her throat thickened and she hardly managed to get the last words out. “So, I guess this is goodbye.” Her eyes prickled with fresh tears and she sniffed. “I hope wherever you are, you forgive me.”
“I think he does, love.”
She looked over her shoulder. A wizened old man was laying flowers on the grave behind her. She’d been so absorbed in her own sorrow, she hadn’t heard him approach. He came closer, and she noticed his eyes shining with tears. She glanced at the grave he’d left.
Ada Marie Nelson
Wife, mother, and friend to all.
