Page 45 of Before We Were Famous

No!

My heart stuttered and my breathing quickened. Heath was walking across the moors towards me. Dressed in his jeans, black boots, a black T-shirt and black jacket, he was barely visible against the backdrop of the sky. He was by himself.

I glanced around. There was nowhere to hide – no tree, no rock, no dip to rush to and slip behind out of his sight. Then he saw me and stopped still. He looked like he always belonged there; it was as if this meeting was destined. I put my shoulders back and kept walking, Heath did the same. There was no avoiding each other and we were the only idiots in the world who would be out walking the moors in weather like this.

I would just greet him and move on, I told myself, and then we were but metres from each other and I couldn’t take my eyes off him and his step became purposeful. We stopped and stared, neither of us spoke.

I turned away from him and looked out across the moors. They were cold, dark and hostile, just like us.

‘Are you cold?’ he asked.

Those three words caused me so much pain. He didn’t accuse me of anything or ignore me; his first words were concern. If I had said yes, he would have given me his coat.

I shook my head. ‘Thank you, I’m fine,’ I said. ‘It’s not cold.’

‘No,’ he agreed.

It was the strangest feeling, like I was in one of those dreams where you see in the distance where you have to be but can’t get there no matter how hard you try.

‘Cathy,’ he whispered my name, and I looked up at him and made eye contact. His eyes were warm and loving and he was there in front of me – the Heath I’ve always known.

I straightened and swallowed. I’m full of pain and he will know about it.

‘Where is yourfiancée?’ I asked, with the words sounding bitter as they came off my tongue.

‘I wanted to walk home, she wanted to drop into Thrushcross Grange for a while … she doesn’t like the walk.’ He had the good grace to look embarrassed as he said it.

I laughed. ‘The boy who lives for being on the moors is going to marry a girl who doesn’t like to take a walk – a match made in heaven, good luck with that.’ What a cow I was, but I couldn’t help myself.

His eyes narrowed with anger; I knew they would.

‘That was quite a surprise last night,’ I said, referring to their engagement. ‘I guess I should offer my best wishes to the happy couple.’

The wind howled right on cue as if it could not believe the words coming out of my mouth – that Heath was getting married and not to me.

He stiffened in front of me and drew in a breath before speaking.

‘You, Cathy, were all I could see as I came out on that terrace last night. The love of my life, the only woman in the whole goddamn world that I want to spend forever with, there naked in the pool and wrapped around Edgar Linton. If looks could kill, he’d be dead.’

I stored the words away to think back on them later but shot back a barb hoping to share the pain he caused me with his engagement notice.

‘But why would you even care if I was naked and pressed against Edgar, you were there with your fiancée. You’ve found the one, after all.’

‘So have you by the looks of it.’

‘I really care for Edgar,’ I agreed.

‘Care!’ he laughed.

I retorted: ‘Well maybe one day soon I’ll feel the love that you feel for Isabella for him too – that depth of love when you know you are going to be together forever.’

His jaw locked and I knew he felt nothing for her. He wanted to hit back at me, for me to feel the pain I caused him, and he had succeeded. We stood back in our corners; a stillness fell around us momentarily while thunder rumbled in the sky above us. I hated what I was saying. I hated the person I was now with him.

He shook his head, looked away momentarily and then returned his gaze to me. His eyes bored into me.

Everything had shifted – we were no longer looking at the same sky or standing on the same earth. And then I realised this was pointless. We hated each other and wanted to wound each other to remind us of our love. How hopeless.

I took off as fast as I could, taking Heath by surprise. A huge bolt of lightning terrified me but I kept going.

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