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‘Catherine Earnshaw,Between Night and Day.’
I think I screamed like a teenager at a concert. Oh My God, I’m a BAFTA nominee! I – am – a – BAFTA – nominee. I don’t know who followed me in the announcements but I’m a BAFTA nominee! Everyone was hugging and kissing me and when I surfaced, I thanked Tamara. I tried to rein it in as we listened to the other categories but I couldn’t concentrate I was so excited and I had a wave of missing Mum and Dad again. I wish they could be here to be proud of me, to share in my joy.
It was so exciting and we also got a nomination for best make-up … there were a lot of very ‘tortured’ cast members, including me, that needed our make-up team to make us look like the end was near. They earned that nomination. And then the best director category came up and I held my breath for Edgar and silently prayed. The room was still again as we all listened in.
‘Nominees for the best director are—’
I didn’t have to wait as Edgar’s was the first name read and we all cheered again.Between Night and Dayhad done well with five nominations. Heath’s film had three including a nomination for the best director category. It was going to be one hell of a night.
I excused myself for a few moments and went to call Edgar to congratulate him and bask in my happiness. What a brilliant day, what a brilliant feeling, there were no words – I wish he was with me. My gamble had paid off – coming to London with Nelly, taking the parts, this was what I had dreamed of. Now I just had the anxiety of waiting for the night and then waiting while the winner was announced for me, Edgar, and for my only living family member – Heath.
Chapter 35– The relaxation coach
I don’t want to sound like a drama queen but I had to get some relaxation help before the award ceremony. I was so nervous and anxious that I wouldn’t win; that I would win; that I’d say something stupid; that I would trip over on the way up to get my award; that my real friends would treat me differently after; and new friends would only like me because of my award if I won, and you get the picture, I was overthinking the whole thing way too much!
I mentioned it to Edgar but he shut me down with a kiss and a comment about how brilliant I would be no matter what happened. Okay then, that’s that. I vowed not to worry him again with my worry. So, I got a relaxation coach – yes there’s such a thing. Jaz, my agent, suggested it and put me on toMiss Dahlia Krueger, Relaxation Coach to the Entertainment Industry– that’s what her business card said.
I went to her office which was in the same building as Jaz—handy—and I felt automatically relaxed. I kid you not – the office was full of plants. It was a forest … I had to follow the sound of the waterfall to find the receptionist.
‘Just-call-me-Dahlia, darling,’was probably in her fifties with silver strands through her brunette hair, which she wore up in a bun. Her colouring nicely complemented her flowing red and yellow flower print Kaftan. I felt immediately at home, but that’s her job. I alsofelt rather drab in my jeans, a white T-shirt, a navy jacket, and white canvas sandshoes. I wish I was wearing a flower print and some obvious jewellery like Dahlia.
‘Darling, do sit,’ she said, as we entered her office and she closed the door. We both sat on a cream leather couch which was so comfy I could have curled up and had a quick nap. I was exhausted from over-thinking.
I had a one-hour session twice a week and I told her all my concerns. Dahlia nodded throughout and had a wonderfully sympathetic look on her face – God she was good.
‘Catherine, darling, let’s begin,’ she said when I finished talking. Spent, I nodded and shut up.
‘You are twenty-five and at the start of your career. Your work is done here,’ she said, and webbed her fingers, placing her hands on her lap and looking satisfied. I must have looked blank because she continued. ‘Being a nominee is an endorsement of your skills. It says to the audience and the industry that this young woman can act. We’re noticing her.’
I nodded. ‘Right, yes,’ I said.
‘You don’t have to do anything else but enjoy yourself on the night and if you take home the trophy as well, well that’s lovely isn’t it?’
She said it so matter-of-factly that I laughed. She had a lovely kind demeanour.
She smiled at me. ‘Well, we’re not saving the world, just entertaining them, darling.’
I conceded and gave her a nod. ‘Thank you.’
She held up her hand which I’m surprised she did so easily given the number of rings and bracelets she was wearing.
‘I’m not minimising the pressure you are feeling or making fun of you,’ she said. ‘Of course you are nervous, maybe even terrified, but it is all about perspective before, during, and after the win or event.’
I nodded again, following along. Dahlia, my relaxation coach, continued – I feel the need to say her title again because it was so weird to have a relaxation coach. Next, I’ll be hiring someone to give me compliments, good grief.
Focus, I told myself.
Anyway, Dahlia continued addressing my concerns. She had a very good memory given she wrote none of my concerns down … perhaps I’m cliché.
‘Darling,’ she said, ‘I want you to watch this beautiful and talented actress fall at an awards ceremony.’ The next moment, she turned her computer screen to face me, clicked on a link on her desktop and we watched as some poor woman stumbled up the stairs.
Dahlia laughed lightly. ‘Oh, she was so sophisticated and fun about it, she almost started a trend. She’s made it her signature not to take herself too seriously.’ She closed the link.
‘Got that, thank you,’ I said, exhaling with relief.
At my second session which has almost identical to the first but Dahlia wore a blue kaftan, I was told to come with a very brief speech prepared. Dahlia said I should just read it and not feel the pressure to be clever. She asked me how many speeches from winners I remembered from past award nights and there were very few I could recall. So my ‘relaxation coach’ reinforced to me that no one was hanging off my words. Of course … perspective, good to know.
And then she gave me the best piece of advice yet: ‘Darling Catherine, stop thinking about yourself and focus elsewhere.’
