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Everyone laughed at that. But then I got serious.
‘But Portia meant a lot to me. Because everyone in their life—whether they seem to have it all or they have nothing—will at some point be at that lowest ebb because that’s life and we’re human. So like Portia, please hang in there. Please…’ I paused to say the next words slowly and with emphasis, ‘stick around to see what happens next.’ I held up the award. ‘This happened. Thank you.’
After losing Mum, Dad and Hindley, I knew what low was like and it was super important to me to get that message out. I was just so thrilled I had the chance.
And I was done. I heard the applause as I gripped that award like it was never leaving my hand and I was led backstage for photos. The next few awards came and went, I could see them on the screen in the photo room – Best Animated Film; Special Visual Effects; Outstanding Debut by a Writer, Director or Producer; and Best Supporting Actor – none of which we had nominees in. Then it was the Best Make-up and Hair Award and I kept glancing at the screen while being photographed hoping we would take it out, but we didn’t. It went to one of those brilliant period films – so hard to beat them with the big hair and exaggerated make-up involved!
I was supposed to go to the interview room next but I requested permission to return to my seat so I didn’t miss Edgar’s award. I promised I would come to the interview room as soon as it was announced. It wasn’t the ‘done thing’ but the behind-the-scenes team kindly acquiesced. I snuck back into my seat as best I could and tried to suppress the joy emanating from me, knowing our fantastic make-up artist was seated behind me and didn’t win, and that Edgar would be super tense even if he wasn’t showing it. I sat close to him, my hand in his. We waited through another few awards: Outstanding Contribution, Original Screenplay, and then it was the Best Director Category.
My breath hitched and Edgar held my hand so tightly I thought he would break my fingers but I didn’t want to complain. The hosts ran through the five nominations and Nadim Ramirez was amongst them for Heath’s film,The Meaning of Nothing.There were two female directors nominated too which was exciting for the industry. Then the envelope was opened and the screen featured the five faces.
‘The award goes to Nadim Ramirez,The Meaning of Nothing.’
Edgar and I clapped and smiled as you do. I was so disappointed for my guy – my director, he had done such a brilliant job, but so too had Nadim. That film was amazing. I wondered how tonight would pan out now; would Edgar be happy to celebrate with me or too disappointed to party on.
We sat just holding hands, his hand was now loose and we let the night roll on, but there was still one award that could go to Edgar’s film– Best Actor for our lead, Travis. Not that I was keeping score, but currently it was two awards for Heath’s film and one for our film. The award for Best Leading Actress was next, we had no one in this category since Holly didn’t get nominated, but there was some amazing talent in it!
Then our last chance came and Heath’s big moment. I kept thinking about how he didn’t want to do a film and here he was at the award ceremony – the first of many for his film I imagine. I glanced over at Travis who was carrying all of our hopes forBetween Night and Dayand he gave me a nervous smile. I know it was probably the wrong thing to be thinking—I wouldn’t say it aloud of course—but I wanted Heath to win; to be honest, that’s all I’ve ever wanted. I did my best not to glance Heath’s way but I’m sure Isabella was offering him plenty of support. Don’t be catty, Cathy, I told myself.
The presenters read out the nominations; Travis was second, Heath was read out next out of the five nominees, and we watched their extracts on screen. Heath was so good and the extract they showed from his soliloquy was his best work without a doubt. Travis’ clip was good too but not a patch on Heath’s, sadly. Then it was announcement time.
‘And the winner is – Heath Earnshaw,The Meaning of Nothing’.
He had done it. My Heath had done it. I clapped enthusiastically, it was impulsive; and then I remembered Travis and where I was and reined it in. Isabella gave him an enormous showy kiss, well you would, and Heath adjusted his jacket and headed for the stage. Not a glance in my direction, even though I knew a camera was on me even for just a few seconds when his win was announced. Did they seriously think I was going to roll my eyes or freak out? It would be fun to see someone do that and be real though, just once.
I felt a rush of jealousy. I should be with him tonight celebrating his win.
The audience settled as he shook hands with last year’s winner, and turned to address us, the award in his hand.
It was quiet as he began.
‘I am here accepting this award because of one person only. But now the entire world is a collection of memoranda that she did exist, and that I have lost her. For you, Cathy.’
He pointed his award at me and then Heath walked off stage.
Shit. Hit. The. Fan.
Chapter 38– The aftermath
When I look back on that night, and when I watch the end of the award ceremony online, which I couldn’t do for the first week or so, I am struck by one thing – Heath has a wonderful sense of drama. He might have won the best actor but he stole the limelight from every other winner that night. His speech and the subsequent fallout were the talk of the entertainment media and as they say, he ‘broke the internet’.
As soon as the words left his mouth, the cameras scrambled to get our reactions. What a bummer I had returned to my seat as I had to face the music. I thought Edgar was going to implode he went so stiff and his grimace was sharp enough to kill, but he turned to me and put his arm around me and we kissed like he knew he had the prize and Heath had lost me. But don’t be fooled because that was all for the public eye and short-lived.
Across the aisle, Isabella was up and striding out before a camera person could even catch up with her, while the director kept one camera on us and one on the audience's reaction, meanwhile the poor presenters were trying to get the audience’s attention for the final category. God, what a nightmare. As they moved the awards along, Edgar and I rose and slinked out. I had to go do the interviews that I promised I would do. Edgar told me he would leave the driver for me to get me home, but I pulled him aside for a moment, far from the madding crowd.
‘Hey,’ I said, getting his focus on me, ‘that is not about us, that’s about Heath grandstanding. I’m so, so, sorry that our film didn’t bag more, it deserved it.’
He nodded, his mouth a straight line.
‘Make no mistake, Cathy,’ he said, in a low voice, ‘I won’t be humiliated by Heath, by you, or by anyone else. First, he turns down my movie offer and accepts another, winning the award for them, then he lays his claim on you. He wouldn’t do that if you didn’t encourage him. Now I know what happened that weekend you shot theWyldecommercial together!’
I’m sure my eyes flared red. Now I was furious.
‘Lay his claim! Nothing happened,’ I hissed. ‘I was on the phone to you both nights, he was staying with your sister, Isabella … remember her, the fiancée? Edgar you know I love you; I am here with you—’
‘—I’ll see you at home later,’ he said and cut me off. ‘Go party, you’ve earned your win. We’ll talk tomorrow.’
‘Well thanks for your support for my award win foryourfilm,’ I snapped. ‘You take the driver,’ I said, shaking my head. ‘I’ll catch up with Nelly and crash at my place.’
