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A slightly panicked look in her eyes made my chest twinge. “Shh, it’s okay.” I placed a hand on her shoulder, rubbing gently. “Everything is going to be fine, I promise.”
She stepped back, her face flushing as she glanced surreptitiously around the room. People were watching us, so I resisted the urge to reach out to her again, but I did gesture for her to follow me into the hall.
She did, but I still kept my voice low as I said, “I realize that, Jess. I know what I’m doing.” I raked a hand through my hair. “And honestly, I’m tired of pretending. I’m ready to be done with all of this.”
She reeled back, eyes wide. I frowned, confused by her reaction, but she simply cleared her throat and nodded stiffly. “Well, you still have one-on-one dates with each woman. Today they attend classes, but we can start the dates tomorrow. Melissa first?”
I nodded, not caring who went first. “That’s fine.”
She spun, walking back into the dining room before I could say anything else, leaving me wondering what I’d said wrong.
22
JESSICA
Focusing on the three women in class was harder than it had ever been before. My thoughts were split between the beauty of what Garrett and I had shared last night and the horror that three contestants left meant our time was speeding to an end, like a runaway train with no hope of changing course.
Did he not see that sending Stephanie home shortened our time together?
Luckily, Kayden joined me for the classes today, helping to take some of the pressure and attention off me since I was so stuck in my head. I was having trouble focusing. We were discussing the council positions with the women, giving them more insight into what they’d be responsible for, and then giving them a chance to ask questions and make good arguments for the positions they wanted.
We took our first break of the day a few hours later, talking outside the classroom about who we thought might be best for each position when the women’s voices caught my attention.
“I can’t wait for Garrett to meet my parents. We have an amazing night planned. What do you have planned for your visit?” That was Melissa.
My heart began to race, my breath coming in shallow pants. They were talking about their home visits when Garrett would travel home with each woman to meet her family and learn more about her in a private setting.
I knew this was coming—I’d made all the travel arrangements!—but to hear them discussing how they would spend that private time with Garrett made it real in a way it hadn’t been before.
No one else would be there. What if when he was alone with each of the contestants, with no other distractions, he realized he might be able to care for one of them?
I felt nauseous, my knees unsteady, and my ears began to ring.
“Jess?” Kayden leaned in and gripped my elbow, her brow furrowed as she studied my face. “Are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
I sucked in a sharp breath. Shit. I blinked and forced a smile, hoping it hadn’t been obvious that I’d zoned out. But how could it not have been?
“I’m fine, yeah. I just… uh, started thinking about something else.” I cringed. That wasn’t making it any better.
Kayden laughed and raised an eyebrow. “I don’t know what’s going on with you, but I have to admit, you’ve been pretty distant lately.”
“I know.” My shoulders drooped. “And I’m sorry about that. I’ve just been so wrapped up in this Contention…” And in Garrett. I sighed. “I’m sorry I haven’t been a better friend.”
Kayden’s mouth fell open. “That’s not what I meant, Jess. Please don’t think so. I know you’ve been busy. I have, too. With Holden not allowing Garrett to work, I’ve been his sounding board. It’s just a phase. As soon as the Contention is over, we’ll be back to spending so much time together that you’ll be sick of me.”
I laughed, though it didn’t ring true, and didn’t fully ease the tightness in my chest. “I do miss you.”
Kayden cocked her head for a moment, her gaze seeing a bit too much as she smiled and squeezed my arm. “How about this? Why don’t we have a girls' night tonight? There’s no reason to wait. We can skip the formal dinner and request delivery. Oh, I know!” Her eyes lit up. “We can go to one of our old contestant rooms, just like back in the day. Remember when we used to hang out just the two of us, to escape from it all?”
It sounded wonderful. An escape was exactly what I needed. “Okay, let’s do it,” I agreed. The prospect of watching yet another meal where Garrett sat with his future mate was more than I could handle today. “How about your old room? I always thought it had the better view.”
“It’s a deal.”
Just before dinner, having spent most of the afternoon avoiding everyone under the guise of having lots of work to do, I changed into casual sweatpants and a tank top. The days were warm as spring came into full bloom, but the evenings could be cool. I made my way down to the second floor, part of me hoping I’d run into Garrett, the other part wishing for anything but that.
After last night, I knew how much my heart was invested in this thing with him, which made every second I spent with him a foolish attempt at hanging onto something I could never have. The depth of my feelings had nearly spilled from my lips as we’d made love. It had taken everything in me to keep the words to myself.
Now, as I waited outside Kayden’s old room, I wondered if I could handle what was coming without falling apart—witnessing him marrying another woman and seeing his mate by his side. It was too much. Briefly, I wondered if I’d be better off returning to my pack, but I shook that off. I’d come too far to let heartbreak stop me from living my dreams.
