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Jessica was right.
It wasn’t fair for me to ask her to be my mistress. She deserved someone who could put her first and could walk beside in pride—not someone who had to keep her hidden behind closed doors.
I wasn’t that kind of man, either. I’d always prided myself on my honor. Just because Reagan would be okay with me being with Jessica secretly didn’t mean it was the right thing to do.
Which left me with two choices: call off the Contention and throw away everything Holden and I had worked so hard for, or let Jessica go and be free to find someone who could give her what she deserved.
Pain pierced my chest at the idea of losing her, more intense than anything I’d ever known. It was an impossible choice. How could I choose between my duty and the woman I loved?
But in the end, Jessica was right again. It wasn’t my choice to make. She’d made hers. And short of walking away from the life I’d worked so hard to build—walking away from the dreams Holden and I had for the future of the packs—there was nothing I could do. My fate had already been decided.
24
JESSICA
Ispent most of the next day locked in my room, using the excuse of planning Garrett’s upcoming proposal ceremony so I wouldn’t have to face anyone. The truth of it was that my eyes were puffy and red from crying all night, and I didn’t think I could hold a proper conversation to save my life.
The only thing that kept running through my head was that I had walked away from the man I loved when he’d flat out asked me to continue our relationship. But I couldn’t, no matter how much I wanted to be with him. What I’d said last night was the truth—I wouldn’t be anyone’s mistress, even if that meant breaking my own heart.
It was just before dinner when there was a knock on my door. I froze, half afraid it was Garrett, half hoping it would be him. But then Kayden popped her head through the door, and I didn’t know whether I was relieved or disappointed.
“Hey,” I said, offering her a weak smile.
She frowned and stepped inside, closing the door behind her. “Are you okay? I haven’t seen you all day.” Her gaze closed in on my eyes, and she strode forward. “You’ve been crying.”
I took a trembling breath, shaking my head, hoping there was a way to avoid this conversation, but when Kayden sat down in the chair across from me, I knew she wouldn’t leave until she had an answer that satisfied her.
“I’m just stressed. I’ll be fine. We’re nearing the end…” My voice broke, and the tears I’d been fighting welled up and spilled over.
“Holy shit. Jessica, what’s going on?” Kayden stood and rounded the desk, bending down to look at my face.
My lip quivered. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Well, I don’t care. Something’s been going on with you for a while, and I’m past the point of pretending it’s work stress. If you don’t tell me the truth right now, I’ll pull you off this Contention and put Willow in charge of the rest.”
I blinked up at her, my mouth dropping open. “You wouldn’t.”
“Oh, I would. And you know it.” Kayden gave me a stern look. “Now spill.”
At this point, did I even care about being pulled from the Contention? It might be a relief not to have to plan Garrett’s proposal ceremony—something I’d been avoiding all day. But I’d come this far. I was already walking away from the man I loved; I wasn’t willing to let my reputation go down the drain as well.
But it wasn’t the prospect of failing at my job that had me reaching for Kayden, sobbing as she pulled me in for a hug. It was the ache in my chest that I feared might never go away.
“I’m in love with Garrett,” I wailed then burst into a fresh round of tears. The crying felt endless like I’d never come up for air. But despite the pain, it felt good to finally let it out—to not keep everything bottled up inside, with no one to confide in.
Kayden held me through it all, not saying a word until my sobs were reduced to sniffling and hiccups. She finally pulled away, rocking back on her heels and shaking her head. “I should have known. You haven’t been yourself since all of this started. You could have come to me, Jessica. You’ve been dealing with all of this on your own, while Garrett…”
“While Garrett was choosing someone else to be his mate.” My throat constricted, burning with yet more tears. “I didn’t mean to, Kayden. It was an accident. Unexpected. I had no plans of falling for anyone, least of all someone I can’t have.”
She gave me a soft smile. “I understand. Don’t you remember how much I despised Holden? But sometimes no amount of reason can change what the heart wants.”
My face crumpled as I choked on a sob. “Are you mad?”
“What? Why in the world would I be mad?”
“Because you and Holden trusted me with this position, and now I’ve gone and bungled the whole thing.”
Kayden moved to a bar cart set up to the side of my window, filling a glass with ice and pouring bottled water over it. She brought it back to me then reached for my hand. “Come here. Let’s sit and talk.”
