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“Was.” I feel like I just got the checkmate, and I squeeze her hand in mine, noticing that she still hasn’t pulled away from me.
“Was what?” she asks, eyebrows furrowing in the most adorable way.
“Was your patient. Now I am just a man asking for your number.” I’m enjoying her flush way too much.
As my thumb brushes her hand, she changes the subject. “It looks like a popular place you’ve built here, Carter. You must be proud.” I still for a moment, because I haven't really ever reflected on the success I have had.
“I am not proud of a lot of things I have done, but yeah, I guess this gym is the one thing I am proud of.” The honesty this woman pulls from me leaves me a little unsettled. What is she doing to me?
“You’re not a bad man, Carter,” she says softly as she looks up to me, and I have never wanted to take a woman in my arms, kiss every part of her body, and fuck her, all in the same breath, as much as I do right now. She must feel it too, because her body is moving even closer to mine, and it will be a miracle if I ever walk away from her. I rub her hand with my thumb, caressing it in mine, keeping myself grounded. Not only is she fucking beautiful, but if she can see any good in a man like me, then she is even a better person than I thought possible.
“Believe me, when I leave this earth, the elevator is taking me straight down,” I say to her firmly, because it is a fact. There is no place in heaven for a man like me.
“Oh, I don’t know about that. Seems to me”—she takes another look around my gym—“that maybe the stairway to heaven will welcome you with open arms.”
I laugh then, before releasing her hand and moving my touch up her arm a little, itching to feel more of her bare skin, yet respecting her and still giving her some space. She has stars in her eyes if she thinks I am anyone else other than the angry, murderous mob soldier I am. I skim her skin with my fingertips, reveling in the goosebumps that appear beneath them. We’re toe to toe as we stand in the center of my gym, and with her body so close, the desire to strip her clothes off runs strong.
I want every fucker in this gym to know that she is mine, even though we are merely getting acquainted.
“Your life might be sunshine and rainbows, Cat,” I say, and I don’t miss the flinch of her eyes as I do, but I continue, “but I’m shrouded in darkness, and I have no idea how to live in the light.” My hand wanders up her arm and to her shoulder, lifting to brush a loose hair off her face before I reach down and grab her hand again.
“Oh, that’s easy…” She scoffs at me, and I squint at her in question.
“Oh, yeah?”
“Mmmhmm... you just take one step at a time,” is all she says before she’s stepping away from me, smiling as she grabs her things, walking out of my gym.
“Bye, Carter.” She gives me a small wave, and I can’t hold back the stupid grin that takes over my face as I nod to her, standing there like a fool as I watch her go.
Once she is out the door, I look around the gym. Yes, I am fucking proud. I poured so much of myself into this gym to get it exactly how I wanted it. So to have someone else acknowledge that effort makes it all the more special.
As I see boys and men working out their grief or anger or whatever emotion they need to unleash on the punching bags, I feel a renewed sense of accomplishment. I’m seeing the space through a new lens, and I am even more excited for what this place now offers, not only me but to the kids and women in the community.
And as I slowly walk to the stairs to make my way back to my office, I feel light on my feet. Benji comes up to me as I take the first step up, making me pause.
“They’re over there,” he says with a nod of his head toward the front door of the gym.
“What?” I ask, looking around, wondering what the fuck he is talking about this time.
“Your balls. Doc just walked out the door with them.” He bursts out laughing, walking away before I can get a punch in.
12
Catherine
It has been a few days since my self-defense class and my body is still sore. I can now understand how Carter is so immaculately carved, his body like something you see on the cover of fitness magazines.
I have to say, even though I only learned a move or two, I am feeling more confident. It was a great idea by Maggie to enroll us. After class, it was clear that this energy I have around Carter is not one-sided and I don’t know what to make of it.
Maggie had twenty questions in the car on the way home. We have no secrets, my sister and I, and when I told her all about my conversation with Carter and the feelings that are starting to develop, she nearly drove off the road. At first, I thought it was because she felt unsettled that we are going to a gym owned by the mob, and thinking her sister is crazy for wanting to be close to a man who probably murders people before breakfast. But she smiled instead, happy with the fact that my interest has been sparked after not thinking about men or dating for a long time now. Not able to trust them enough to even considerate it.
I see a lot of good in Carter, despite what he may have done, or continues to do in New York. It’s odd for me to be this sure, this secure in the type of person that he is. I just hope that I am right, since my history shows that my instincts with men are not always on point.
I keep thinking about Carter and his display at the gym with Cliff. Was it possessive? Yes. Is he a bit of an asshole? Also, yes. Is he hot as hell and does my body melt under his gaze? Does his voice give me a weird inner calm, soothing and soft, yet gruff and protective. Absolutely yes and yes.
I have never had this type of attraction to a man before. At school, I was a bit of a nerd, head of the chess club, always had my head buried in my textbooks. That’s what I had to do in order to be a surgeon. It was my dad’s dream for me to follow in his footsteps, and I worked my butt off in college to make sure that I did everything he wanted. So, there was no time for boys.
Then I was always with Daniel. Our fathers pushed us together the moment we both graduated from med school. While he seemed nice at first, there were definitely no butterflies for me, but back then, I would’ve done anything to have my father’s approval and so I went on a few dates and we became a couple. Given we both worked in medicine, we had little time for each other due to our work, and I suppose that is why I stayed for so long. Too long. When Ivy was conceived, it became apparent that he wasn't the man I thought he was.
