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He doesn’t deserve someone like me? His words loop around in my mind as I try to get myself together, my legs still feeling shaky from both the workout tonight and the amazing sex.
Was sex all he was after? Did he use me, and I fell like prey into his hands?
I am so stupid. Such a naïve fool to think that a man like Carter would want anything other than that. I should have known better. The first man to pay me any real attention and I go and throw myself at him like a needy schoolgirl.
He is right. On paper, we don’t fit. But when we’re together, there is a real connection, and after what we just did, I know he feels it too. He has to…
But his rejection stings.
Swallowing down the tears that threaten to fill my eyes, I feel worthless and totally pathetic. We didn’t even use protection, and I thank God that I am on the pill, because it only took one time with Ivy. What was I thinking?
I wasn’t, that’s the problem.
Looking around the empty gym I try to get myself together. Bending down, I swipe my drink bottle and grab my keys before rushing out the door. When I hit the main gym area, I don’t stop. I have tunnel vision as I head for the door, my arms hugging my chest, thankful the music is loud to drown out my thoughts.
Benji is sitting at the front desk, and I make the mistake of meeting his eyes as I walk past. I try to stand tall, even though my dignity is slipping from my fingers at a fast pace.
“He didn’t mean it, whatever he said or did. He’s scared,” he says softly, looking as glum as I feel. I don’t say anything as I stop and stare at him. “You are both from two different worlds, and he likes you. Shit, does he like you. He feels like he isn’t good enough for you. That’s what it comes down to.” The pain in my stomach tightens. I swallow, again trying to keep the tears at bay. “But he really likes you, Cat.”
“I don’t think so, Benji. If he liked me, he wouldn’t have treated me like he just did.” I will myself not to cry. Not here. Not in his space. I don’t want him to see me shed a tear for him.
“I need to go,” I say to him before I put my head down again and walk out the door.
“See you next week!” Benji hollers to me, and I turn and look at him abruptly.
“For your class, he won’t be here. He will be in New York, so you should still come,” Benji says, like he is extending an olive branch. I simply nod quickly and keep walking. The last place I ever want to be is back in this gym.
Out in the fresh air, I take a deep breath and get into my car, locking the door behind me. Now in the dark of the night, in the quiet of my own space, a lone tear falls down my cheek. But I don’t want to cry here, so I throw my things onto the passenger seat and turn on the ignition.
As I flick on my lights and drive away, I leave a piece of me behind.
19
Carter
Seething as I sit in my office, I rub an ache in my chest. I watched her as she walked from the back room and through the gym, not looking at anyone, her beautiful head down, her posture broken, knowing that I did that to her.
It fucking kills me.
I have had sex with women, then carelessly left immediately after, plenty of times before. But this was different, much different. Because I didn’t want to. I wanted to scoop her up and take her home.
Only I can’t do that. I can’t have her caught up in my life. It isn’t fair.
So, I took my taste. Like a damn beast. I couldn’t control myself, and I took from her what I have desired ever since the moment I met her, thinking maybe it would be enough. To quench the thirst I have for her. But it wasn’t. And deep down, I knew that’s exactly how it would be.
I am a fucking grade-A asshole.
Jumping up from my chair, I throw open my door and take the stairs down two at a time before walking back to the scene of the crime. Slamming my personal gym door shut, I head straight over to the punching bag and start hitting it.
I don’t even bother with gloves or tape. As the anger in my body mounts, I throw my fists at the vinyl bag one after the other, over and over, each one more vicious than the last. Sweat pours down my face, my t-shirt now soaked again, as I continue my assault.
“You’re going to wreck that bag,” Benji says from behind me. He is a stealth motherfucker because I didn’t even hear him come in.
“Fuck off, Benji,” I grit out in between punches, not looking at him.
“She’s gone, you know.”
“I know.”
