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“I know you feel like shit now, but seriously, he would have put Daniel to shame. I know it.” She isn’t wrong. Daniel couldn’t even make me orgasm.
“You’re right,” I say to her on a sigh, and she looks at me wide-eyed, her expression one of shock. She looks even more ridiculous with her hair now a soft red color from the food dye I put in her shampoo earlier today.
“Not about the sex. I mean, yes, you’re right about that. But what I mean is, I need to take charge of my life. I need to get it sorted.” As my tears dry, I feel a small amount of courage building inside me.
“I need to clean up my mess of a life before I can fully be open to anything or anyone else. Whether it is Carter, or someone else—if that is what I want in life—then I need to tackle my problems before I can drag anyone else into it,” I say with more strength than I feel, my mind now racing a million miles an hour.
“What are you getting at?” Maggie eyes me suspiciously.
“For years, I let Dad and Daniel tell me I wasn’t good enough. Whether it was with work, or as a mother, or even just as a woman. Maybe subconsciously I started to believe them. Or… honestly, I did believe them. When Carter first showed interest in me, I thought there was no way he could be. Then, when I pushed those thoughts aside, I realized being with Carter made me feel wanted again. Like someone could find me attractive and beautiful, but more than that… it felt like I mattered to someone. And that was nice. Until it wasn’t, obviously.” I swallow hard, pushing out a breath.
“Cat, you know that anything they say is wrong. Of course, you are beautiful, caring, smart, an excellent mother, and so many other wonderful things. Too many for me to list, that’s for damn sure,” Maggie says, her eyes welling with tears, and I squeeze her hand in mine.
“I feel that now.” Even after everything that happened tonight, Carter still made me feel things I never thought I could. I’ll always remember that.
“I have a battle to fight, Maggie. It’s time to get more serious. I need a lawyer. I need to remove any permanent attachments to Daniel, sever all ties completely, including terminating any parental rights he has to Ivy. I haven’t pushed it before now because I was too scared. But I can’t keep living like this. Living every single day in fear, always on edge. It needs to stop. Now.” She nods in agreement, probably having been onboard with my plan before I even laid it out. She’s wanted me to do this for a while.
“What should we do about Dad?” Maggie asks, and that is the other dark cloud that continually circles me. I haven’t heard from him in weeks. The last time was when he yelled down the phone at me, demanding I go back to Daniel. I have no idea why he still wants us together. I have told him about the abuse, about his horrible ways with Ivy, but if I’m honest with myself, the two of them are a lot alike.
Dad wasn’t always controlling and cold, but when Mom died years ago, he changed. He started working longer hours, and that led to him getting caught up with new friends, New York businessmen who didn’t have time for their wives or families. Maggie and I saw Dad less and less over the years until I left Daniel, then he swiftly got back in touch and told me exactly what I needed to do.
“His expectation of me is to be playing happy families with Daniel in New York, whether it is safe for me or not. He expects me to get my old job back, have a nanny look after Ivy, and to get into line, regardless of my own safety and happiness. I deserve better, Maggie. If I want a chance at life again, at love again, then I need to get rid of the baggage that is continually bringing me down. That includes Dad too.” I feel lighter for verbalizing my thoughts, some that I didn’t even know I had until right in this very moment.
“Let’s start tonight,” Maggie suggests, and I look at her in question. She jumps up and grabs her laptop from the kitchen bench, then sits next to me on the sofa.
“Let’s find you the best family lawyer in the country and start building your new life.” Her fingers are tapping on her keyboard before I even respond.
“I love you, Maggie.” I have never been more grateful to have her in my life.
Looking up from the screen, she reaches over and squeezes my hand. “And I love you, Cat.”
“Nice hair, by the way,” I say to her with a smile, not able to hold it in any longer.
“Be afraid dear sister, be very afraid…” She shakes her head, laughing, and I already know she has put itching powder in her spare bed for me. It looks like I will be sleeping on the sofa tonight.
Maggie and I search for the best family lawyer our money can find. While I took no money when I left Daniel, him having looked after all of our combined assets, I know that on my current salary, along with a loan from Maggie, I can afford a lawyer who will at least give it all a red-hot go.
No one is coming to save me.
This is a fight that I have to win on my own.
21
Carter
After arriving back at the compound and spending a few days with the boys, Dante and I are now sitting in the car outside a seedy bar on the edge of town. Running on intel, our team gleamed from a few people in the know, we are looking for a man called Henderson. Cliff Henderson. An associate close to the businessmen who we think are planning to upend Senator Roy’s current term. We are here to find him and get information, hoping that it leads us to find the main culprits.
We take a look at the place from the outside. We’ve never been here, but it has an air of familiarity to it. Run-down and in desperate need of repair, the overweight bouncers at the door barely move as we step inside. The obnoxiously loud music insults my ears, and I see a few scantily clad women roaming around. They are the topless wait staff, but I can see them trying to make tips from other activities as I watch one of women grab the hand of an older guy, leading him out the back.
“Fuck, this place is a shithole,” I murmur to Dante, who nods in agreement.
“There he is,” Dante says, and I follow his line of sight, spotting the grey-haired man currently flirting with a woman who looks half his age.
“Fucking dirty prick.”
We move in his direction, and as we get closer, two younger men stand, clearly his bodyguards, and I wonder why he needs them if his business dealings are supposedly so clean.
“Who the fuck are you?” the old guy spits out, and my jaw clenches. I am itching to get my anger and frustrations out, and this man will do just fine. I’ve been functioning on autopilot, drowning myself in work and training, not wanting to think about her.
