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“Hey,” he says quieter, his hand coming to my waist. I don’t step back, and instead I let him touch me, tired of depriving myself. His hand grips my skin lightly, his touch eager, his thumb caressing the bare skin between my tights and my crop top, making my skin prickle and my heart skip a beat.
“Hey,” I say softly back to him as my hands grip onto my water bottle, afraid that if I let go, they will land on his chest, at which point he may as well scoop me up and take me home because I would be lost to him forever.
“When is your fight?” I ask. Now that I know he is stepping back in the ring and could get hurt, I am not liking the idea of him fighting at all.
“In under two weeks,” he says, looking down at me from under his brow, his hand giving my waist a squeeze. My eyes flick down to his torso… how does he look even better up close? There is not an inch of fat on his chiseled body, and I swallow as I try to calm my racing heart. He is standing mere inches in front of me, my body almost shielded by his, and there is no question that he is trying to ensure everyone knows who I belong to.
“Thank you for the gifts. Ivy really loves them.” His eyebrows rise and a smile forms on his lips.
“What about you?”
“What about me?”
“Do you love them?” he asks, his cheeky smile contagious. I like that he isn’t pushing me, trying actively to make things right.
“They are very sweet, Carter. Thank you,” I say with a small smile appearing. His gaze drops to my lips when he sees it, and when he meets my eyes again, my whole body heats.
“Okay, ladies, are we ready?” Cliff calls out to us all.
“I gotta go,” I say to him as Maggie starts walking over to the mats.
“I will catch you before you leave,” he tells me, and with a final small squeeze, he walks back to the ring to his training, and I try to tear my eyes away.
As I join Maggie on the mat and begin listening to Cliff about defensive poses, I can’t help my thoughts from drifting to Daniel and my father. I think about Daniel’s visit to the hospital, rubbing my cheek, not forgetting the hard slap my father landed not too long ago. I have to admit, I’m not feeling as confident now with the situation. I feel like I am on a timeline, and at any moment, they will pounce, and I have no idea when, where, or how.
“It’s okay, Cat. Take a breath for me. Everything will be okay,” Maggie says, nudging me with her shoulder. My face must portray everything I am feeling. I hear her words, but they don’t stop the fear and hopelessness that suddenly washes through my body. My breathing doesn’t slow after my deep breath, it quickens, along with my heartbeat. Flicking my eyes from her to the rest of the women here, I become slightly dizzy.
“I think I need the bathroom.” I quickly jump up and walk swiftly to the nearby ladies’ room, before running into a stall and emptying the contents of my stomach in the toilet.
“Cat!” I hear Maggie say, and then she’s right behind me, pulling my ponytail back as I continue to heave until nothing is left. Sinking onto the floor, I lower my head in my hands and try to catch my breath, to stem the tears that I know are about to escape.
“Are you all right?” Maggie asks gently, and I look at her quickly and nod.
“Just give me a minute. I will come back out. I just need a moment to gather myself,” I say to her through rough breaths, and she nods reluctantly, leaving the bathroom and giving me the privacy I need.
It is all becoming too much, and I am not sure how much more I can handle. It is like I am lost out at sea, and I can see the big wave coming, knowing that there is no way I can survive it, yet there is nothing I can do to stop it from crashing into me and pushing me to the depths of the ocean floor where there is no chance I will surface again.
The fear is now suffocating.
I stand gingerly and walk slowly toward the sink, running the cold water, before dipping my hands into it and splashing it on my face. As I look back up in the mirror, I gasp as Carter stands right behind me, sweat dripping from his forehead, his eyes latching right onto mine.
“You know, I met this woman,” he says, and I look up at him, my heart pounding. “And for some reason, she saw good in me when I couldn’t see it for myself.” My chest warms as I wait, remaining silent, watching him through the mirror, hooked on his words.
“I told her that I lived in the darkness and had no idea how to step into the light...” My nerves from moments ago are left behind as he takes a step closer to me, slowly, like I am a hurt animal that will scurry away.
“But do you know what she said?” he asks me, his voice so beautifully vulnerable, his face becomes blurry from the tears glazing over my eyes.
“She told me that it was easy. I just had to do it one step at a time.” His hand connects with my waist, and I turn around to face him. As I look up at him, a lone tear runs down my cheek, my lips trembling with emotion I’m holding back.
“I got you, Cat,” he assures me, as his other hand comes up and cups my cheek, his thumb brushing away my tears. “Let’s take those steps together, yeah?”
And at his declaration, I take a big breath, leaning into his chest where he holds me tight.
My arms wrap around his sweaty body, and I squeeze my eyes shut, tears overflowing onto his bare skin.
He remains quiet, letting me be, holding me strongly with one arm around my waist, the other softly squeezing the back of my neck.
I have never felt as safe as I do right now in his arms.
