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Laughed.
Hid my emotions.
Were they totally convinced? No.
Did Luna demand I let it out once we were back from the hotel? Yes.
However, I chose to hug her instead and then retreat into the guest room for a night of restless tossing and turning. Because when you’re alone at night and without distractions, you can’t escape reality and it’s a vicious punch to the gut that knocks the air from your lungs.
I’ve gone from angry to hurt, and then consider taking a leave of absence from work.
Maybe being out of Miami for a few weeks would do me some good. The distance will help me with the ever-present clench in my chest.
Flicking my eyes to the bedside clock, I watch the numbers turn and the bright white lights announce that it’s a little after eleven in the morning. Somehow, I managed to catch four hours of sleep and know it’s going to be a long day. Luna and Thiago decided on a late-evening wedding, anticipating the all-out party the reception would turn out to be.
Hair and makeup will be here in another two hours, and I sit up against the headboard, try to get comfortable while breathing in deep and exhaling slowly. Right now, I need to get control of myself and my emotions.
The silence today is everything I want to avoid and I grab my phone, opening the Spotify app. Working in the bail bond industry has its up and downs like any job, but what drains me is finding those who skip and put unnecessary financial hardship on their families. It breaks a piece of my heart each time, and it’s why I take those cases on personally.
The De Leon family is in business with my family as backers.
It’s a mutually beneficial agreement that I’ve never questioned before. They get easy access to bail out anyone in the organization if needed, and we don’t use outside insurance companies or local government programs, which makes it dangerous for those who choose to wrong our clients.
I’m loyal to those paying the bail, and our private backing guarantees the casualties are minor.
It doesn’t stop many from trying, but the chase is never long.
Maybe that’s the catch. Keep me complacent and easy to agree to just about anything as long as he’s touching me. “Is that why?” No. It can’t be. Won’t accept it, because if I do, I’ll hate people I’ve come to love as if they were family. “Please let there be any other reason. Don’t let me be just another pawn.”
Exhaling roughly, I choose my work playlist after the app loads and let a soothing classical composition run through me. There’s something calming in the low cadence, how each chosen song in this list doesn’t have large crescendos in their peak, but more of a soft melody meant to lull.
And it works. I can feel my muscles begin to loosen up and by the third song, I’m running through the day’s plans while shutting off my emotions. The stylist will be coming here soon to the couple’s home, and they’ll set up in the main living room that’s been emptied for that purpose. No fuss. No muss.
To be honest, it’s kind of cute how Thiago’s taken care of her every whim. Flowers, food, and location were all inconsequential when all he demanded is that she slept with him every night. No exception or night before separation as tradition dictates. No overnight planning sessions either; Luna has been by his side every day.
It’s also one of the reasons she chose to have it at home.
The woman is as addicted and obsessed as he is.
“I’m never going to find a love like that if I stay here.” My whisper travels through the room, echoing back the grief residing within my heart, yet there’s also determination building within. It solidifies and almost feels as though it were a real entity—this being that pushes me to breathe in again and exhale my tension.
It’s time I accept that Ivan isn’t for me.
I need a man who wants to be by my side out in the open and with no stipulations.
Free. Honest. Raw.
My calm lasts as long as my solitude. Until the padding of feet comes closer, and I turn my head in the direction of the closed door. Then I put on my office smile.
The one that greets customers and makes them feel at ease in my presence. I won’t ruin her day.
My best friends are anything but subtle on the other side, and their muffled exchange would be funny any other day.
“You open it.” That’s Nat.
“It’s my day. You do it,” Luna hisses.
“I can hear you,” I call out.
