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“No,” I lie.
“Oh, come on, you can’t fool me. You’ve fallen for him hard and you’re scared whatever secrets he’s got are bad ones.”
I shrug back at her.
“Ella, we’re young, we only have a few months left till graduation. Live a little, have fun, And tell Mr. fucking Macho, from me, if he hurts you it won’t be just his secrets biting him on the ass.”
“I doubt I’ll be telling him anything, you saw how he just looked at me,” I point out.
“You’re so silly,” she shakes her head amused, before kissing both my cheeks and rushing down the hall towards her class.
I sit at my desk in calculus and Luke winks at me as he walks past to take his seat. I can’t focus all lesson, I need to speak to Nyx, to tell him I’m sorry. I love that he worries about me. But he doesn’t understand how dangerous Luke can be. He’s clever and his dad holds a lot of power around town, not to mention the school itself. He’s chair of the board.
Nyx thinks he’s untouchable, physically he probably is, but with Luke Robinson, he’s playing in a different league.
I find him sketching under his tree at lunchtime and watch him for a while, too scared of rejection to approach him. Then after a few deep breaths I waste no more time and make my way over to him,his eyes lift up from his pad as if he senses me coming.
He shuts up his book, putting it in his bag and I smile at him awkwardly, feeling horribly distant from him when he doesn’t respond.
“Can I sit?” I ask.
“You’re a big girl you can do what you like,” he bites back sarcastically, and I sit down beside him, despite his frostiness.
“Whatcha drawing?” I ask, hoping to ease him into a conversation.
“Ella I…”
“I’m sorry,” I interrupt before he can finish. “What I said. I didn’t mean it. I just couldn’t let you hurt Luke again.”
“But why?” he shakes his head at me like he fails to understand my logic.
“Because you can’t just go beating on everyone who hurts me, the world doesn’t work like that, Nyx.”
“And there lies our problem, Ell, because that’s exactly how the world works for me. The thought of someone hurting you, or looking at you like Luke thinks he can, I don’t just want to hurt him. I want to kill him. I want to take care of you, and this the only way I know how,” he admits, his eyes dropping from mine to focus on the blades of grass he’s ripping out the ground.
“That’s sweet, but you can’t…”
“Sweet.” He laughs bitterly. “Ell, there ain’t nothing sweet about it. This is who I am, you can’t change me, that’s how I deal with shit. And it makes me so mad that you want to protect him.”
“Nyx, I’m not trying to protect him. I’m trying to protect you. You underestimate Luke, he could hurt you if he wanted to.”
“No one can hurt me,” he says, all his focus on me now. “Except for you.” His voice fades and he looks down shyly when I place my tiny hand over his.
“Why do you shut me out of your world? I feel like you don’t want to let me in and it hurts?” I ask him.
“You ever wonder…” he slips his fingers through mine and scoops my hand up to his mouth, placing a firm kiss where we link, “…that maybe I’m protecting you from it?”
“Protecting me from what?” I ask, hoping this will be the time he chooses to open up to me.
“Everything,” he tells me sadly. “It’s a big nasty world out there, Ell, I’d much rather keep you in this one.” His hand squeezes mine a little tighter.
“Are you mad that I yelled at you in front of the whole school?”
“No, I’m mad that you won’t let me stand up for you. That you don’t trust me when I tell you that Luke can’t touch me.”
“You’re not invincible, Nyx, no one is,” I warn him.
“That’s what you think.” He suddenly grabs at my waist, that handsome smile from this morning finding his lips again.
