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“You’re getting noshed off, aren’t ya?” I shake my head to myself.
“Yep… and I’ll be at the studio in ‘bout half an hour so you better pick us up something for breakfast.” He hangs up the phone and I check the time. 8:50.
Ella could be making her way to college now. Ironically, it’s the same one Hayley and Mads used to go to and it’s only a few minutes ride from here. So is Bernie’s. The best food joint for miles.
It’s a stupid thing to do, especially when it risks her seeing me. I guess I’ll just have to make sure she doesn’t.
I park my bike and pull up my hood before I start walking the route to Bernie’s, which passes right past the College entrance. The chances of seeing her are low, I don’t even know if she has an early Friday class anyway. Still, I find a tree with a thick enough trunk on the opposite side of the road to the entrance and allow myself five minutes.
Five minutes to catch a tiny glimpse of her, to see her again after all the time I’ve had to go without her, and when after seven I still have no luck… I decide to move on.
One last glance over my shoulder causes me to stop moving, and I have to check twice because I swear the person I’m looking at is Ella Jackson. Same height, same hair color, but this is not my girl.
Her skin is too pale, her eyes are dark and tired. My feet freeze onto the sidewalk, a heavy weight crushing at my chest. She’s wearing the hoodie I gave her, it’s at least three times too baggy for her tiny frame, and the jeans she’s wearing aren’t the usual ones that flaunt all her curves.
She clutches her folder tight over her front and keeps her head down like she doesn’t want to be noticed. The impulse to run across to her and scoop her up almost has me moving towards her. But I’m helpless, and it hurts like hell.
Seeing Ella so miserable and broken is a stark reminder that all this is my fault. I did this. I broke her heart. All this is on me, and that causes me more pain than my body can cope with.
I turn away, running back to my bike, and I skid off, forgetting all about Bernie’s.
I should never have come back here, now knowing that every day she’ll be less than a few miles away from me. I’m not strong enough for that. What was I thinking? What was Prez thinking? None of this makes any sense.
It kills me that it will be left for someone else to drag her out of the hole she’s fallen into. A pit I created full of darkness, that’s left her hurt and in pain. And all I can do for her now is pray that in time she’ll find her light again.
“Jesus, I thought you’d at least look happy to be back,” Tac says after his last customer leaves. He looks up at the clock and steps out back, pulling two beers from the fridge. Popping the cap on one before handing it to me.
“That’s us done for the day, kid. Back to the club for the welcome back party? I know Mel’s gonna be happy to see ya,” he winks.
“I don’t know.” I take a swig of my beer and busy myself clearing up Tac’s mess.
“Whatcha mean?”
“I don’t know how Prez is gonna react to me being back, and to be honest I’m tired from the ride back last night.”
“Tired, are you shitting me Nyx, I raised you better than that.” He slaps me on the back of my head. “You don’t have to worry about Prez, you wouldn’t be back here if he didn’t want you.”
“You're saying that me being back here got jack fuck to do with you?” I look back at him unconvinced.
“Hey, you know the Prez, once that man’s got his head set, ain’t anyone who can change his mind. You going to Utah was a lesson, not a banishment. You’re an asset to the club, Nyx. You proved that when you got banged up.”
I want to believe him. I want to believe him real bad. But he doesn’t know how deep my betrayal lies. He doesn’t know that I’ve failed the Prez in the worst possible way. Not only did I fall in love with his daughter, but I wrecked her in the process.
Maybe Prez does know about my real feelings for Ella, Jimmer Carson is a clever man. Perhaps this is my real punishment. Being this close is a torture I thoroughly deserve.
“It was a few months in county, Tac, hardly hard time.” I distract myself from the thoughts in my head, I know Tac did a five-year stint for the club before I met him. I didn’t go to jail for the club though. I can see how it would look that way. But he was much more a problem for me than he was the club.
“Come on, Prez wants us to do some bar runs before we head back to the club,” Tac says, and I roll my eyes before finishing my beer. Doing bar runs with Tac is never a quick job.
The club have a lot of investments around town and on the last Friday of the month, we pick up our profits. That usually consists of Tac stopping by each one, checking up on ‘business’ while getting smashed, and me driving. I guess things haven’t changed since I’ve been gone. Still, it’ll keep us away from the club for a few more hours.
We’re on our way to the fifth bar, and Tac is already half cut. His hand hanging out the window and banging loudly on the side of the truck to the beat of the music blaring out the stereo as we pull up outside Dillon’s Sports Bar.
I follow him inside and he heads straight for the bar, Dillon sees us and lifts his head before disappearing out the back to get us our cash. Tac has already knocked back a shot in the time it’s taken me to step up beside him, and I shake my head at the barmaid when she holds up an empty glass at me.
There’s noise coming from a crowded booth in the corner of the bar, and I see the waitress sneering at the group of lads causing it.
“They givin’ ya trouble, Zara?” Tac asks as she places her tray on the bar.
