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In the short time I’ve known her, she slowly started to take away the burden of my hatred. She got me considering a future rather than being plagued by a past. And as she leans forward, her hand touching against my cheek, and her lips moving to settle on mine, I remain still.
“Please Brax, let's not leave it like this,” she whispers against my lips. “I really wish we could have said goodbye properly last night.”
The thought was tempting but I wasn't gonna do it to myself. We’re better off leaving things like this. I need to get back to being the person I was before she invaded my life. Go back to hating everyone and everything.
“It's better this way, Gracie,” I tell her firmly, and she nods like she understands before pulling away from me. I watch as she opens the door and steps out onto the path that leads to her house, looking over her shoulder at me as she walks the path to the front door.
Then she reaches into her back pocket and takes out the key we took the night we came back here looking for her mom’s stuff. I wait until she’s inside before I slam the palm of my hand into the steering wheel. Hitting the damn thing so hard that pain shoots up through my elbow.
I shouldn’t have wanted more. I shouldn’t have let her in in the first place. These past few weeks I’ve felt myself morphing into someone I don’t recognize. The same someone, who has no control over what he does when he gets out of the truck, slams the door and storms toward the front door.
I hammer my fist against the wood, and when she flings open the door, I push her inside, pressing my lips hard into hers before she has the chance to speak. I let myself taste them one last time, and my hands slip into her silky blonde hair with a desperation I seem to have no control over.
“Brax,” she whispers against my mouth.
“I want us to say goodbye properly too.” I kiss her until she pulls away from me, and just when I think she’s gonna reject me, she takes my hand in hers and silently leads me up the stairs.
She pulls me into the room I took her from, and it seems impossible to believe how far we’ve come since then. Her bed is still made out perfectly with pure white cotton sheets. And the dress she wore to her parents’ funeral is still in a heap on the floor.
Standing in front of me, she takes some time to look me over, and I wonder if she still sees the monster who took her that day. A man who took her without even knowing what she’d done to deserve it.
I feel like I’m a different person now, she’s responsible for that.
I reach for the waistband of her jeans and tug her back against me, letting my lips explore her neck and shoulders while I unbutton her jeans. She slowly wriggles out of them, kicking them away as my fingers trace over the curve of her hip, moving over her ribs, and gathering her top to slide it over her body. Her arms raise so I can lift it off her head, and I scrunch the fabric in my fist before I toss it at the floor.
I ache for this woman, even when I got her in my arms, and I can’t imagine how I’m gonna be when I can’t have her. As desperate as I am to be inside her, I really want to take my time to savor every inch of her skin. Because soon, memories will be all I have to torture myself with.
I brush the hair off her shoulders and kiss her from her ear to her collar bone, hoping it will embed the taste of her onto my lips. I’m past pretending to myself that I’m okay with giving her up. Doing this is gonna break us both, but I’d rather be broken then never show her what she meant to me.
Sliding her bra straps off her shoulder, I kiss the top of her arm, then move my hand across her chest. Trailing the tip of my nose back up to her ear.
“I wish I could keep you,” I confess, my palm resting flat over her heart so I can feel it beating, and the sharp breath she sucks in when I bite down on her lobe has my cock aching for her even more.
I guide her backward until she lies on her bed, and I drop to my knees in front of her, lifting my T-shirt over my head before I lean forward. When I press my lips against her lace panties, she lets out a long moan and I lick a path right through the center of them. Moving her legs over my shoulders, I pull the lace up over her thighs and toss them away, before touching my tongue between her legs. Tasting her from her soaked hole, to her pulsing little clit.
She fists at my hair and bites down on her lip, and I can’t take my eyes off hers as she falls apart for me. And as her hips dance to the rhythm of my tongue, I store the vision inside my sick twisted mind, knowing it doesn’t belong there. Eventually, I move up her body, kissing over her stomach and ribs until my body is fully covering hers.
How can something be so damn beautiful that it physically hurts to look at? How can something so perfect cause such suffering?
I’ve never wanted anything as much as I want her, not even vengeance, and it fucking pains me that I can’t think of a way to make it work.
“Please, Brax,” she begs, her fingers touching my lips as her hips wriggle needily into mine. I rest all my weight on one arm while I unbuckle my belt, and Gracie pushes the jeans off my hips before I kick them off. My heavy cock falls free and she takes me in her hand, pressing me tight against her body, stroking me slowly between her stomach and her palm and causing me to leak on to her skin. Then reaching her head up so her lips touch mine, she slowly guides me to her entrance.
My arms slide under her body and grip at her shoulders, slowly pushing her on to me and filling every tight inch inside her that should belong to me. We both make the same relieved sigh that we always do when she's taken all of me, and I hold myself steady and let myself take in the beautiful look of contentment on her face.
I convinced myself that being inside her would take away the pain inside me, but it only makes it worse. I don’t want this vision kept in my head where all my other memories lie. Gracie doesn’t have a place there, she should have a place of her own. Somewhere untainted.
I push past that thought and rotate my hips into hers, giving everything I have to her. I take her in a way I’ve never taken a woman before. Slow, unselfish, and gentle. It allows me to appreciate every tremble her body makes for me. And as my rough thumbs stroke the soft skin on her shoulders and her pussy clenches around my shaft, I realize that I had no real sense of pain before I met her. Being without her, is gonna be like trying to breathe without oxygen.
“Brax… I—”
“Don’t,” I shake my head at her in warning. I know what she’s gonna say. I know, because I fucking feel it too. It’s un-fucking-deniable. The way our bodies move in sync, the way I feel like I’m drowning inside.
I’m feeling it.
But I can’t hear her say the words. If I do, I’ll never be able to leave her.
“I know, Gracie,” I whisper back at her. Pressing my lips over the tear that slips on to her cheek, and closing my eyes. I keep my thrusts slow and steady, wanting this to last for as long as possible. And as Gracie comes, making sweet, soft pants in my ear, I know these are the sounds that will haunt me in my sleep. The sounds I’ll never stop wanting to hear, even if they cause me agony.
