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“You’re mine, Gracie. Ain’t shit gonna change that.” Releasing her from my grip, I move fast and get the hell out of her house before I prove that fact to her all over again.
I put all my focus into making it back to the truck, and when I finally get to the driver’s door, I slam my head against it. I crave some physical pain, because the hurt I’m feeling inside of me is so crippling I wanna tear it out. And I fist at my hair like it might pull the thoughts from my head before I get back in the truck and I drive away from her.
What’s a girl supposed to do when the man who took you captive, and stole your heart brings you home?
Well for a start, she puts all the drama classes she thought she’d never need to good use.
Maddy has instructed me what to say so the club will be clear of any suspicion, and my fingers tremble as I find the house phone and dial Julian's number.
He sounds surprised when he answers, then relieved and then joyful. And I feel like such a fraud. How could I have let things go so far with Brax. Why did I let myself fall in love with him? I watch my reflection as I reassure Julian that I'm okay and promise him a full explanation as soon as he gets here. I don’t recognize the girl staring back at me and worst of all, I feel like a stranger in this house now.
Julian arrives thirty minutes later, charging through the door and scooping me into a hug, the way you’d expect a guy who has been tragically parted from his fiancé to. I forget for a moment that for him that’s exactly what happened, nothing has changed for him in the small time we’ve been apart.
He doesn’t know about my mom or the agency. He doesn’t know about the Souls, and how Brax took me from my room and saved me from CIA agents who wanted me dead. I can’t see how anything can ever be normal for me now. Julian's arms feel foreign and limp in comparison to the way Brax would hold me, and I know I have to stop comparing them. If I don’t, I’ll never be able to move on.
“Grace, where have you been, baby? I’ve been worried sick.” He pulls back and checks me over. His eyes full of worry and concern. I feel dirty, I haven’t showered since Brax made love to me. And yes, that’s what it was this time. We didn’t fuck. Brax gave me a piece of his soul and it was beautiful, even if it was tainted with tragedy.
“I just had to get away, after the funeral everything hit me, it was all too much. I must have had some kind of melt down.” The lie comes off my tongue easily and the guilt inside me grows heavier.
“But you took nothing with you, no phone, no money. Where did you even go?” Julian questions me.
“I stayed with an old college friend, she has a cabin, it was remote and off the grid. It was just what I needed. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you and for all the worry I’ve caused. I wasn’t thinking straight.” I repeat what I rehearsed with Maddy and Ella yesterday. A lot is riding on me not fucking this up. The Souls took a risk taking down the agency, there were some well respected men on that list. And if the truth ever came out about how they met their justice, Brax and Jessie would be staring at bars for the rest of their lives.
“I’m just happy you’re home now.” Julian smiles at me warmly, pulling me close again. And the relief of him buying my story makes me want to sob.
“I’m gonna call my dad and tell him you’re safe. He’s been worried about you. Then I’m gonna pour us a drink, and I want you to tell me all about this friend and her cabin, okay?” He places a kiss on my cheek before disappearing into the kitchen with his cell phone already pressed to his ear.
I let out the breath I’m holding once he’s out of sight, wondering how I’m ever gonna keep this up. Julian deserves better than my lies and deceit. He just accepted my answer without hesitation, because he trusts me. He’s obviously been worried sick while I’ve been gone. He looks so tired and drained. The past few weeks must have been hell for him.
“So how did you get to your friend’s place?” he asks when he steps back into the living room and hands me a glass of wine.
“She picked me up.”
“I thought you said it was spontaneous?” He takes a seat on the couch beside me.
“It was, you left to get the food, and she showed up. She’d heard about Mom and Dad and was sorry she missed the funeral, she saw how upset I was and asked me to go with her and I just went. I don’t know what I was thinking, it was selfish of me.” I take a long sip of my wine, unnerved by how easily the lies are flowing, especially since I totally freestyled with that one.
“We all deal with grief in different ways, you being home now is all that matters to me,” he assures me, sliding his arm around my shoulder. My body tenses when it rests against his, he smells so clean and fresh. Nothing like Brax and the tobacco, leather and oil scent that surrounds him.
Why am I punishing myself by thinking about him? I really need a fucking shower. Even though I’m dreading it.
I want to hold on to the fantasy of what we had for as long as I can. What me and Brax had was raw passion, and an undeniable desire. An intensity like that could never last.
Julian is safe, he’s my future. I just have to forgive myself for what I’ve done to him.
I try not to think about Brax being back at the club. He was hurting when he left, and I hope that Jessie, Maddy, Nyx and Ella are taking care of him, despite the fact that he’ll try pushing them all away.
Julian’s fingers stroke the tops of my arm affectionately and it makes me squirm. Then when he turns my head to face his and starts moving his lips toward mine, I dash up on to my feet.
“I need to take a shower.” I smile, hoping he doesn’t notice the way I’m avoiding him.
“Sure, I’ll order us something in. Pizza?”
“Sounds great.” I leave him in the living room and race up the stairs. When I make it into the bathroom, I lock the door behind me and strip out of my clothes. Then standing under the warm stream of water, I put the body jets on full power and hope that the sound of gushing water drowns out my sobs.
Downstairs, is a good man, one who loves me. For three years he has given me everything I’d thought I wanted. And I don’t know how I’m gonna give myself to him now. Brax may have brought me back here, but when he left he took my heart with him, and now I can’t help but feel incomplete.
And for that, I hate him with such a passion that my empty chest fills with venom.
