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“I thought you’d run away again,” Julian says when I find him in the kitchen pouring more wine. He passes it over and strokes his smooth fingers along my cheek until I tilt my head into them and smile for him. “That’s better,” he smiles down at me. There's love in his eyes, and I wonder if he notices that mine is missing now.
“We should call the police,” I blurt out when a sudden thought comes to me.
“Why?” Julian laughs.
“Well, they will still be looking for me, I feel terrible for wasting their time.”
“Already taken care of, I did it on the way over. I spoke to the police sergeant they put on the case myself.”
“And they don’t want to speak to me?” I question, I hadn’t given Julian my explanation before he called, surely they’d be curious to what happened to me.
“Sweetie, they are busy, they’re probably just pleased to be able to close the case.” Taking hold of my hand he presses his lips to my knuckles. When he leans in, I start to panic. I’m not ready for Julian to kiss me. It seems all I have left of Brax now, and I’m saved when the doorbell chimes.
“That’ll be the pizza, I’ll get it,” I say brightly, heading toward the front door. I notice Julian's suspicion, he knows something isn’t right. But for now, he seems so relieved to have me back, he’s happy to play along.
He doesn’t try to kiss me again for the rest of the evening. We spend our time vegged out on the couch, eating pizza and watching movies. Though I don’t pay the film much attention, I’m too distracted thinking about Brax, and wondering how he’ll be spending his time. He'll be at the clubhouse now, and I wonder if one of the girls that hang around there are making him feel better. The thought turns my stomach.
“You okay, baby?” Julian asks me, clearly noticing how distant I’m being.
“I’m fine, just thinking.”
He picks up the remote and flicks off the TV.
“We should go to bed, it’s been a long day.” As he stands up, he reaches for my hand, and I have to swallow the lump in my throat before I take it. And when he pulls me up gently, and our bodies touch, I stiffen. Tears prickle my eyes when I realize things will never be the same between us again. I’ve deceived him, I should be riddled with guilt yet all I can think about is Brax. My heart feels as though it’s been torn, and I hate to think about him hurting too.
When I get into bed, I try to settle into my old routine but it feels so alien, and when Julian slides into the space beside me I have to stop myself from flinching.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper to him when I’m sure he’s fallen asleep. Tears soaking through the cotton on my pillowcase.
“You have been through a lot, you just need time. You’ll feel so much better when you move into my place and get some closure to all this grief,” he tells me sleepily. But he’s wrong. I don’t need closure.
I need Brax.
“What brings ya here?” Vex asks me as he steps out onto his cabin’s porch. Vex is retired now, his frail body gave up on him a few years ago and he’s too proud to accept any handouts. So he made himself invisible. I’m sure the only reason I know his location is because of our arrangement.
“I was wondering if you had a job for me?” I ask, getting out the truck and moving toward the old man who shaped me into who I am today. Vex showed me a way to channel all my anger. He taught me how to numb pain. And hell, I could use that now.
“You know I'da called ya if I did,” he shrugs, toking on the pipe that hangs from the corner of his mouth.
“Well, I need an outlet,” I admit, as I step up on to the porch and rest my shoulder against one of the pillars.
“Still looking for Chop, huh?” The old man shakes his head at me. For years, he’s been the only person in the world who knows about my past. When you're being taught resistance, you slip up. Secrets come out and lessons are learned. It’s a good job I trust this man with my life.
“I told Nyx.”
Vex looks surprised as he takes another deep toke.
“Everything?” He raises his eyebrows.
“Everything,” I confirm.
“And how did he take it?”
“Well, he’s got a lot going on, he fucked up and put a kid in Jimmer’s daughter.”
“And he’s still breathing?” Vex gives me a toothless grin.
“He just married her.”
