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“Nope,” she bites back, yanking my head to the side so she can see the cut from a better angle.
“It’s not too deep, you might even get a nice little slit in this eyebrow to match the other,” she tells me sarcastically, referring to the scar I got in my left brow from a disagreement I had with Troj’s brother, Autumn, a few years back.
I stay silent and let her carefully place the strips over my cut.
“You’re a real asshole you know, Brax,” she tells me as she pieces me back together.
I choose to ignore her.
“You still haven’t spoken properly to Nyx since your chat a few weeks ago, and he won’t admit it but he’s hurting. You seem on a mission to destroy everything around you and you don’t give a shit who you drag into the gutter with you. You're selfish,” she tells me, checking out her handy work, and looking kinda pleased with herself.
“Tell me something I don’t know,” I say, lighting up a smoke and taking a long swig from the bottle.
“You really think we don’t all know this is about Grace. Hell, Brax, if you want her, go fucking get her. Stop moping around, and stop putting yourself and the people who care about you in danger. It was Jessie today, it could be Nyx tomorrow.”
“You don’t know shit,” I swipe back at her harshly.
“I know that you love her, and you don’t want to admit it. I know that you don’t think you deserve her. And you probably don’t. But…” Ella stops to give herself fucking breath. “I also know that she loves you too, and that you can’t go on like this. You're gonna get yourself killed.” Ella snaps the lid of the box down then leaves before I have the chance to argue back, or thank her.
As much as I hate to admit it, Ella’s right. Being here is doing me no good. I’ve spent my entire adult life chasing revenge and convincing myself that I’ve been looking out for my kid brother, so far all I’ve done is cause him misery. I’m about as good for him as a termite is for wood.
His bitch is right about Gracie too, of course I love the fucking girl. I can’t get her out of my damn head. Nothing is gonna get her off my mind, no matter how much pain I cause myself or others.
There’s only one thing I can think of doing, it’s what I do best. It’s time for me to ride out again. I’ve spent too long at this Charter. I don’t belong around people like these. People who so readily put others before themselves. I’ve tried it with Nyx, and look how that turned out.
The door opens again, this time it’s Jessie who’s come to give me a lecture.
“I kinda lost my shit back there,” he admits, a thousand times calmer than he’d been back at the clubhouse.
“I deserved it.” I push the bottle of jack across the table at him.
“I spoke to Prez, he’s pissed as hell, but he’ll get over it. You just have to wind that shit in, Brax. I get it better than anyone. I’ve got even worse since I’ve been with Maddy. I wanna make this world a better place for her. But coming back home to her is what’s more important. You got to understand that, right?”
I nod my head because actually, I do. In the short time I had with Gracie here, I wanted to kill every fucker that might hurt her. I’d never given a lot of thought into what might happen to me or how she’d feel if it did.
“I’m just here to say we’re cool,” Jessie tells me. “And that I know you ain’t used to the whole Prez rule thing, being nomad, but if you wanna patch in and give this whole brother, uncle thing a go, you gotta rein it the fuck in.” He huffs out a laugh.
“I’m thinking of ridin’ out,” I admit. “So much shit has gone on around here. It don’t feel right for me to stay.”
“I think that’s a shame. You spent a long time looking out for Nyx, now you got the chance to make something of it. This Charter’s changing. Since Prez lost Hayley and gained Ella, protection is his main focus. We got good alliances, money in the pot and brothers we can trust. I think you could be happy here,” he shrugs before he gets up.
“How does she deal with it…?” My question stops him from leaving. “…Your old lady. How does she look at you when you come home from doing what you do?” I ask, not knowing what answer I want from him.
“She knows I need it,” he answers simply. “But she also knows I need her more. She’d never ask me to give it up, and that’s one of the reasons why I wouldn’t have to think twice about it if she asked me to.”
I nod back at him.
“Whatever it is you're looking for, Brax, I really hope you find it. Believe it or not, you deserve to be happy,” he tells me, before heading out. And I sit at my table and smoke cigarette after cigarette until the bottle’s dry. I decide to take myself to bed when my throat starts to burn. It still smells like her in my room, and I sleep on her side so I can smell her pillow as I drift off into an alcohol induced sleep, telling myself over and over in my head that what I’m doing is what’s best for her.
Sunlight pours through the blinds and stirs me back to life. When I check the time, it’s just past ten. But fuck it, what do I have to get up for?
I try to go back to sleep but my head thumps too hard, so I get up and get myself a glass of water from the kitchen. My cut is buzzing from the chair on the other side of the room, and I stumble my way over and answer before checking who’s calling.
“Brax.” I recognize the voice straight away. I've been expecting his call since my visit to Vex and right now, a job is just what I need.
“What’s up, Tuck?”
“The guy you wanted eyes on?” My interest peaks immediately when I realize this ain’t a call about Vex’s job, this is about Chop.
