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“Lookin’ for one of these?” Storm hands me a cigarette, then sits down beside me as I place it between my lips and light it up.
He’s the last person I wanna be seeing right now, every time I see his face I'm reminded of all the horrific fucking shit that happened to Shaniya.
Christ, I can’t go there. I can't fucking let myself think of her. I need more white shit for that. Storm doesn’t say anything, just sits with me in silence. Come to think of it, Storm hasn’t said much since that night at all. I guess watching someone getting raped mentally fucks you up as much as the thought of the one you love having to endure it.
I stare into a puddle in front of me, I can’t remember it raining lately, I’ve been knocked out from the world far too long. Stuck in my own head where the dark thoughts fester and spread like cancer.
A vision of her back at the falls when I kissed her and promised to relieve the tension she had overrides them for a moment. Memories like that are cruel, and they hurt just as much as the visions I get when I think about what they did to her.
They remind me that her first time was brutal, nothing like what I had planned for her.
I watch my brothers make their way over to church, chattering amongst themselves, and I get my sorry ass up and follow in behind them.
I don’t take in much information, the pounding in my head is too distracting and the more sober I become, the more of a fuck up I feel.
I heard something about Prez’s meeting being a success, and the boys plan out the run we’ll be doing over the next few days. There’s a vote and I nod, but I’m distracted by the same question swirling around my head. Who killed Danny, then paid those men to help hurt her?
We head back to the clubhouse to where all the old ladies are waiting. Nyx instantly goes to Ella and rubs his hand over her ever-growing stomach, while Maddy looks pissed off at whatever it is Jessie’s telling her.
I go to the bar and order a drink from Mel. She slides me a beer and I take a mouthful before slamming it back onto the bar. I need to do something with all the frustration I got. A focus. It’s ‘bout time Prez put me back into a fight, and I’m talkin’ a real fight, not some pussy assed scuffle for Sanchez.
I want to feel something real.
Taking out my phone, I dial-up Autumn to see if he knows anyone looking, but it ain't no shock that he doesn’t answer. He left here a few weeks ago and hasn’t been in touch since.
“You know, if you ever want someone to talk to about how you’re feeling, I’m a real good listener,” Brax’s old lady, Grace, comes to stand beside me.
She’s doing some counselor diploma over at Pueblo. And I don’t feel much like being her case study.
“You think I wanna talk about how my girlfriend got raped on by five men?” I stare back at her sarcastically. Her cheeks instantly redden, and that warm smile she’s wearing slips off her lips.
“I’m sorry,” she lowers her head, clearly feeling guilty.
“Everyone's fucking sorry, Grace, and yet what I don't see is anybody actually doing anything that matters,” I slam my drink down on the bar.
“Hey, don’t speak to her like that, she was only trying to help.” Nyx leaves Ella's side and steps up between me and Grace. “You know what, Troj, I’ve just about had enough of your shit. I get you’re hurting, but we still got work to get done around here. You let Shaniya leave town all by herself, maybe you should be focusing on that.” What he says sparks something inside me, something that makes me move first and think later.
I throw a fist and land him with it. Then I swing my arms across the bar, taking anything on top of it with me. Nyx naturally goes to retaliate but Skid holds him. I try to get another hit on him but I feel myself getting pulled back, and I shove whoever’s trying off me. Jessie stands between us, staring at me with a hard warning. And when things eventually calm down, all eyes go to Brax, who’s standing at the door and breathing through his nostrils as his eyes flip between me and the floor.
I look behind me, and see exactly why he’s looking at me like he wants to kill me.
“Shit, Grace, I’m sorry.” I hold out my hand to try and help her up, but Brax shoves me out the way, keeping his eyes hooked into mine as he crouches down to help her off the floor.
There’s broken glass scattered all around her, and she holds out a bloody hand to Ella and Maddy who quickly set to work wrapping a bar towel around it to stop the bleeding.
“I’m fine, Brax, honestly,” she assures him, her free hand tugging desperately at his T-shirt because she knows what's coming.
His eyes rage at me, and his silence is louder than any words he could be screaming.
I feel like a piece of shit.
I am a piece of shit.
“You better get out of my fucking face while you still got the ability to,” he warns, doing his best to remain calm while his old lady keeps clawing at his T-shirt to stop him from launching at me.
“Let's get some air,” Jessie grabs at my shoulders and pulls me away, while Brax’s eyes cold stare at me all the way out.
“Things are getting out of hand,” I utter to no one in particular after watching the shit show in front of me. I march my ass straight to the member's only bar to find Prez.
