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“I’m just reminding you, you got options,” he shrugs and I move on, before I put my fist through his face.
I rush back home and when I get there, Mom is waiting for me just inside the door. She ain’t nothing like herself these days, she’s skin and bone because she never eats, her skin is grey, and under eyes are heavy black sacks.
“Did you get it?” Her nails claw at the skin on her arms, and I can feel them dragging on my nerve.
“Travis, did you get it?” When she grabs at my hand, she’s freezing, even colder than me, and I’ve been outside.
“I got it.” I put her out of her misery and throw the cellophane bundle on to the table, then I watch her dive at it like a starving animal.
“You're a good boy.” She unravels powder from its wrapping and tips it into the teaspoon, and I watch her start to heat the bottom.
It hurts.
It hurts that she’s got no shame in me watching her do it anymore.
It hurts when I have to go and pick her up clean needles.
And as I watch her load up her syringe, tying off her arm with a piece of tube and pulling it tight with her teeth, it hurts that all this is my fault.
“How did your fight go?” Her hands shake as she picks up the syringe.
“I won.” I force myself to stare at her as she locates her vein and slowly unloads the junk into her bloodstream.
I watch the relief flush over her as it spreads through her system, and her head rolls back against the bench seat.
“Thank you, Travis,” she whispers as her body relaxes.
And as much as I hate it, I know Luzo’s right. She is getting worse and I can’t keep up with it. I know what she does is wrong, but she ain’t gonna stop it. I’ve begged her, I’ve locked her in here but she always finds a way back to the only thing that makes her happy.
“I love you, Mom.” I stand up and wipe the tear from my eye, before I head toward the shower and send Autumn the text I’ve been putting off for weeks.
Hook me up with a fight!
A knock on my door brings me back to the present but I stay sitting at my table in the darkness, hoping that whoever it is will go away. They don’t. The knocking persists and when I’ve finally had enough of the banging, I get up and tear it open.
“I’m heading to the hospital to pick up Mads, you want a lift?” Jessie asks, he’s had a shower now, washed off the blood of the man who I killed tonight before he goes to get his old lady.
When did this all become so normal to us?
“I ain’t going to the hospital,” I tell him, taking a seat back in my corner and taking another swig from the bottle.
“Sure you are, your girl needs you. Come on, take a shower.” Jess pushes the door open wider, expecting me to get up.
“No Jess, my girl needed me when those animals were raping her. That's when she fucking needed me.” I twist the bottle in my hand, wondering how it’s possible for me to feel such little emotion. I’m suddenly drained of everything I had. I’m numb.
It’s only been hours and already I can’t remember how I used to feel before all this shit.
“Maybe you should get some rest. Brax and Thorne are at the hospital now.” Jessie doesn’t argue with me, even though I can tell he wants to. “Clean yourself up, and get some sleep, we’ll figure this all out in the morning.” I laugh a cold, sinister laugh back at him, one that doesn’t even sound like it belongs to me.
“Sleep… would you be sleepin’ if Maddy was lying in a hospital bed after being fucked nearly to death by five men?” I snide back at him.
Fucker hasn’t got a clue
“No, Troj, I wouldn’t.” He presses his hand on to the table and leans over me.
“I’d be sitting right beside her, holding onto her hand and making sure she knew everything was gonna be okay,” he tells me harshly, before walking out the door, slamming it behind him. And I throw the bottle at it, smashing it to pieces, then let everything I’ve been trying to hold in cry out.
There’s a really irritating noise in my head, it’s beeping so loud and I wish it would just stop. My mouth feels dry. I need water, and the more I swallow the dryer it seems to become.
