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“What are you doing here?” an unimpressed-looking Tawk stands in front of me, blocking me from staring at the empty space where Troj was standing.
“I could ask you the same question?” I bite back, noting how different he looks, there’s blood on his cheek and when I glance down at his hands, I see that they’re bloody too.
“I’m taking you home,” he reaches for my hand but I snatch it away.
“I’m not going back to the village,” I take a deep breath and tell him bravely.
“You’re talking crazy. You’ve been through a terrible trauma, Shaniya.” He goes to grab at me again.
“I’m talking for myself,” I tug away from him again. “For the first time in my life, I’m taking some control.”
“You can’t stay here, these people, they ain't like us, Shan,” he looks around the barroom cautiously as he speaks, and I roll my eyes over him slowly to emphasize the point I’m about to make. Barring the lack of a leather cut, he doesn’t look so different to any man in this room. He even has a gun tucked inside his pants.
“I’m not staying here either. But maybe you’re not as different as you think you are.” Our conversation is interrupted by Squealer, who barges into Tawk and hands him a glass. He’s shirtless and with a blood-soaked bandage tied around the top of his bicep, he looks like he could really use some medical attention.
“You did good,” he slams Tawk hard on the chest. “Strong warrior,” he roars a laugh before knocking back the glass in his other hand. Tawk places his still full glass on the table between us, resting his palms on the surface and leaning over me.
“I won’t let you do this.”
“I left my uncle a letter, he’ll have to have someone read it to him.” Ignoring his words, and the hurt I can hear in his tone, I look across to Rogue. Without her, none of this would be possible. When I went to her a few hours ago she’d tried to talk me out of it, but despite all our differences, we share a strong understanding of one thing, and she understands why I need to do this.
“You ready?” she asks, staring Tawk down as she helps me onto my feet. I’ve not dosed up too high on the meds the hospital gave me. I’ve got a long journey ahead of me and I know now that in this world a girl needs to have her wits. But that isn’t going to hold me back.
“Where are you going?” Tawk starts to look much more worried than angry.
“I’m going to discover,” I answer simply, starting to make my way out to the foyer with Rogue by my side.
“You can’t do this, you can’t go on your own, anything could happen to you.” He chases out after us.
“Nothing worse than what I’ve been through.” I stop and turn around. The music in the bar has picked up and Rogue is waiting impatiently by the door, we haven’t got long. My bus leaves in less than an hour.
“I’ll come with you,” Tawk tells me desperately. “I’ll come with you right now. We’ll leave all this behind together. Just please don’t go alone, Shaniya.”
I smile at the sweetness of his gesture, before shaking my head back at him.
“I want to do this by myself.” I stretch on my tiptoes so I can kiss the cheek that isn’t stained, it’s so smooth compared to Troj’s.
“But you’re not healed, you’re still fragile.” He creases his forehead.
“I’m healed enough, but I’ll never get my head better while I’m here. Please try and understand that,” I beg. My mind is made up, there's no going back. I don’t need him to make this so difficult.
“Would you stay if he asked you to?” Tawk whispers, and the tear that slips from his eye triggers my own to start.
“He didn’t,” is all I can manage before I back away from him. I could never have imagined the last image I’d have of Tawk would be this. He stands with the Dirty Soul’s club flag hanging as his backdrop above the clubhouse door, with the blood of our enemies on his hands. Squealer’s right, he does look like a warrior, and I don’t know why that makes me smile through all my heartache.
“You sure about this?” Rogue checks as she steps out of the station holding my ticket. I don’t tell her that I’m not, she’ll only try and stop me again.
“You’re still weak, maybe you should heal for a few more days before you go.” She’s hesitant to hand it over to me.
It was hard enough to get her on board with this, I’m not going back there.
“I can’t heal having him so close,” I tell her honestly.
“He’s a jerk,” Rogue snides, handing the ticket over to me. “And if I wasn’t such a stubborn assed bitch myself, I’d be going with all my instincts and making you stay,” she laughs sadly.
“Here,” she pulls a cell phone from her pocket, then an envelope, and hands them both over to me. “My number’s already stored, Maddy’s too. I didn’t bother with the other two, all you’ll get out of Ella is baby photos and Grace will just want to become your shrink. I try not to like Maddy, but she’s everything I ain’t and you might need some of that. So, you need anything, you call either one of us.” She makes it clear that this a warning, not a request.
I tuck the phone into my pocket and then hold up the envelope. “What’s in here?”
