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“Where you going, Jess?” he calls after me, and if I didn’t know better, I’d say he sounded scared.
“You ain’t the only person who lied to me,” I point out, thinking of all the nights Mads has laid beside me, holding on to this secret. I’ve shared memories with her because I wanted so bad for her to have known him and all that time she knew.
“This is on me, Jess. I asked her to keep it from you as a favor to the club,” he confesses.
“So, not only do you lie to me, but you get my old lady to lie to me too.” I sniff back the aggression I can feel rising and shake my head in disgust. I need to get out of here. I can feel the walls closing in on me, I want blood and pain, and despite the rage I got for the man in front of me, I love him too much to draw it out of him.
“Sit down, have a drink, we’ll talk this out,” he suggests.
“With all due respect, boss, I ain't got fuck all to say to you right now.” I storm out of the bar, going straight to my bike. Then because I’m too mad to go home and face Maddy, I ride up to the gym and spend a good hour knocking the shit out of the punchbag. I think of all the times Chop called me brother, how he squeezed my shoulder as my father got put in the ground.
I hated him enough already with what he took from Skid, for his betrayal to this club. But what I’m feeling for him now is beyond that. It's beyond anything I can fucking control.
I wait until I can gather enough calm to go back to my cabin. The alcohol’s worn off by the time I get there, and Nyx and Ella are just leaving, thanking Maddy at the door before loading their sleeping kids back in the car.
“Prez is looking for you, VP, seemed important,” Nyx tells me over the roof of the car, and when Maddy pulls that same smile on her face that she always does when I get home, it doesn’t warm my chest the way it usually does. I ignore them all and head straight inside.
Prez should know that anyone with any sense will stay well clear of me tonight. I’m here to grab some shit and get out.
“Phew, that whole kid thing’s hard work.” Maddy presses her back against the door and takes a long breath of relief. She has no idea that my heart feels like it's been torn out of my chest.
“I wouldn’t know. My old lady ain’t interested in having any with me,” I bite back bitterly and watch the look on her face turn serious.
“Jessie, what's wrong?” Shock and worry fall on her face at the same time, and she stares back at me like I’m a stranger. I feel like one too.
“Let me think, I’m in love with a woman who loves kids but doesn’t wanna have any with me, and if that ain’t enough…” Taking the USB out of my pocket, I slam it on the kitchen table for her. I don’t hang around to see her reaction. Instead, I move into the bedroom to pack a bag.
“Jessie…” She immediately chases after me, racing in front of me and blocking me from getting to the wardrobe.
“Listen to me.” Her hands grip at my cheeks, forcing me to look at her, but I can’t, it hurts too fucking much. Learning that the man I love like a father has deceived me is bad enough. But her, the girl I live and fucking breathe for… I got no words for that.
I’ve always known Maddy was a weakness to me. I just never realized she had the power to destroy me completely.
“Get out of my way, Maddy,” I warn, all my pain brewing up inside me like a fuckin’ storm.
“No, Jessie, you have to hear me out. I’ve hated keeping this from you. It’s been breaking me, but—”
“But you did it anyway.” I look at her, trying so hard not to be sidetracked by how beautiful she is. She’s always looked pretty when she’s hurting, and I’m a sick fuck for thinking it.
“I had to, you’d just lost Hayley, and you were so mad.”
“Yeah, well, I’m fucking seething now.” I sidestep her and pull my duffel bag off the top of the wardrobe.
“Jessie, you're really scaring me,” her voice trembles, and I see true fuckin’ fear in her pretty blue eyes. It’s exactly why I have to go. I’m scaring myself right now.
I ignore her, starting to shove my clothes in the bag.
“Speak to me,” she cries, tugging at the duffel and trying to make me stop.
“You have to understand why we couldn't tell you. The club needed you, and I needed you. The timing was awful, it would have destroyed you.”
“It’s destroying me now, only its worse because you both fucking lied to me.”
And as I watch more tears stream out of her eyes, I realize her keeping Prez’s secret ain’t what’s hurting me the most. It's the other thing she’s keeping from me.
“Tell me why.” I stop what I’m doing and stare at her across the bed. Because suddenly I need a fuckin’ answer.
“I told you, you were already fragile.” She stares back at me, confused.
