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As the night goes on, people start to leave. Brax and Troj head off on another search for Jessie, leaving just Prez, Screwy, and me with Maddy.
“You should go on home,” I tell Screw, who shakes his head and continues to stare at the ground.
“I’m gonna hit the sack for a few hours. Call me when you find something,” Prez says, finishing his drink and sliding off his bar stool before he comes to Maddy.
“He’s really mad at us, ain’t he?” She looks up at him helplessly.
“He just needs some space, and we need to give him it. He’s taken in a lot of information,” Prez tells her, kissing the top of her head affectionately.
“You wanna call it a night, sweetheart?” I check with Maddy, who’s still furiously typing despite the tears in her eyes.
“I’m getting close to something,” she tells me, without looking away from the screen. “You should try and close your eyes for a while.” She looks over to the sofa on the other side of the room.
“Nah, my VP would kill me if he thought I left his girl to work all night.” I wink. “Whatever shit you got going on, he’s gonna come back here and forgive you for it.”
“There’s a lot of shit, Squealer.” She looks at me sadly.
“Yeah, but that man loves you. You changed his life, Maddy Summers. And no matter what it takes, he’ll make it work.”
“How can you be sure?” she asks like she wants to believe me.
“Because for the first time in my life, I understand why the fuck that boy can’t function without you.” I ruffle up her hair before leaving her to go make us another coffee.
It’s 2am, and my eyes are starting to get heavy. I’m feeling useless and all I wanna do is talk to Alex. I pull out my cell and try to call her, but there’s no answer again. And I feel that doubt. Maybe she didn’t leave just to protect the club, maybe her father did it as a precaution that didn’t need to be applied. That thought hurts too much to stray on.
“Squealer!” Maddy bursts through the door, causing me to almost scald myself with coffee.
“I got him.” Her eyes widen with excitement, the kind I imagine she looks at Jessie with when he’s balls deep inside her.
“You’re a clever girl!” I charge at her, lifting her off her feet.
It’s at that moment that I realize I don’t just want to bring Alex home. I want the kid me and her made together to be born, even if the world is a cruel and nasty place. I’ll spend the rest of my life protecting them both from it.
“Come on, let’s go see what you got.” I place Maddy back on her feet again, letting her lead me back to the barroom to show me what we're working with.
“Alex.” Mom knocks on my bedroom door for the fourth time, and I drag myself up from my knees and flush the toilet.
“Coming, Mom.” Wiping the back of my hand over my mouth, I unlock the door and let her inside.
“Darling, you look horrific. And you’re not even dressed yet. The guests will be arriving any minute.” She looks disappointed, and when her eyes linger on my waist, I start to get paranoid. These babies are my little secret, only I know about their existence. My father thinks I went through with the termination, and by now, Squealer will assume I have too, which is something I really have to face up to soon.
“You know how much your father has been looking forward to today.” She scalds me like a teenager as she heads to my wardrobe and takes out the dress we spent a whole day shopping for last weekend.
“It’s a retirement party, Mom. Do I even have to be there?”
“Forty years of service, this beautiful home, and financial stability for his whole family, Alexandra, you don't think that should be celebrated? Do you realize how ungrateful you sound? He’s always been so supportive of your career.” She looks at me shamefully as she holds the pretty white dress over her arm.
“Now hurry up, get dressed. And for Christ's sake, put some makeup on, you’re looking far too pale these days.” She lays the dress on my bed, and her heels click the floor as she makes her way back out to the hall.
I close the door after her and take a deep breath.
“How long am I going to be able to keep you two a secret?” I look down at my tummy. Over the past few days, it seems to have popped out, reminding me how I’ll soon have to have that awkward talk with Squealer. I can’t ignore his calls forever. He’s the father of these babies. I don’t know how he’ll decide to play it, especially with my father being a threat to his club, but he deserves to know they exist.
I put on the dress and fix my hair. I even manage some makeup to really please my mother, although the last thing I feel like doing right now is partying. I check my phone again on my way downstairs. I had two missed calls from Squealer last night, and I can’t help wondering why he’s decided to call me.
There’s a lump in my throat as I head down the stairs. Father’s had a huge marquee erected in the backyard for the hundreds of people that are coming to celebrate his retirement. Hundreds of people who I'll have to make nice with, fake smiles to, and endure mindless conversation with. I decide to hide out in the kitchen while the guests arrive, hoping that Mother and Father will be too busy playing happy couple to notice my absence and after about half an hour of dodging out of the caterer’s way and three angry texts from Mother, I decide to head out.
I use the back door and start walking the carpet path that Dad had laid to the Marquee, taking deep breaths and practicing my fake smile, all while consciously holding in my stomach. I’m too distracted to stand my ground when a hand wraps around my arm and drags me behind the summer house.
