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His hurt quickly turns into a smile as he pulls our linked hands up between us and kisses my knuckles.
“You’re gonna be an amazing mother, Alex Monroe,” he tells me. “And one hell of hot-ass wife if you play your cards right.” The wink he gives me before he swaggers back into his cabin makes me want to punch him right in his oversized penis, but at the same time, it makes me want to have him all over again. I guess Cody Harrison will always be a little untamed, and that’s exactly the way I want him.
I stride towards Jessie in the rough-as- assholes diner on the border of town.
“Prez.” He looks up from the coffee he’s staring at as I slide into the booth and sit opposite him. He won’t make eye contact though. He’s hurting. He feels betrayed, and I hate that I’m to blame for that.“How is she?” He stares out the diner window to where Screwy’s standing with the bikes.
“She misses you, and she’s really beating herself up. But she still managed to save the club's ass from the stunt Foster tried pulling on us.”
Jess nods his head as he absorbs what I’ve said.
“She needs you. The club needs you.” I do my best to keep the weakness out of my voice. Ain’t no way I’m admitting that I need him too.
He says nothing back, just keeps staring at that damn coffee.
“I get that you’re feeling betrayed but—”
“I’m coming back, Jimmer. I spoke to Tac, I’m gonna crash above the studio for a while,” he interrupts me, but I’m too relieved at what I’m hearing to be mad at him for it.
“I’m pleased to hear that, brother, but you know Maddy’s gonna want you home. This is on me. I was the one who asked her to keep it from you. You shouldn’t punish her for it.”
“I’ve done a lot of thinking while I’ve been in Utah. About my Pa, and the life he chose. I always wanted to have someone look up to me, to set an example the way he did. The way you did.” Now, he chooses to look me in the eyes. His pupils, burning into my soul, penetrating hurt and flooding me with guilt.
“Jess…”
“Mads won’t have kids with me,” he admits. “She says it’s because she’s scared they’ll lose me… same way I lost my dad, the same way we lost Hayley. How was I too fucking selfish to see that?” His forehead creases like he’s mad at himself.
“You’ll fix it. This is you and Maddy we’re talking about here. I ain’t ever met two stronger people.”
“I’m hurting her. Me being who I am, hurts her. Am I really selfish enough to expect her to put herself through that?” He asks as if I have a fucking answer for him.
“So all this, it ain’t about Chop?” I check. I’ve never seen my VP as mad as he was the night he learned I’d kept that recording from him. When he left, I worried we might never get him back. I should have known better. Jessie Donavon is just like his old man. Humble, compassionate, and as loyal as they come.
“I get why you kept it from me. I took in a lot of information that night, and I ain’t about to say it didn’t hurt, but I get it, Prez.”
“You spoke to Skid?” I know he rode out to Utah to talk to him when we found out Jessie was staying there. He stayed a few nights but hasn’t said much since being back, but then, Skid don’t say much these days at all. He’s almost as silent as Screwy.
“Nothin’ changes. Chop’s blood is Skid’s to spill, but that don’t mean me and a few others ain’t gonna get a few strikes in first.” When Jessie’s mouth picks up into a snigger, it gives me a glimmer of hope.
“It’s gonna hurt Maddy, you staying away from the club. She misses you.” I’m hoping I can change his mind on that.
“I can’t be around her right now.” His fists go tense. “It fucking hurts to look at her. Right from the first day I saw that girl, I knew I loved her, I never imagined she could love me back. I want to give her everything.”
“Then come fucking home and do that.” I stare back at him, confused. None of this makes sense.
“She wants what Ella’s got, and she fucking deserves it. She’s holding back on her own dreams for me. Can you imagine how it feels taking that from someone you love?”
The simple answer is yes. It’s the reason I gave up on Joanne. I figured her and my baby girl would have a better life away from me, and I got it all so wrong. I ain’t about to let this kid make the same mistake.
“You know, I even thought about giving it all up. Going straight.” Jess laughs at himself.“But I can’t. This is my life, my family. I can’t change who I am. Not even for her.”
“Mads doesn’t want you to give anything up.” I can assure him of that. His girl would do anything for him. Why can’t he see that?
“No, Mads wouldn’t ask me to. There’s a difference.”
“Well, whatever that difference is, you two got to figure it out. You got something special, and I ain’t about to sit back and watch you ruin it. Come home, son, get your head on straight and fix this shit.” I wrap my fist around his and squeeze. And when he looks up, I accept the nod he gives me as a silent promise that he will.
“Now, let’s get the fuck out of this shithole.” I take a look around the scummy diner he chose for us to meet at.
