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“Just promise me you’ll find her,” he begs.
“Dann—”
“Promise me,” he shouts. Danny never raises his voice, especially not at me.
“I promise, just tell me why.”
“Because I’m in love with her.” That doesn’t answer my question. There’s something different in his tone, but with all the background noise, it’s hard to judge.
“Alex, I’ve got to go.”
The phone cuts out, and I stare at the takeaway menu where I’ve scribbled the address and name of a woman my brother is supposedly in love with.
Danny has a good thing going over in Manitou Springs. It’s a small town, with a low crime rate. With our father being a Commissioner, it was hardly a surprise Danny got his deputy badge at such a young age. What could he be working on over there that would have him calling me up at… I check the phone, 11pm.
I consider calling Dad to tell him about the call, but Danny begged me to keep whatever is in this file between us. I figure if Dan wanted him to know, he’d have called him himself.
I try calling Dan back, but it goes straight to the answerphone, and I tell myself I’m being paranoid as I strip down to my underwear and flop onto my bed. He’s drunk, this isn't the first time he’s called me up making no sense. It wouldn’t shock me if this Abby girl is some chick he’s hooked up with tonight.
It was the next morning when I got the call from Mom, to tell me Danny’s body had been found behind a bar in his own town. A shattered skull and multiple stab wounds were his cause of death. My brother was gone, his future snatched away from him. I wondered if maybe it was the girl's fault. If he’d got mixed up in whatever shit she was into with the bikers. I spent two weeks at Mom and Dad’s place, comforting Mom every day while she cried and avoiding my father who drank constantly to try and avoid grief. I didn’t get to grieve myself because I had to be the strong one.
It wasn’t until after his funeral when I returned back to my apartment, that I found the package he’d sent me in my mail locker. And here I am, a whole year later with it spread out in front of me. No more the wiser to what it all means.
Hawker somehow seems to have vanished off the planet, and I’m failing my brother, just like I had the night he died.
I’ve checked out all the addresses, followed up all the leads, and nothing is linking. Maybe I’ve been looking at it all for too long. What I need is fresh eyes, but I’m just not ready to share this yet. Not when I have no idea who I can trust.
“Enough,” I tell myself out loud, peeling up all the post-its and tucking them back into the brown file. I take another sip of wine before I move over to my gun cabinet and lock everything away. I need a distraction from all this shit. With Squealer going quiet on me, Hawker has been all I’ve focused on. It’s time for me to make good on the other promise I made to my brother. Grabbing my cell from my handbag, I scroll through to Abby’s number and type out a message, inviting her over for a drink. It’s not weird, we go to book club together, she gave me her number… I don’t want to come across as too much. I have no idea how to do this. I’ve never really had to make friends before. Work always came before that kinda thing.
I’m not even sure if being her friend is what Danny expected me to do, I was never given a plan. When I first researched the club, I doubted how my brother could have left a woman he cared about with them. But the more I learn about them, the more I understand his logic. And I have to question if the girl needs my help at all.
My phone instantly flashes with a response, a simple message with a thumbs-up emoji. And I smile to myself as I type out my address and hit send.
I guess I’ll soon find out if she does or not, and as much as I tell myself I’m doing this for Danny, the idea of company tonight surprisingly excites me.
It’s less than an hour later when Abby knocks at my door. I let her in and take the bottle of wine she hands me into the kitchen. “Make yourself at home,” I call back at her, grabbing a spare glass and filling it with some wine that's already chilled.
I find her on the sofa, feet tucked up under her ass, and she smiles at me gratefully when I hand over the wine and top up my own.
“So, how was your date?” Abby asks, taking a sip from her glass. “You know everyone at the club’s been talking about it,” she adds.
“It wasn't really a date, much more an ambush,” I explain.
“Squealer doesn't do dates. You must be something special,” she tells me.
Through high school, I never had many friends. College was the same story. It feels so juvenile talking with Abby like this, but if it’s a way for us to bond, I’m all about it.
My brother was in love with the girl. He specifically asked me to look out for her, and in order to do that, she’ll have to let me in one way or another.
“Enough about that. How’s your online guy thing working out?” I try steering the conversation in another direction.
“We were up till three this morning messaging.” She beams, doing nothing to hold back her excitement. “I just find him so easy to talk to.”
“You don't fit in at the club, do you?” I ask her outright. No one ever got anything outta holding back.
“The Souls have been so good to me. I know some might find it hard to believe, but they’re not bad people. I just kinda feel like a spare part among them. I don’t belong to anyone there. And I sure as hell ain't gonna whore myself out like the other girls who work there do,” she tells me assertively.
“Belong to anyone?” I rest my wine down and turn my body to face her; body language is key to helping people open up.
