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“You asked us to take a leap of faith for you, Squealer. If you trust her, we trust her. Maddy could use the help,” Jessie rephrases.
“He’s right there.” Maddy looks back down at the evidence and scratches her head, she looks tired and overwhelmed, and I did promise to keep Alex involved.
“Sure, I’ll call her and see when she’s free.”
“Are you staying for dinner?” Maddy offers.
“No, Squealer’s got other things to deal with.” Jessie stares at me, his eyes looking at the door.
“I should go find Screwy, he’ll be missing me,” I answer sarcastically.
“You sure? He’s welcome too, there's plenty,” Maddy checks.
“Some other time, maybe. I think the VP here wants to get his dick wet.”
“Squealer,” they both say my name in unison, and I salute them both before heading out to call Alex and find my brother.
Pulling on to my drive after a long shift, I have to do a double-take when I see the scrawny figure waiting on my porch, drenched from the rain.
“Abby?” I check, getting out of the car and rushing toward her, and when she pulls the hood back off her face, I realize I was right. It’s Abby. But she looks so different from how I'm used to seeing her, her eyes are puffy, and she looks somewhere in between angry and sad.
“You okay? Come on inside, you’ll get sick standing out here.”
“When were you gonna tell me?” She ignores my suggestion and stares right through me. I should have figured that news would spread around the club. So much for club business being confidential.
“Abby, I—”
“Did you know who I was when you came here? Is that why you’ve made such an effort to be my friend?” She looks back at me like she’s hurt.
“I made an effort with you because you're a nice person,” I tell her honestly, trying to avoid the question best I can. “Come inside. I want to talk to you about this.” Stepping up on my porch, I unlock the door and hold it open. “Please, I want to explain.” I look back at her, soaked to the skin and looking so vulnerable.
“Fine.” She marches past me to get inside.
“Here,” I toss her a towel from the airing cupboard, and she uses it to rough dry her hair while looking at me impatiently. This girl wants an explanation, and she wants it now.
“My brother loved you, Abby,” I start. Her eyes are already full of hurt, and my words seem to push her over the edge, tears flowing down her cheeks as she waits for more.
“He called me up the night he died, asked me to keep some information safe for him, and he also asked me to look out for you.”
“So when you came to town, why didn't you tell me that? Why keep something like this from me?” she asks, sounding so betrayed.
“I didn’t know who I could trust. He told me where I would find you. I thought he was crazy keeping someone he cared about under their protection. And I knew the Souls were involved somehow with Hawker. I had to be sure I could trust them first, and in doing that, I started to understand why Dan trusted them with you.”
“They’re good people,” she says, taking a seat on my couch. Her hands shake as she takes the glass of water that I hand her.
“I know, which is why I’m trusting them with the information Dan gave me. Abby, I’m sorry if you feel deceived in any way; I just had to be sure.”
“So what now? Where does that leave us?” she looks up and asks, her eyes wide and glassy with more unshed tears.
“Exactly as we were. I want to get to know you better. It’s been so long since I’ve spoken to anyone about Danny. My parents find it too painful to share memories, the mention of his name sends them crazy awkward. And I miss him,” I admit, sitting down beside her. I let the tears build up in my own eyes, and for the first time since I lost him, I do nothing to keep them contained.
Abby’s hand lightly touches mine and when I look back at her face, she’s smiling me a sad smile.
“I’d really like that.” She snuffles back her tears.
It’s amazing how good it can feel to let go. To cry with someone and allow yourself to not be okay for a while. Abby and I sit for a long time without talking. She holds me in her arms while I cry, and I don’t even feel awkward about it. I’ve been focusing on nailing down Hawker so long I realize that I never got to grieve my brother. I didn’t cry at his funeral because I wanted to be strong for Mom. I threw myself into work because it was easier to try and forget him than it was to imagine a life without him. And just for a little while, sitting on my couch with Abby, I allow myself that time to grieve.
“How do you feel about ordering a pizza and having a few drinks with me tonight?” I ask her when I finally break away, deciding I need to take a shower.
