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“Sounds good to me. I better call up Tawk and tell him where I am.” She takes out a cell from her still-soaked hoodie.
“He still the designated babysitter?” I smile.
“Yep.” She scrolls sadly for his number and presses the phone to her ear, while I head for the bathroom and make quick work of showering.
When I’m done, I change into some yoga pants and an oversized jumper that I know I’ll be comfortable in.
“Everything okay?” I check when I come back into the living room. Abby is sitting staring at her phone like she’s waiting for it to go off.
“All good. I spoke to Tawk, he says to call him when I need a ride home.”
“You wanna grab yourself a shower? Get out of those wet clothes? I put some dry clothes out on my bed.”
“You sure?” Abby asks as if it would be an inconvenience. Truth is, the more time I spend with Abby, the more I enjoy her company.
“Yeah, go get straightened up, and I’ll pour the wine and order a pizza. You got any preference?”
“Anything, but no pineapple, fruit on a pizza is just gross.” She scrunches up her nose at me.
“Agreed, Dan always insisted on…” I naturally stop myself from mentioning him, but Abby shakes her head, a huge smile lifting on her face.
“I used to make him pick every single chunk off of my half,” she tells me, and I feel my body relax.
“Thank you,” the words tumble out of my mouth as I look at the girl who held my brother's heart.
“I’m gonna go grab that shower,” she tells me, a little life back in her eyes again as she heads in the direction of the bathroom.
An hour later, we’re sitting and scoffing pizza with crap on the TV for background noise. Abby laughed so hard when I told her the story about our last thanksgiving together when me and Dan decided to go hunting with Dad, and Dan couldn’t hit a thing.
But soon, the laughter fades away, and Abby is left with a sad look on her face.
“I wish we could have had longer together.” She takes a sip from her wine glass.
“You wanna tell me how you guys met?” Talking about Dan is making me feel so alive. I want to know more about his life here in Manitou Springs and about him and Abby.
“It isn’t something I’m proud of.” She takes in a long breath. “Ella was my best friend in high school; we both had rich parents who gave us everything we wanted except for any attention. Then Ella got knocked up, and she kept it from me. Still to this day I don’t know why she didn’t feel like she could tell me. Maybe that’s where things went wrong for us. But back then, I didn’t know; I thought my best friend had abandoned me just like my parents had. I got in with the wrong crowd and made some real bad choices,” she explains, finding herself a new comfortable position. “Nyx saved my life one night. He was looking for Ella and came to my place. Back then, Luke had me hooked, I was his plaything at the time, and he made me feel so special. I’d had a massive house party while my folks were off traveling, and the next day I was out of it. I almost OD’d. Nyx showed up frantic and looking for Ella, she was in trouble, and he didn't know where to find her. When he saw the state I was in, he could have left me. But he didn't, he called a cop friend who he trusted to come take care of me, and that’s how I met Dan.” Her eyes fill up again, and it puts a sting in my chest and a lump in my throat.
“He took me back to his place and took care of me, my parents were traveling Europe at the time, and Dan got me better. We spent a lot of time together, his home became my safe place, and I stopped using. I didn’t need it when I was around him because he made me feel wanted. We laughed together, stayed up all night talking about insignificant things. Dan made me the happiest version of myself I’ve ever been.” She smiles to herself as she recalls memories of them together. My brother took his job very seriously, but he knew how to let loose. His laughter was infectious, and he loved making other people happy.
“Our age gap and Dan’s job were a massive obstacle for him. We had to keep things quiet. Sneaking around was fun at first, but after a while, I started to feel like a dirty little secret. I felt like everyone was ashamed of me.” The look on her face suddenly gets weighed down with regret.
“You understand though, don’t you? He could have gotten into a lot of trouble. His reputation was at stake?” I defend my brother, the same way I have since we were kids.
“Now I do.” She laughs bitterly. “Back then, I was behaving like a brat. A spoiled little rich girl who only saw things from my perspective. One night we had a fight, and I retaliated by going to Luke and scoring. It only took one hit for all Dan’s hard work to be wasted. That rush I felt when I shot up, the numbness that followed after. I still couldn’t tell you why I did it. Maybe I wanted his attention. He’d been working so hard at the time, putting in extra shifts and even working when he was off duty. I didn’t feel like I was his priority anymore.” She breaks down, sobbing into her hands as she looks back into their past. “I called him when I realized I was in trouble, and when he came to get me, he was so hurt and disappointed in me. I made him so mad. I’d dragged him away from something important, and I failed him exactly the same way I had my parents. We fought, and he took me to the club because he had to deal with something. He promised me I’d be safe with them, and I hated him so bad for leaving me when I needed him. I said some nasty shit to him that I didn’t mean.” She breaks down, her hands shaking and tears streaming from her eyes.
“It's okay.” I take her trembling hand in mine.
“No, it’s not okay, I was horrible to him, Alex. I never got to tell him how much he meant to me, or how much I loved him. He drove away from that club and left me a wreck after all he’d done for me. I’ll never get over that being the last vision he had of me.”
“Abby, he cared about you. It was after then he called and asked me to look out for you. He wanted you safe. He loved you.” I pull her against me so I can comfort her. “You can’t beat yourself up about what you did that last time you were together, the same way I can’t blame myself for not reacting to the call he gave me that night he died.”
“I’m tired, Alex,” she tells me, sobbing into my shoulder. “I try every day to be grateful for everything I have, but the truth is I’m not. I keep trying to rebuild my life back up, college, and Ella, I’m talking to my parents again. But I want him back so bad. I like Robbie because when I’m talking with him, it’s like I’m talking to Danny. I know it's unhealthy and unfair on him, but it stops me from wanting to get another fix. A big enough one to make it all go away,” she adds, dropping her head in shame.
“No.” I push her away from me and hold on to her shoulders, making sure my eyes are fixed on hers. “You can’t think like that, Abby. You have your whole life to live. The other day when you told me about going back to college, I was so proud of you. Dan would have been proud of you. If you're struggling you got to fight through it, because right now, I need you. I need someone who can make him feel alive for me.” I hold back my own tears so I can be strong for her. And she nods slowly at me as if she understands what I'm saying.
“You don’t fit in at the club, do you?” I ask the question I’ve wanted answering since I first met her. I know that the club aren’t squeaky clean. They may not supply drugs in this town, but that doesn't mean they don’t use them. Hardly the best environment for someone who has suffered addiction.
“I told you, I don’t really have a place there.” Abby dries her eyes with the back of her hand,
