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“I lied. You deserve nothing. You chose your side when you betrayed the club.” I turn my back on her.
“And you think that perfect little princess you keep as a pet is loyal to you?” Her words strike me hard, and I show her my weakness when I quickly turn back around to face her.
“You brothers underestimate us far too much. We’re so insignificant to you that you forget what we’re around to hear.” She’s taking pleasure in the confusion on my face. I can feel it penetrating off her. “For a club that’s supposed to be based on loyalty, you got a whole lot of secrets between you all.” Mel seems pleased with herself as she stands up on her feet and walks unsteadily toward the door.
“Ignore her, Jess. She’s just trying to fuck with you.” Troj holds me back from going after her.
“See ya around, Jessie,” she kisses her lips at me before she disappears.
I’m ready to start my shift a whole hour before I need to leave the house, and so I pull out my laptop and prepare to do some research, this time not on Hawker. I type pregnancy termination into the search engine and look for the nearest clinic.
This isn’t a case of making a decision. There’s no choice to make. I can’t have a kid. Not now, and definitely not with Squealer. Sure, the guy’s surprised me a lot lately, but nowhere near enough to make having a child with him a reasonable option. He’s not ready for this level of commitment.
I’m not ready for this level of commitment. Besides, I don’t even like kids. They’ve never been part of the plan for me. Come to think of it, I’ve never had a plan. You always hear women my age talking about their goals. Married by thirty, kids by thirty-five. I’ve never factored a husband and children into what I wanted. Being a cop and impressing my father by moving up the ranks seem to be all that’s ever mattered. And now, the only plan I can put my attention into is getting justice for Dan.
I’m interrupted when the door swings open, Abby breezing through it and looking deliriously happy with herself. She’s carrying a massive cardboard box with the words Art stuff written in big, bold letters across it.
“Take it you spoke with Brax and Nyx,” I smile, shutting the laptop, and getting my ass off the couch to help her.
“Yes, they love the idea… And I brought reinforcements,” Abby tells me, just as Squealer walks through the door carrying a much larger box in his arms and wearing an awkward look on his face.
I stop dead in my tracks, and he looks me up and down, waiting for my response.
I’ll bet he’s mad at me; he’ll blame me for this. He doesn't strike me as someone who would take much self-responsibility. The cocky shit is probably telling himself I did this to trap him.
Screw my stupid sex drive.
I don’t even look at him, just walk right on past him to help Abby in with her stuff.
I grab the closest box I can get my hands on, and when I spin around to carry it inside, Squealer is blocking my path.
“Pregnant women ain't supposed to lift stuff,” he takes the box out of my hands. “Well, that’s what Nyx says anyway,” he adds, with a stern look on his face.
“Will you shut up?” I hiss under my breath as I snatch the box back off him.
“I don’t want anyone to know, and it doesn't matter because I won’t be pregnant for very long,” I assure him, stepping around him and storming back inside.
I drop the box off in Abby’s room, where she’s already hanging up her clothes in the wardrobe.
“I’m really glad you're moving in. I just wish I didn’t have to leave you to do it by yourself,” I tell her. Looking at the time like I don’t have much of it. I don’t start work for ages, but I can’t stick around if Squealer’s gonna be here. If he tries to blame me single-handedly for what’s happened, I’m likely to snap.
Grabbing the keys to my squad car, I start moving toward the door to leave, but I don’t make it before I’m dragged into the kitchen.
“We need to talk about this.” Squealer stands tall in front of me, blocking me from getting away.
“You knocked me up, and I’m dealing with it. There’s nothing to discuss,” I bite back sarcastically, keeping my voice low so Abby won’t hear.
“Why you being a bitch about it, you mad at me or somethin’?” His forehead creases into a confused frown.
“The only person I’m mad at is myself,” I growl, pulling my elbow from his grip.
“I still think we should talk. I liked the way things were going before—”
“Before what? Before shit got serious?” I roll my eyes at him, hating him for forcing this conversation on me. I just want to go to work and get distracted from all this bullshit.
“I haven’t got time for this. I need to go to work.” I move to barge past him, but he stops me again, and I huff in frustration.
“There’s something else.” He looks as agitated as I feel. “Maddy was looking at some leads and found an address Hawker used to visit.”
