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“I didn't ask for any of this,” I remind him.
“You’ll do good, just keep chill and don’t let your head start running your fists.” He pops the top off the bottle and throws it at the counter.
“Got it?”
“Storm’s lucky that he gets a shot at saving his sister, huh?” Squeal's words feel like a sledgehammer to the fucking heart. He likes to talk about Beth, tries to keep her memory alive. And I don’t have the patience for that right now.
“I got to take a shower and get ready.” I get up and move towards the bathroom, hoping that’ll be the end of it, but it’s not.
“How come you never talk about her?” he asks, turning shit real serious. I stop walking, but I don’t turn around to look at him. “Sometimes, I wonder if you just want to forget she existed.”
I don’t know why he’s choosing now when I need to have my head focused to have this conversation. I want to yell at him, tell him he’s fucking wrong. But arguing would only raise questions, questions I ain’t prepared to answer. Not now, not fuckin ever. So I keep moving, shutting the bathroom door behind me and hoping that when I come out, he’ll be gone.
“Well, don’t you look handsome,” Maddy says to me as I approach the cage where she’s set up all her monitors in the back. She’s wearing all black and has her long blonde hair tied high on her head. She’s also got that fake smile pasted on her face. I can totally see why Jessie never wants to be anywhere else but inside her and why this is hurting him so bad.
I just don’t know why he ain’t making it right.
“You ready?” she asks, hopping out the back and pressing the device Alex showed me earlier into my ear.
“Check you!” Squealer and Jessie come out of the clubhouse at the same time, and I can see how much my brother is dying to rip the shit into me about the suit.
I give them both a look that tells them not to bother.
“We ready to roll?” Prez asks. “Jess, you're driving.”
Jess nods, squeezing awkwardly past Maddy to get to the driver’s side and refusing to make eye contact with her.
“I’m coming too.” Storm follows them out, looking determined.
“I don't know if that’s a good idea, kid. We need this to go smoothly.” Jessie feels bad. I can tell by the tone of his voice, but he’s probably right. Emotions can't come into a job like this one.
“When you get to Riley, she’s gonna be scared. Who knows what those animals have done to her? Let me be there for her.” Storm shows vulnerability for the first time since I’ve met him. And there’s a long silence while Prez makes his decision.
“The kid’s in.” He eventually speaks up, turning his attention to a relieved-looking Storm. “But you stay in the back with Maddy, no exceptions.” He points his finger warningly.
“Gotcha, Prez,” Storm agrees, hopping into the back of the cage and taking a seat on one of the benches.
“You good?” Prez checks with me before he hops in the passenger seat of the cage, and I nod to let him know I got it, before climbing in the back.
“Sure you don’t need me for manpower?” my brother checks, and when no one responds, he shrugs those big shoulders of his. “Good luck, bro,” he tells me seriously, sliding the side door closed and giving it a loud bang to let Jessie know we’re ready to roll.
“You look beautiful.” My trainer stands in front of me, his eyes looking me over. He’s impressed with Clara’s efforts, and he should be. She’s worked so hard. When I saw myself in the mirror, I barely recognized the person staring back at me. In my mind, I'd always pictured myself to be a girl. I bleed once a month and have what I suppose some might call breasts, but it wasn't until I saw myself today that I realized, at some point during the time I've been here, I've become a woman.
Clara stands beside the door, waiting for instruction as my trainer checks me over. The dress I’m wearing is white and finishes just above my knees. It feels strange, almost powerful, to be so covered in front of him.
“You may leave.” He dismisses Clara, despite the fact he is still staring at me.
I glance over his shoulder and watch her leave. The sad smile she offers me before she disappears gives me no confidence but a little comfort. I hope one day she will be free from this treacherous place, too.
“If I had the money, I think I would buy you myself,” my trainer whispers into my ear, his lips touching my skin.
“But you own a house like this,” I say my thoughts out loud, regretting them instantly when his cold palm snakes around my throat.
“I’ll let you into a secret,” he spits. “We all have our masters, Muñequita. I don’t own this house. I never even owned you. I work for a man, a very powerful one, whose success and fortune have been made by many pretty little girls just like you.”
My eyes widen as his grip intensifies.
“I’ve enjoyed every second of our time together. Watching you break has been a beautiful journey. I usually get bored easily and can’t wait for my next project to arrive. But with you…” he checks the space around us like he’s afraid someone might hear him. “I kept you far longer than I needed to,” he whispers. “I lied to my master and told him you weren’t ready, so we had more time together.” I’m struggling to find air now, and the hard, determined look on my trainer's face makes me question if he plans on ever releasing me.
