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“I never thought I’d see anything like it again. Is that crazy since I can’t remember ever seeing a lake in the first place?”
She creeps closer, her hand warming me when it touches the bare skin on my back. I have to tense to stop myself from turning around and pulling her into my chest. I want to comfort her, to tell her everything is going to be okay. But I need her to get strong without me.
“Who’s Beth?” Her words sink cold and heavy into the pit of my stomach. “You said her name last night while you were dreaming,” she explains, and I close my eyes while I take a deep breath. I don’t want to talk about Beth, not with her. She’d see me differently if she knew the truth, and I don't fucking want that. “You just sounded hurt, like you were in pain,” she adds softly.
I shove myself off the barrier and move to the chair in the corner. I have to pull both hands through my hair just to have something to do with them.
“Please tell me. Share something with me. You keep so much of yourself locked away.”
My throat clenches like I’m being choked, and my skin itches with frustration. But when she comes to me, placing her tiny round ass onto my lap and sliding her arms around my neck, I’m too weak to stop her.
“Please, Screwy.” Her soft palm slides over my rough jaw, and it seems to help me breathe.
“Beth was our sister,” my voice comes out low and raspy, and I have to clench my fists to stop my hands from clinging to her and drawing her closer. Lydia relaxes slightly, but only for a few seconds.
“Was?” Her face turns pale and sorrowful when she registers what I’ve told her.
“She died when I was fifteen,” I explain, allowing my hand to rest on her leg. I don’t want to lose the connection now. I like how she feels on me.
“I’m really sorry that happened to you.” Lydia’s head tucks into my neck while her fingers slip through my beard and trace over the tattoos on my chest.
How did I get here? I’m holding the most beautiful, fragile girl I’ve ever seen in my arms on the deck of my cabin and talking about my past.
The silence is heavy and stretches out far too long. Only the birds calling to each other through the trees, and my heart thumping wildly under her fingers, seem audible.
“Is that why you were in the facility?” She speaks quietly like she’s afraid to ask. I should have figured it would only be a matter of time before she found out some truths from my past.
“I went to that place because I killed a man, Lydia,” I tell her, honestly. I may keep shit from her, but I won’t lie, even if it risks me losing her.
She deserves the truth, and despite being a little naïve to this world, Lydia isn’t stupid. She saw me kill the man who had bought her at the auction. She’d watched me, and I saw the look of relief on her face after.
I’m sure Lydia knows what I’m capable of, but that doesn’t mean she should have to accept it. I’m a very dangerous man to a person who’s a threat to the people I care about.
Lydia nods her head slowly, and it kills me not knowing what’s going through her mind.
“Do you regret killing him?” she asks, and I hate how hopeful she sounds like she’s seeking to find a good person inside of me somewhere.
“Not at all.” After releasing the words, I want to clench at her to stop her from getting up and walking away from me, but she doesn’t move, and her fingers still calmly trace my skin.
“If he were here in front of me, I’d kill him all over again,” I admit, and this time I do cling to her. I shuffle deeper into the chair and wrap my arms around her waist, holding on to her so tight she couldn’t get away even if she wanted to.
“And do you regret me?” she asks weakly, I can’t see her face, but I do feel the tear that rolls onto my chest and slices through me like a blade.
I slide my fingers up her body, my hand cupping her chin and forcing her to look at me. Her eyes are shimmering full of tears as she stares back up, and I’m fucking speechless at how precious she is.
I shake my head at her to let her know that I don’t and watch her lips twitch into a tiny smile that warms even the coldest parts of me.
“Do you have to be somewhere today?” she asks after another long silence.
It would be easy to tell her I have club shit to deal with and spend the day miserably avoiding her. But the truth is, I don’t fucking want to. I want to be here with her, like this.
“No,” I answer, wishing I could do the decent thing and just let her fucking go.
“Can we stay like this?” She makes me question if she means today or forever. Forever is far from possible. Somewhere out there, this girl has a family and a life that she deserves to know.
I don’t answer her question, but I do kiss her on her forehead, and I hold her on my deck until she falls back to sleep in my arms.
“You’re looking cozy there!” My brother's voice wakes me up, and when I open my eyes, the smug fucker’s standing over me with a huge smirk on his face.
